My 15 minutes of fame

About a year ago, one of my work colleagues asked me if I wanted to participate in a focus group for the new book we were developing (I work for a large media company, in case I haven't already mentioned that). The focus group participants would work and consult with a renowned New York City celebrity dermatologist-psychologist to help improve our skin, reduce our stress and help us achieve a more youthful looking appearance by doing a few simple things.    

In addition to other criteria for focus group participants, one of the participants they were seeking was a 30-something, busy woman (preferably a working mom who didn't have time to take care of herself) and if they could find one,  a token Asian (gee - sounds familiar!).   And I seemed to fit the bill for several of the criteria.

For free.   

To help out with a work project.  

With added bonus of potentially improving my then 35-year old sun-damaged, already-starting-to-age skin.   

PLUS, access to a renowned NYC dermatologist.   

Hmmmm... 

Well, as you can imagine, it didn't take too long for me to make a decision to be one of the sacrificial lambs for the writing of this book.  The purpose of the focus group was to go through Dr. Amy's treatment and eventually be featured in the book about reversing the physical aging that is caused by stress, lack of sleep, lack of hydration, you-name-it (basically, all of the bad habits that contribute to our physical appearance and skin - which is almost everything).

A few lifestyle changes (like more sleep, more date nights), lots of Shiseido 55 SPF sunscreen, Keihl's cleansing products, safflower oil and Neutrogena moisturizer and 2 tubes of Tretinoin retina cream later, my skin is smoother and a little more youthful because of Dr. Amy's treatment.

So now, voila!

Next week, the book launches.  And on pages 21-23, I am featured as what not-to-do (at least 12 months ago). Funny enough, it is quite a  pathetic read since it sounds like I do nothing but work, hang out with the family in spurts in the evenings and on weekends, and stay up late on the computer -- which, sadly, is not entirely untrue.  But I take solace in the fact that such is the life of a full-time working mom.

Thankfully, no photos of me.  Those were left on the Simon & Schuster editor's cutting room floor.

BE it, don't just do it

So I told myself that I wasn't going to use this forum (too much) to even remotely pontificate (and/or rant, as I have been doing) on politics.

But lately I am finding that I can't help myself.

Why?

Because I CARE what happens to our country. And because I CARE how it affects my family and my kids, especially. And just because I lean left, that does not mean that I am not patriotic and I don't love America. Quite the contrary.

Tonight I read a very good, succinct blog post from Jamie Lee Curtis, the actress no less, on The Huffington Post. And she had echoed some things Obama said this weekend that I said a few days ago after having listened to Ms. Palin's RNC speech thinking to myself,

"Uh, oh...she was good (delivering from a teleprompter). SO GOOD that people are going to forget she's a friggin' puppet and be brainwashed by all of this KarlRovian garbage...like they were brainwashed in 2004 and 2000 - Lord help us."

Anyway, something in Jamie Lee's post struck me, and it was what she had quoted from Gandhi:

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."

While this is not the first time I've seen this quote, it really resonated with me, in particular, related to this election.

With all of this talk about "change" from both sides (especially now that McCain decided to take on this as his campaign message), and with all of the GOP mockery of community organizers, this was the kick in the pants I needed. For me and the now and how I can make a difference come November 4th.

And as a registered Democrat and strong supporter of Barack Obama, I realized that I mustn't just sit here and let 2004 happen all over again. I needed to do my part outside of donating (which I have already done) or putting up lawn signs and bumper stickers in a state that will likely go blue anyway. And I can no longer be complacent and assume the last 8 years is enough to speak volumes and direct the American public to our candidate.

So this weekend, on a whim, I applied to help the Obama campaign and the Deputy Field Organizer Groups that they are mobilizing in California to spread the message to the audiences who most need to hear it. As such, the Obama campaign is recruiting a team of "community organizers" to attend Camp Obama with the goal of developing grassroots coalitions to gain victory in the battleground states. And while I can't travel to the battleground states with my current family and work responsibilities, I asked them if they could leverage me somehow remotely. I really don't know how, and highly doubt I will get "accepted" but I feel better knowing that I am trying to make a difference in this election.

Just BE it. My not-so-new mantra.

Not-so-new because when I stepped back to think about it, I've already started being some of the things I want to change in the world. But I still have more to be including making a difference (however small) with the choice of our new leader.

(ok, I'm done ranting for today.)

Did you know...

...that the chance of a fraternal twin pregnancy naturally occuring in women is less than 1%?

I didn't know either, until I flipped through the Us mag at the newsstand today while standing in line at the grocery store.  The statistic was presented in the context of the latest famous twin spawn from Brangelina, noting that these babies were IVF-generated.

Wow - never thought I'd be in the less than 1% category.  

And boy, do I feel so blessed and lucky.  

Priceless

(Multi) million dollar babies.

Yes, but aren't they all?

