Mammed up and A-OK

Let me just start this post by saying that I have some strong hypochondriac tendencies.

When I get a bad migraine or start forgetting things, I think I have a brain tumor.

When I start to get the dullest of pain in my joints, I think I'm getting arthritis or think that I need to see an orthopedist because I might need surgery for seemingly permanent damage. 

When I get a little soreness or lumpy in my boobs, I think it's breast cancer.

Well, I nearly scared myself last month and was so convinced  that something was wrong with my breasts last month.  Google and a semi-hypochondriac like myself are a scary combination.  So, for my annual "Well Woman" visit earlier this month, I demanded that I get a mammogram.  

Never mind that I am not yet 40.  

Never mind that I don't have any real lumps that I could feel. 

Never mind that there is no history of breast cancer in my family.

Something just felt a little off.   I just wanted it for my piece of mind.

Not to mention, I am slowly inching towards the 40's and a few people (including friends or relatives of friends) I know have been diagnosed...Maybe it's just my age group, but I am slowly starting to become aware of the fact that it could happen.

So, while I was with the doctor for my "Well Woman" appointment, she told me that it was not likely going to be covered by insurance since I am not yet 40.  And then she proceeded to examine me.   Then she proceeded to tell me that she felt some density on my left breast. 

Hmmm.  Interesting.  

Not what I expected since I had been diligent about doing my own exams and had never before felt anything strange.

"Well, since I am feeling some density and because you seem to really want to get the mammogram, I will go ahead an order one."

Uh, OK.

Of course, with our fabulous (being facetious) health care system here in the States, I had to wait another 3 weeks before getting an appointment with radiology.

And this past Thursday, I finally had my appointment in the Breast Cancer Center radiology department of the hospital which mind you, is a large university teaching hospital.  Great.  The Breast Cancer Center radiology, as opposed to just any radiology department.  Not great for a hypo like me to enter a place like this.  I was kind of freaking out, but my 40+ female friends said not to worry...They basically ran me through the drill:

Don't wear any deodorant.  

Don't put lotion or perfume on your chest. 

Wear pants and a top, not a one-piece dress. 

Be prepared for some discomfort when they pancake your breasts top-to-bottom and left-to-right.

And even if they find something, chances are great that it could still be benign.  

Etc.

 

So I went in, changed into my exam garb and sat in the waiting room.  I was probably the youngest woman there (which made sense).  Then, I got called in and had my very first mammogram and ultrasound.  And it wasn't so bad.

The worst of it was waiting for the radiologist's review and wondering if my life was going to change significantly.

And.  The.  News. Was.

Negative.  

Phhhheewwww.

I'm sure this means that I will now worry about some other ailment that I don't have.

CRigg is writing a post about Facebook statuses and her semi-addiction to them.

Facebook has become a semi-appendage that I can't seem to live without.  And in particular, I'm addicted to my friends' statuses.

You know, that thing at the top of your Facebook profile page where you can express whatever the hell you want about what it is you're doing, feeling, thinking, hating on, loving, whatevah... anything goes.

And ever since the Facebook peeps enabled the commenting feature on friends' statuses, I can't help but participate and comment on every little thing that moves me (or not), whether it's a friend in need of potty training advice, or someone bitching about a football score (or team), or even the seemingly mundane statuses that are not unique and occur for many of us throughout the day:

Suzy Q is at work.  

Me:  Me and you both!  Hang in there! :)

Johnny B is at home drinking wine.

Me: Have one for me!!! :)

Jane Doe has a cold.

Me: Feel better!!!!!  :\

Lizzie thinks Tina Fey is the bomb.

Me: LOVE HER!!  isn't she the greatest?!

You get the picture.   And somehow, I seem to over-exclamate, over-punctuate, over-capitalize and over-use emoticons, more than I ever do in a real-life, non-Facebook situation.  What is it about Facebook that drives this strange behavior in me?!   

And, when I don't hear from the regular statusers for a period of time (yes, that's you, M!), I begin to worry that something is wrong or that my friend needs some lovin.  So I reach out.

My husband laughs at me and calls me an addict.   He tells me I should be spending more of my Facebook time with the family instead of trolling peoples' statuses or friend lists.  And I know he's right.  I find myself logging in when I have a free moment just to see what my friends are up to through their Facebook status, and so that I can comment.  And I love to comment.  

But ultimately, what is it about Facebook statuses I find so intriguing??

The short answer: it's because I'm reconnected with old friends from all parts of my life and can now, through the magic and technology of Facebook, have a window into their lives...filling a vast data vacuum on so many of these folks that I have not been able to fill until now.  

And I just can't get enough.

1.20.09 - A Beautiful Day

You know that song from U2, "Beautiful Day"?  

Well, that's what today was...for me, our kids, the citizens of our great country and for a many, many people around the world.   

That song was the backdrop for a ginormous day in our country's history, where many breathed a collective sigh of relief while feeling the giddy anticipation and excitement of a child on Christmas morning.  Like a child, we've been waiting a long time, hoping for a new gift that gave us a sense of renewal, even if we were to enjoy the newness of it for even a fleeting moment...knowing that the harsh reality of much work to be done will set in tomorrow. 

