Explaining career decisions to a 3 year old

My fellow work-away-from-the-home mom friends with older kids warned me this would happen soon enough.

Well, it's here and it's happened...or should I say, happening.

It went down like this...

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Tonight, 9pm - Good night routine

Me: Good night my honeys...it's lights-out now. Mommy has to go downstairs and do some work for a little bit.

Luke: Are you leaving us?

Me: No, I'm going to be downstairs in the office.

Luke: In the home office?

Me: Yes, sweetheart, in the home office.

Luke: And will you be here in the daytime tomorrow?

(sigh)

Me: No, honey, mommy won't be in the home office tomorrow. I have to go to work and be in my work office tomorrow morning. But I'll be back in the afternoon and it will still be daytime. Hope that's OK.

Luke: But whyyyy, mommy? I want you to stay with us during the daytime in the morning. Mommy, we have a home office and you can work downstairs.

Me: Luke honey, I have to go in and be with my work colleagues to get some things done (yes, I used the word colleagues with my 3 year old and strangely, I think he understood).

Luke: But whyyyyy?

Me: Honey, I have responsibilities at work and have to get them done.

Luke: But what about Luke and Hannah?

(sigh)

Me: You and Hannah and daddy are the most important people in my life.   In addition to being your mommy, I work so that I can be a well-rounded and happy and overall better person, which also makes me a better mommy. 

Luke:  (Pause.  He looks at me quizzically.)

Me: (I should have shut up there and left it at that, but I kept going.) ...And I also work so that I can help daddy provide a great life for our family.   I hope you understand that.

Luke: (Pause)   

OK, are we still going to Disneyland next week when we go on vacation?

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No joke.

I can't believe I'm already explaining why I work to our 3-year-olds, and something tells me that this won't be the last time I have this discussion.   And if it makes them feel better to know that it helps pay for our vacations and enables us to go to Disneyland, then so be it.

But it still makes me sad.

I hope someday they understand.

Did you know...

...that the chance of a fraternal twin pregnancy naturally occuring in women is less than 1%?

I didn't know either, until I flipped through the Us mag at the newsstand today while standing in line at the grocery store.  The statistic was presented in the context of the latest famous twin spawn from Brangelina, noting that these babies were IVF-generated.

Wow - never thought I'd be in the less than 1% category.  

And boy, do I feel so blessed and lucky.  

Have time (and grandparents), will travel (in a car)

Summertime.

The very thought of it harkens me back to the old days when we used to be able to travel overseas for weeks at a time. Every night we'd have a leisurely dinner over wine. We would people-watch and sometimes carouse with the locals. And then we'd stumble back to our hotel room at whatever time of the night. The next morning, we'd sleep in and have a long breakfast or brunch sipping our coffee while reading the Herald Tribune or USA Today before planning our day's activities. Or, we would revel in not having to plan at all. Because we were on vacation, after all.

And perhaps we'd take in a museum or two. Or we'd go to a local park and take in the sun and fall asleep on a park bench. Or under a palapa. Just because we were on no real schedule. And sometimes, we'd read a book or two that doesn't require a short attention span. Or we would take in the sights and sounds of the locale we were visiting - whether it's the bustling activity of La Rambla, or the haggling and bargaining over handicrafts in the Plaka, or venturing on a jungle cruise through the rainforest in Belize, or taking in the breathtaking Tuscan vista and tranquility of Cortona, or hanging by the pool in Cozumel as we waited for our dive boat. And we would pause, take it all in, and live SO in the moment because we were on vacation. And that's what vacations are for, after all.

The old days. We had it so, SO good.

(sound of car tires screeching to a sudden halt)

Fast forward to 5 years later.

Here are several scenes and memories from our last 3 1/2 years of travel:

• Hannah has the major runs in the make-shift pack and play in the same room we are sharing on our "family getaway" trip to Puerto Vallarta. Then Luke gets the runs. And then all night, we proceed to change out their diapers as they work through Montezuma's Revenge. And then we all proceed to get sick.

• Luke's face flares up for 2 days from the "sugar" cookie my dad accidentally gives Luke. The sugar cookie that ends up being a peanut butter cookie. Luke's got a BAD peanut allergy. And we are on a boat. With no real doctors. Yes.