Some are more literally than others.  With all the news of the recent births of famous twins Vivienne Marcheline and Knox Leon and the the stupidity and absurdness double digit millions that entertainment mags are willing to pay for the right to publish their baby photos, it made me think about the $400-ish bucks we've shelled out in recent years for each of our professional photo sessions chronicling the growth and progression of our lovelies.

Here are a few of my favorites from the photo shoot we did with the kids when they were almost 3 years old.  The location of the photo session was right in our own backyard at the Ranch House in our neighborhood community...

And here are a few more going back in time when the kids were almost 2.  Location this time was at Crystal Pier in Pacific Beach.

Now, they may not have the famous parents to warrant a professional photo shoot for Us or People or OK! mag but they are our precious twinsies.  And they are priceless.

So, no additional photos of ridiculous Frette nursery bedding linens handmade in Italy or images of sterling silver rattles or shoots of Dave and I decked out in the latest couture caressing our swaddled infants here (save that for JLo)...just good old natural photography reflecting our kids just the way they are in real life.

And isn't that what good photography is about?  

   

Overheard at a Twin Mom's Night Out

I recently attended a Mom's Night Out for a non-profit twin mom's support group I've been involved with the last few years.  There were quite a few amusing conversations I either participated in or overheard:

Regarding being a twin mom, in general:

Five-months-along-pregnant-with-twins-mom: "I'm due in December" (she said as she proudly rubbed her tummy) "These guys are my IVF babies."

Me: "Oh, yes, there are plenty of us here. Although for me, it ran on both sides of the family, but of course, no one ever assumes that."

Other twin mom: "Yeah.  I'm so surprised how many people have asked me whether they are natural.    That's none of their business!  Nonetheless, why is it that people just assume you're on fertility pills if you have twins?!"

Yet another twin mom: "Uh, hello -- Hollywood?!   Angelina.  JLo.  Julia.  Marcia Cross.  John and Kate + 8."

Regarding schooling and moving them forward or holding them back for kindergarten:

Twin mom:  "I have a boy and a girl, and because of my boy, I'm definitely holding them back a year to start kindergarten.

Another twin mom:  "Oh yes, my boy is the reason I'm going to hold them back, too.  My daughter runs circles around him."

(By the way, no disrespect to boys or anything, but only moms of boy/girl twins would ever notice these things!)

Yet another twin mom: "Well, I know of someone who separated her twins into different class years.  And it was BAD.  The kid in the younger class always referred to his twin in the older class as 'my smart sister.' "

Twin mom:  "How sad.  I'm never separating them."

Regarding the very popular Redirecting Children's Behavior (RCB) class we took with Susie Walton:

Twin mom:  "No one understands how impactful this class was for us.  Everyone thinks I'm crazy when I parent my kids.  They think I'm too permissive."

Me: "Yeah, but the reality is that we are just more relaxed because we now have the tools to address all the issues we face our kids."

Twin mom:  "I feel like Susie is just one big gift, and we learned her secrets.  And we want everyone to know about it.  But now everyone thinks we're nuts."

Regarding getting out with us couples while the (grand) parents are in town:

Twin mom: "OK, my folks are in town for 2 weeks.  Let's plan an outing, all 6 of us."

Me: "Yeah, we need to get this in, otherwise we will NEVER get out again until the next time the grandparents are back.  They are too much to handle for one person right now (in reference to our 3 1/2 year old twins)."

Regarding working full time and parenting twins:

Stay-at-home Twin mom: "I just don't know how working moms can do it."

Full-time-work-outside-the-home twin mom: "It's quite simple.  I have twins.  Working full time makes me sane.  Adult interaction is good."

Regarding random stuff:

Me: "So when's the next botox party?"

Twin mom friend: "Oh, when my mom comes back in town!  I'll call you can we'll get together and take some shots."

Peace out.

What's your thing?

Most women have a thing.  

For some, it's shoes.

For others, it's purses.  

For me, it's sunglasses (and purses, but that's another post). 

And my latest coveted prize is Tom Ford's Raquel. 

I once read somewhere that a famous, fashionista first lady by the name of Jackie O had a big basket near her front door where she would put all of her fabulous designer glasses and choose one that suited her mood for the day.

Feeling luxe? Wear the Chanels.

Feeling fierce? Slip on the Dolce & Gabbanas.

Feeling some drama?  Wear the Guccis.

Feeling sporty? Put on those Oakleys.

Feeling a little Hollywood? Don those Diors.

Feeling inconspicuously classic? Wear the Tom Fords.  

I have about 4 pairs of sunglasses worth wearing, but I just have to have this one.  

Sunglasses are the perfect accessory.  Why?  Because you could be all junked out and casual in your track suit or old jeans & T and, because you are wearing fabulous glasses, you feel fabulous.   (Fabulous sunglasses have the same effect as fabulous jeans, by the way.)

Jackie O was a smart, smart lady.

Parenting lessons and the Woods (as in, Tiger) Family Playbook

I *heart* Tiger.

Best. Athlete. Ever. Period.

And the best role model I've ever seen on mental toughness and internal drive to be the best he can be. For nobody else but himself.