However, for today, let's enjoy the moment.  Today was historic and magical.  

Truly a "where were you when..." moment.

Where were you when Barack Obama was sworn in as President?

Here was my reality...yes, work.

I said this the other day when I posted and I'll say it again:   

Godspeed, President Obama.  May we exceed our own expectations.    

I pledge to do my part to help you - us - succeed.   

You inspire me and our country to do great things, and I (and my kids, although they don't realize it yet) can't thank you enough for it.   It truly is a gift.

(Yes, I sent them to preschool this way.  i know, i am shamelessly leveraging my kids to get across my beliefs.  It's my 1st amendment right after all.

God bless America.)

Whatta man, whatta man, whatta man, whatta mighty good man

It's been a while since I've posted about Barack Obama so I thought I would do it again for good measure, especially in anticipation (and celebration!) of his upcoming inauguration to be our 44th President (yah!!!!!) on January 20th.  

Truly a big moment for our country.  We have come such a long way.

A friend posted this article on Facebook today of an open letter from Barack to his daughters, Malia and Sasha.  In it, he shares why he embarked on his campaign journey and what he envisions for his little girls and all children.

I so <3 heart <3 Barack.  I so hope he does not disappoint and that he exceeds all expectations.

Godspeed, President-Elect Obama.

Dodging bullets like Neo...and prevailing

Remember the movie The Matrix?  

Well, I felt like Keanu Reaves's character "Neo" this week, dodging bullets in slow motion while the world around me kept moving at normal speed.

If I'm being vague, it's intentional.   You can probably guess why.

It's the economy, stupid, as Slick Willy used to say.

But, I'm hanging in there, like everyone else in the world right now.

Because we have to.

Is this my 4-year old or my mom lecturing me?!

This, yesterday evening:

Me:  Sweeties, can you please clean up your room before you go to bed?  (looking around at the plentiful Star Wars action figures, the TinkerToys, the Matchbox cars, and other plastic creatures that cluttered the rug of their room)

H:  Relaaaaax, Mommy.  

Me:  Huh??  (Surprised, as I had never been told before to "Relax" from either of the kids)

H:  Mommy, we're just kids -  you've got to let us be kids.  Kids are supposed to have messy rooms because we like to play.

My Goals - 2009

OK,  I am inspired to put my 2009 goals out there like my real-world twin mom friend and blog buddy, Sarah, at See Sarah Spin.

Here goes...

Goal #1:  I will lose that twin pregnancy baggage from 4 years ago, if not through surgical help then definitely through natural means - eating better, working out, etc.  

How I know I'm successful: I will fit comfortably back into my size 4 clothes and my 26" waist jeans, preferably with no muffin top.

Goal #2:  I will work out at least 4 times a week and will vary up my routine besides only running.  This includes strength/core training and toning.

How I know I'm successful: See Goal #1 success criteria + I will have more energy.  Also, doing other exercise besides running...yoga, pilates, walking, hiking, swimming.

Goal #3:  I will floss at least more than I have in the past, take better care of my skin and in general, take care of my body - it's my body and I'm stuck with it.  So I better give it some TLC.

How I know I'm successful:  Younger, more youthful skin, good dental visits and strangers calling me "young lady"  or acting surprised (even if they are just humoring me) when I tell them my real age.

Goal #4:  I will spend more quality time and create more genuine encounter moments with my children and my husband.

How I know I'm successful:  Happy kids, happy husband who don't complain that I'm not present.  Mutually satisfying relationships.

Goal #5:  I will continue my path of community involvement/volunteering and take on a leadership role that also furthers my objective of advancing a skillset that can help me in other facets of my life like work, home, etc.

How I know I'm successful:  A developed network of contacts from my community involvement and volunteer work.  My community involvement actually shows tangible, positive outcomes.

Goal #6:  I will reduce my carbon footprint.

How I know I'm successful:  Hmmm.  That's a tough one to measure success.  I guess it's knowing that I am recycling more, driving less, etc.  

Goal #7:  I will eat more organically grown and produced foods.   And so will my family.   No processed crap or crap with preservatives.  This includes expanding the fruits and vegetables we grow in our garden as well as buying from local farmers and harvesters.

How I know I'm successful:  I guess knowing that we're doing this is enough!

And finally, Goal #8:  I will be more patient.

How I know I'm successful:  Putting on my "Pause" button before I start to talk/yell/scream. Being able to control my agitation if I want to say something or do something.

That's all.

Writing Exercise for the Soul

I found this writing exercise from a blog friend, Aaryn Belfer, who I also happen to have met through mutual friends in real life before I re-met her in the blogosphere.  (Go figure...Small world, indeed).  Anyway,  she has a blog I stalk on occasion.   She is also a brilliant photographer and staff writer for CityBeat here in San Diego.  