• Hannah barfs on Dave (after my dad gives her Cheetos, see the theme here?) on our 3.5 hour flight from Chicago after we've already been flying for about 9 hours from overseas. Of course, we have spare clothes for Hannah, no spare clothes for Dave. Dave proceeds to stink up our row for the rest of the flight. I want to barf myself. This, and the anxiety I already felt at the beginning of the flight when I learn that San Diego is burning (think SoCal wildfires) and that our neighborhood is in the evacuation zone...yes, our neighborhood with the house we had just bought 6 months prior. And of course, we are evacuated after we've been out of the country for 16 days. Thank goodness for packing well.
  

• Luke has an accident in his carseat and doesn't bother to tell us about it on a 6 hour roadtrip up the California coast to our family beach house. (Oh by the way, dried pee stank on a carseat is a bitch to wash out.)

• I freak out when I see the flashing red battery sign on our portable DVD, and yet, we still have another 2 hours left on the plane. In desperation, I break out the Dollar Store gifts out of my backpack gift-wrapped in aluminum foil as another attempt to entertain the kiddos. They open them in excitement, and then at some point during the course of the rest of the trip, they manage to throw them under the seat at which point the toys roll forward about 10 rows. (Note to self: don't ever buy airplane toys that are capable of rolling).

• Luke has a major breakdown on our tour bus coming back from Florence after a long day of shopping and sightseeing - with no naps for the kiddos, of course. And naturally, the bus is filled with old people who at some point many moons ago were parents but clearly forgot what it's like to have toddler-aged children. A man in the row ahead of us yells "SHUT UP!!!" I do everything in my power not to reach over the seat and knock his spectacles into his head.

That's all. So you'd think with all of this we would plan to never go on a trip again. Especially an overseas one. Or one to Europe, especially. But noooooooo... here we go plotting yet another overseas vacation (or perhaps maybe it's just me, in my mind?!), romanticizing the notion that we will be infusing all of this culture into our children's lives at an early age, bequeathing to them our love of travel, our wanderlust and our aspirations to do and be all things worldly.

And you know what they get out of it?

Not much - at least at this age. Luke's big memory of our European vacation last year is of the "London Bridge" (it's really the Tower Bridge, but he loves the song so much that he calls it that) and the "bicycle wheel" (the London Eye). Hannah's big memory was of Big Ben and her obsession with it throughout the trip. And losing Flounder in a tapas restaurant in Barcelona.

But, that's. about. it. Yup.

So, it's not that I don't have peaceful, serene memories of our last several trips with the kids. It's just that most of them involve sleeping or spa'ing or running by myself for an hour or having a babysitter who is watching them while we can actually enjoy the vacation locale.

And happy memories? That, we have a TON of. But calm serenity is another thing. NO. CAN. DO. This is precisely why parents plan trips away. To recharge their batteries. Because dear God knows that taking a family vacation depletes energy and often leaves you running on empty by the end of it.

So what does that mean for our vacation this year? Yes, another road trip up the central California coast to the family beach house. And if we learned anything from our last few travel experiences, we will bring the grandparents in tow (this time, sans peanuts and Cheetos).

And according to Dave, we won't even attempt to do another overseas or "flying" trip for some time...at least until the kids can appreciate it and we can handle it better.

At least I have my imagination...and my old travel memories.

(And in my mind, we will be off to Belize, or Cabo, or Ireland, or New Zealand, or...)

Oops, I did it again

I think I have a problem. I am a chronic over-committer.

Or so my husband says. And maybe he's right.

As I transition responsibilities from an extra-curricular activity I've been involved with the last two years, I find myself getting involved with yet another one -- with no breaks in between. And why?

Because I just can't say no? (no)

Because I don't feel as fulfilled if I don't have a few balls juggling in the air? (getting warmer)

Because having my hands in lots of different things of substance make me feel like I'm adding value in the world? (ding, ding, ding, as i put my finger on my nose to indicate "precisely!")

He says that I have a hard time setting boundaries for myself. I call it trying to "step up my life." But sometimes it's to my detriment.

