Stopping to smell the roses while running a (half) marathon

Life these days as a mom feels like I'm running a marathon. I trained, I conditioned, I prepared for what I thought it would be like but I never knew how I was quite going to deal until I was actually doing it. And sometimes race day is a good running day, sometimes notsomuch. But I keep going, because I have to. I'm committed and don't want to let my support system down. More importantly, I don't want to let myself down.

And sometimes I feel defeated because I have to stop because I've lost my breath, or I begin to cramp. And it's necessary to rest myself just so I can finish. Even though I am disappointed when I have to pause, I rationalize it because I know it's required so I don't hurt

even more later. And I wonder what I am missing, who I am not passing as a result of my short hiatus.

With each mile marker and water station, I take a breath, and for a split second, I appreciate the small accomplishment I've achieved. And then I realize that I still have a long road ahead. And while at the mile markers, instead of feeling like I'm truly doing my best (as I thought I would do when I was in training), I just try to make it to the next one, and the next one, and the next one. So off I go, continuing to trudge along without enjoying the scenery and my beautiful surroundings -- always anticipating what the next mile has in store for me as opposed to enjoying the NOW.

My parenting class instructor, Susie Walton, recently said, "Never in the history of our lives will anyone live more in the NOW than your 3 year old children."

It's so true. I watch what they do and it's so obvious they are on no timeline or agenda. They just ARE and they just DO, whatever and whenever they want. Whether it's assuming another 5 minutes of playtime when I called "time!" 5 minutes ago, creating an unsupervised opportunity with their water faucet (and making their room a small water park for a day), or getting into a stray jar of vaseline and pretending that it's shampoo -- they live in the NOW with little regard for consequences.

Now I'm not advocating acting irresponsibly with them or living in the moment every time we're spending time together. But admittedly, I do feel guilty (see the running theme here?) because I rush them through so much every day. I rush them in the morning when I get them ready for preschool and I throw myself together for work. I rush them to our weekend outings, even if it's to go to an unscheduled event like the library or the park. And I plan their schedules for after-school, for summer, for the rest of the next 15 years, it seems. What a disconnect it is for them and for me. But it makes sense because it's consistent with my marathon mentality of moving along, briefly celebrating small successes, but pacing for the long haul.

There's a lesson to be learned from their NOW attitude. And I better take heed. Because before I know it, they'll be rushing too.