WOW.

So what does this have to do with augmenting our parenting skill-set?

Well, we're taking a page out of the Earl Woods playbook. Earl Woods. You know, the father who raised, mentored and trained the greatest and most mentally tough golfer, the greatest athlete, to walk the face of this planet?

Many criticize and say that Earl was hard on Tiger and pushed him into the sport. But talk to Earl and he claims it was all coming from his little boy.

Have you seen the new Nike commercial (called "Never") where they show old clips of young Tiger in his early beginnings of greatness with the voiceover of his late father?

"You don't really instill anything in a child. You encourage the development of it. "

Those are the first few words uttered by the late Earl Woods in the 60 second commercial.

Dave and I are taking a fantastic parenting class right now called Redirecting Children's Behavior. Last week's session was on praise vs. encouragement. And boy, did we learn that we were doing a few things, um, wrong.

Basically,
Praise = bad. (Well, not bad, really but not sustainable for the long term.)
Encouragement = preferred method.

Praise = External focus that often results in kids wanting to please mommy or daddy or other people besides him or herself. Such common culprits are "I'm so proud of you, Hannah" or "Wow, what a great job you did, Luke."

And what parent hasn't said that to her child? You read every parenting book and magazine and listen to every child psychologist who tells you that praising your child helps build him or her build self esteem. But the difference is that you are focused on how you feel as a parent about the child vs. how the child feels about their task or accomplishment. And it makes sense, it's an innate, human need to feel wanted and be recognized.

Encouragement = internally focused on the child and the child's feelings and his or her process of getting to the desired outcome.

Encouragement results in the child feeling and articulating how she feels about what she accomplished vs. having you the parent bestow your feelings and pride upon the child. This results in the child wanting to do this because it makes the child feel good, or it makes the child feel like she worked hard...vs. mommy being happy and proud about the task.

So what does encouragement look like?

Hannah was practicing writing her letters the other day and when she finished, she proudly showed me her paper with her crayon scribbled alphabet.

Me: Wow, Hannah, you wrote all your letters? How does that make you feel?

Hannah: (Expecting a praise statement from me and not getting it. Pause. Pause. Pause. Then all of a sudden...) Happy! It makes me feel happy. I wrote my letters! I did it myself.

Me: It's a nice feeling to work hard and get good results, huh?

Hannah: Yes, it makes me feel good.

Me: So, what did you learn?

Hannah: (Pause. Pause. Pause. Looks curiously at me since I've probably never asked her this question before because I typically praised her before I could ask her how she felt about the task...if I even did that!)
Well, I learned that if I keep trying, I will do good.


And with that, I learned and practiced a new parenting tactic, and hopefully Hannah learned a life lesson. It's not about trying to get praise and then stopping if you are not getting attention or not succeeding. It's about focusing on learnings and the process. It's about enabling them to recognize and find their own strength. And it's about giving them the tools to dig deep within themselves to cope and manage through issues and capitalize on opportunities.

Just like Tiger.

Encouragement vs. Praise.

BIG difference between the two. And probably a BIG difference in outcomes and self-esteem later on.

Who knows, really. But we won't know unless we try.

The $72 Tummy Tuck

Spanx is my new best friend. 

And it's the perfect solution for my 3 1/2 year old twin tummy (read: muffin top) that I will never get rid of (without surgical help, obviously).  How did I not pick one up sooner?!

I know that they've been around and popular for some time now, especially thanks to Oprah's well-documented adoration of them.  And who doesn't listen to Oprah?

Apparently me.

A few weeks ago while at Nordstrom's Half Yearly Sale, I decided to give them a shot at the urging of my mom who with me.  After trying on lots of cute summer clothes and nearly 30 swim suits,  I was (not surprisingly) semi-depressed.  

Mom: I don't understand how you can sit here and try on clothes, shop for nice things, and not get the most basic of basics.

Me: I have bras and underwear, mom.

Mom: Do you watch Oprah?

Me: No.  I'm at work.  And plus, our Tivo is filled with WordWorld and SuperWhy.

Mom:   Geesh, Clarissa.  Spanx.  Don't you read US Magazine?!  All the stars wear them.  All that skinniness is not real.  They get help.  And so can you.

Me: But mom, isn't a girdle?  I don't wear girdles.

Mom: (exasperated) Ackkk.  Here.  Just try them on and see.  (as she hands me some Spanx and ushers me away)

So off I went, into the Nordstrom dressing room with my size Small pair of Slim Cognito Spanx.

And all I could say was WOW.  Just like that, my body was transformed back to my pre-baby figure.  

It's been a few weeks now and I can still say that I'm happy with it.  It truly is one of those rare life-changing products.  Spanx certainly lives up to the hype.   

And true to form, I do find that since I've been wearing my Spanx, I stand straighter, I walk taller, and I fit back into my old skinny jeans without seeing the muffin top.

Hey, if Gwyneth and Jessica Alba can wear a girdle, so can I.  

And I'm proud of it.