Like when I wake up in the middle of the night remembering that e-mail for work I needed to send before the morning. Or when I feel guilty for not baking those cupcakes from scratch for the kids' pot-luck picnic at preschool, or have a hard time making it on time to their soccer practice. Or when that newsletter deadline for my non-profit is looming and I still haven't gotten the write-up ready for it.

And I get myself all worked up and worked out so that I get tired and am in a tizzy about everything. And then. I get paralyzed. And I end up doing everything and nothing because I don't know what to do next, or where to go. And wonder if I am really just a slacker...mom, wife, employee, non-profit volunteer, whatever. Ever feel like that when you get overwhelmed?

Not that I'm overwhelmed right now or anything. I'm just musing on this in my mellow, reflective state so that next time I get worked up and in a tizzy, I can point to what's driving it. And I can recognize and understand what my natural reaction is under duress and times of general busy-ness. And, of course, I can also be ok with it since I acknowledge, "Oh, ok, that's just how I get in these situations."

Self awareness is good like that, ain't it?

Priceless

(Multi) million dollar babies.

Yes, but aren't they all?

Some are more literally than others.  With all the news of the recent births of famous twins Vivienne Marcheline and Knox Leon and the the stupidity and absurdness double digit millions that entertainment mags are willing to pay for the right to publish their baby photos, it made me think about the $400-ish bucks we've shelled out in recent years for each of our professional photo sessions chronicling the growth and progression of our lovelies.

Here are a few of my favorites from the photo shoot we did with the kids when they were almost 3 years old.  The location of the photo session was right in our own backyard at the Ranch House in our neighborhood community...

And here are a few more going back in time when the kids were almost 2.  Location this time was at Crystal Pier in Pacific Beach.

Now, they may not have the famous parents to warrant a professional photo shoot for Us or People or OK! mag but they are our precious twinsies.  And they are priceless.

So, no additional photos of ridiculous Frette nursery bedding linens handmade in Italy or images of sterling silver rattles or shoots of Dave and I decked out in the latest couture caressing our swaddled infants here (save that for JLo)...just good old natural photography reflecting our kids just the way they are in real life.

And isn't that what good photography is about?  

   

Overheard at a Twin Mom's Night Out

I recently attended a Mom's Night Out for a non-profit twin mom's support group I've been involved with the last few years.  There were quite a few amusing conversations I either participated in or overheard:

Regarding being a twin mom, in general:

Five-months-along-pregnant-with-twins-mom: "I'm due in December" (she said as she proudly rubbed her tummy) "These guys are my IVF babies."

Me: "Oh, yes, there are plenty of us here. Although for me, it ran on both sides of the family, but of course, no one ever assumes that."

Other twin mom: "Yeah.  I'm so surprised how many people have asked me whether they are natural.    That's none of their business!  Nonetheless, why is it that people just assume you're on fertility pills if you have twins?!"

Yet another twin mom: "Uh, hello -- Hollywood?!   Angelina.  JLo.  Julia.  Marcia Cross.  John and Kate + 8."

Regarding schooling and moving them forward or holding them back for kindergarten:

Twin mom:  "I have a boy and a girl, and because of my boy, I'm definitely holding them back a year to start kindergarten.

Another twin mom:  "Oh yes, my boy is the reason I'm going to hold them back, too.  My daughter runs circles around him."

(By the way, no disrespect to boys or anything, but only moms of boy/girl twins would ever notice these things!)

Yet another twin mom: "Well, I know of someone who separated her twins into different class years.  And it was BAD.  The kid in the younger class always referred to his twin in the older class as 'my smart sister.' "

Twin mom:  "How sad.  I'm never separating them."

Regarding the very popular Redirecting Children's Behavior (RCB) class we took with Susie Walton:

Twin mom:  "No one understands how impactful this class was for us.  Everyone thinks I'm crazy when I parent my kids.  They think I'm too permissive."

Me: "Yeah, but the reality is that we are just more relaxed because we now have the tools to address all the issues we face our kids."

Twin mom:  "I feel like Susie is just one big gift, and we learned her secrets.  And we want everyone to know about it.  But now everyone thinks we're nuts."