Anyway,  I really loved what this writing exercise illuminated about her, even though I barely know her.  I decided to do this for myself and post it here.  I know am putting myself out there by doing this, but it also feels strangely liberating.   And it makes me feel so damn self-aware.

If you read this and decide to do this as well, please let me know.  I would love, love, love to check it out.

__________________________________________

I live my life with purpose, but all too often with an eye toward the future instead of the present.  And I am all too aware of it.

I work to satisfy a need I have to do something more than be a wife, a mom, a...whatever.  And even though it takes away from precious family time on occasion, I need to be unapologetic about it.

I talk out loud to myself when I need to build up my confidence about something I need to say. Sometimes I think I'm crazy.

I wish that I didn't worry as much as I do as it's causing me not to live more in the moment.

I enjoy spending Saturday mornings  listening to my children play and interact with one another upstairs while my husband and I enjoy a coffee and reflect on our great life together, all the while our favorite iPod playlist is playing our life soundtrack in the background.

I look at my midsection every day and vow to get a tummy tuck...one of these days.

I smell my children's scent and deeply breathe in their aura every time I hug them.  Pure bliss.

I hide my insecurities from very few, but for the most part, I am an open book.

I pray when I run.  More like reflect.  Running provides a state of spirituality for me that I cannot find in any organized religious forum.

I walk only when I can't run.  Walking feels wimpy to me.

I sing at the top of my lungs in the car when I'm by myself.  Especially during American Idol season when I realize that anyone can be a rock star if they really wanted to set their mind to it.

I can do-it-all-dammit.  Or at least I try.    Just watch me, and maybe I'll even try harder.

I watch my husband interact with our children and am in awe of him and how patient and loving he is with them.   I really lucked out when I married him.  

I yearn to travel the world, live overseas and be an ex-pat, but realize that our life here could severely limit the prospect of doing so.  Which leads me to...

I daydream about being a contestant on the Amazing Race with my husband and seeing how it would potentially hurt or strengthen our marriage.  After all, it is our mutual love of travel and wanderlust that initially brought us together.  I also daydream (can I do another one??) of winning the lottery and what I would do with the money.  I wonder how it would change our lives, positively and negatively.  

I want (secretly) sometimes to keep up with the Joneses but then I catch myself doing it and then blow it off as a silly thought.

I cry at the drop of a hat, at the smallest things, and things that don't really warrant tears. Commercials, cheesy movies, even NCAA championships and Superbowl games.  Vaccination shots, kids' holiday pageants, you name it.

I read too little (in this post-babies era) and when I do I am embarrassed to tell people what I read because they consist of non-intelligent things.   Like Us magazine.  Or Lucky.   Or Perez Hilton.com.   Hey, I think political websites count as intelligent right?

I love my life but often wonder what other untapped potential there is waiting for me.

I wonder what is going on in my children's heads when I am conversing with them.

I touch my children's face and am in awe that there is still a whole lifetime of highs and lows that they have yet to experience.  And...

I hurt knowing that my children will at some point feel pain, sadness, guilt, inadequacy but that with the right coping skills that  we can help instill in them, they will be OK.

I fear dying and being abandoned, but I take solace in the fact that I attempt to live each day with purpose. 

I hope that the new president-elect does not disappoint.  The world's hopes lie in his ability to lead, especially after 8 years of virtually no leadership.

I eat out less often than I used to when I was single.  And when I do, it usually involves somewhere loud and a coloring book menu and crayons.

I break promises to my children sometimes when I bribe them.  When I see the look of disappointment in their faces, it breaks my heart and I think I'm a terrible mother.

I quit my unhealthy social smoking habit years ago, but I still sometimes crave a cigarette. Especially after a few glasses of wine.  Because it makes me feel like a bad-ass.

I bathe with my children in the shower and have come to really enjoy the typically mundane bath-time routine through their eyes.  Who knew that cups and bath paints could entertain so much?

I drink too much caffeine and alcohol and too little water.

I save like I am an immigrant who is hording cash to send back to the family in the motherland. Perhaps because that is what my parents did when I was growing up?

I hug my children's little bodies and savor their petite size now, knowing that hugs will come fewer and far between in several years.

 

I miss the giddiness I used to feel when I first met my husband and yearn for that giddiness on those many days in recent years when I feel as if we are two ships passing in the night.  And I wonder if all marriages follow this pattern and realize I am not alone.

I forgive my father, who has hurt me too many times during the most important events of my life.  I now realize that he has always been an attention-seeker and this was his way of satisfying this need.

I've learned that marriage is an unnatural act.  Putting two people together for the rest of their lives just goes against basic human instincts.  This is why marriage takes work.  And if you have found the right person it makes all the work worth it.

I have wonderful girlfriends who keep me grounded and in check, when my husband can't.

I don't have to do anything I don't want, but sometimes I do out of a sense of responsibility and obligation, because that's how I was raised.

I kiss my kids every night and stare at them as they sleep.  I love that peace I feel when I look at my slumbering children (as opposed to when they are awake and jumping on me).

I wonder if I've learned anything new about myself going through this exercise...