Regarding getting out with us couples while the (grand) parents are in town:

Twin mom: "OK, my folks are in town for 2 weeks.  Let's plan an outing, all 6 of us."

Me: "Yeah, we need to get this in, otherwise we will NEVER get out again until the next time the grandparents are back.  They are too much to handle for one person right now (in reference to our 3 1/2 year old twins)."

Regarding working full time and parenting twins:

Stay-at-home Twin mom: "I just don't know how working moms can do it."

Full-time-work-outside-the-home twin mom: "It's quite simple.  I have twins.  Working full time makes me sane.  Adult interaction is good."

Regarding random stuff:

Me: "So when's the next botox party?"

Twin mom friend: "Oh, when my mom comes back in town!  I'll call you can we'll get together and take some shots."

Peace out.

A 3-year-old's view of the world

Luke: Mommy, I wanted to show you something.


Me: Yes, sweetie.

Luke: This is what we see on the way to preschool in the morning.

Me: What do you mean, Luke? What is it? (looking quizzically at the toy cars he's placed on the bin)
Luke: It's traffic, mommy. (Like it was the most obvious thing I should have acknowledged).

I smile and think to myself that this is a blog-worthy moment to capture on film and in type script.

Me: And who's this? (pointing to the Transformer)

Luke: This is the guy who tells the cars where to go. And they do it because he's big.

Birthday Fun

Ah, birthday parties. We've been going to a lot of 'em lately.

And we all love 'em for different reasons.

For the kids, it's time to have a blast with their friends. Time to have cake. Time for goody bags. Time for jumpy or whatever form of entertainment the party hosts have provided. Time to celebrate with the lucky birthday girl or boy. And for Hannah, time to break out the new party dress and matching hair accessory.
For us parents, it's time for the kids to be entertained for a few hours, and hopefully not by us. Time for the kids to tire themselves out (to facilitate that nap). And time to socialize (even it it's interrupted at least 10 times to run after the kids and figure out what they're doing) with the other parents.

So Hannah, Luke, Dave and I came out for a friend's daughter's birthday party extravaganza recently at Santa Fe Sur Community park in RSF and boy, was it over-the-top fun. (Belated Happy Birthday Soph!)

First there was the good old jumpy.

And then there were the pony rides.

Of course, bring out the live music entertainment complete with accompanying sing-along instruments and other accoutrements to grab kids' attention.

And then to top it all off (literally) the yum, yum, yummy sangria and wonderfully catered BBQ for the kiddies and us mommies and daddies.

All for for little Sophie who just turned 2 years old.

And a great time was had by all on a wonderful Sunday summer afternoon. Certainly, the bar is set for the next birthday party!

(As I start to feel insecure)

In fact, I think I'll reserve that space now at PumpItUp or Helen Woodward Animal Center for Hannah and Luke's birthday #4 in December.

Think they'll be booked?

Gotta love days like this

It's Sunday morning.  Not yet 8:30am.

And I've already run 9 1/2 miles as a training run for this upcoming half.

Now I can spend a leisurely morning with the kiddos who just got up - with no stress about working out, because it's all out of the way now.

I SO love Sunday mornings like this.

These people obviously don't have kids

I drove to the mall today at lunch to run a few errands and naturally went to my normal parking lot on the 2nd level outside of Nordstrom.   The lot was strangely crowded and full of cars circling about looking for spots.  Hmmmm...Friday...lunchime - I guess everyone had the same idea I had.

After about 10 minutes of making rounds through the lot, I was able to weasel my way to a parking spot.  As I walked through the mall to run my errands, I was quickly reminded that little known company from Cupertino, CA was having a big product launch today.

Yes, the Apple iPhone 3G.  Lovely.

The line snaked past the food court and around a few stores on the other side of the mall.  You would think from this line that they were waiting in line to see the Pope, or better yet, they were auditioning for latest season of American Idol. 

(Jealous, sarcastic tone begins here.) These people obviously have a LOT of time on their hands.  And they obviously don't have kids.   I just don't get the American fascination with gadgets and being the first in line to get the latest and greatest.

Someday when these people have babies, they'll recognize and appreciate and love what's easy and convenient and low-stress.  For now, they can enjoy their child-free days and stand in line for days just to  have the bragging rights that they were the first to get coolest, greatest, new Apple thang.

Yeah, uh, that's it.  

(Note:  Clarissa mocks only because she wants a 3G, too.  For now, she will continue to appreciate her Palm Centro...until next week when you will probably see her in line at UTC mall along with the others waiting to get their hands on the latest and greatest Apple creation).

Live life to the Max

A work colleague (and friend of mine) has got to be one of the strongest souls I know.   

Mostly because I really don't know how he does it.  But what I do see of him is just plain amazing.

He comes to work everyday as an executive leader within our company and you would never know that he and his family are dealing with the most heart-wrenching of situations at home.

His 7-year old son, Max has a rare form of pediatric cancer called Neuroblastoma. You can read about Max and his fight with his relapsed cancer in this blog.  Or, alternatively, you can view this photojournalistic essay blog that captures Max and his family's journey.  Be warned...tears will fall.

I have met Max only once and he is such an amazing, happy, strong boy.  And at the ripe age of 7, he has already dealt with more than most people ever deal with in their lifetime and has shown the bravery and courage of a trained warrior.

Every time I read my colleague's blog updates about Max, I experience the emotional roller coaster ride with them.    And sometimes I laugh and smile, but lately my heart has just been breaking.  Max is continuing to fight the fight every day with his relapsed cancer and has been in and out of the hospital the last few weeks - there is no known cure for relapsed Neuroblastoma.   

And I can't even imagine what he and his family are going through (which is nothing short of traumatic) and how they are dealing with it (which is nothing short of amazing) since I do not walk in his shoes nor do I ever want to in my worst nightmares as a parent.

And it makes me just want to help.

So, I am walking in a fundraiser walk in a few weeks to do my small part in all of this, which is to raise awareness and funding for finding a cure for this terrible disease.   If you are so inclined, please feel free to donate...Or, at the very least, read about this to educate yourself and raise your own awareness, remember to take nothing for granted, and count the many blessings we have in our lives.

Chasing Fireworks

We spent a rather mellow 4th of July at home, with no real plans, and no real schedule...which was rather nice for a change.

For the evening, we thought it would be fun to take the kids out to see fireworks. We wanted something mellow, convenient and kid-friendly (meaning, not too many people). Perhaps this is too much to ask on the 4th of July. We thought not, so we consulted Signonsandiego.com and looked at our options:

Downtown San Diego at the Embarcadero (not mellow, not that kid-friendly, crappy parking)
Coronado (too far, and by the time we get there we will have spent $20 in gas consumption)
La Jolla Cove (um, parking will be even crappier than downtown)
Del Mar Fairgrounds (too crowded, not mellow, no thanks)

So imagine our surprise when we found a nice little, mellow park in RB called Webb Park where it was advertised "Fireworks after sunset."

Sounded cool, uncrowded and totally in line with our informal list of requirements.

So we got there at 8:30 anticipating fireworks to shoot off at 9:00 and layed down our blanket and opened up our bottle of wine.

People were just arriving. Red flag #1. I should have remembered that people camp out for hours for good fireworks shows.

We also noticed that the park was just east of the 15 highway. Red flag #2. Now why would they have fireworks next to a highway? Where would they shoot the fireworks from so close to the 15? Didn't add up.

Then we naturally noticed that there were no pyrotechnics set up anywhere close to the park. Red flag #3.

So we waited. And waited.

And all of a sudden around 9:05 we heard boom! noises just east of us. And we saw the top of the fireworks canopies just over the trees that were blocking our sight.

"Fireworks after sunset" the website advertised...but not at this location apparently. Gyeeeesh.

So, determined for Hannah and Luke to enjoy fireworks, we jumped in the car and attempted to find the source. And we drove through the annals of RB until we found them, about 2 1/2 miles from where we were parked originally.

Because we didn't want to park, walk and miss anything, we rolled down all the windows and sunroof and stopped the car in the street at a stoplight. (there were no cars on the road of course).

And Hannah and Luke were able to see the last of the fireworks from our car. At least we were able to catch the finale.