Explaining mortality to a 4 1/2 year old

Yesterday, we took the kids to the "Touch a Truck" event to benefit pediatric cancer research.  My friend and colleague, Andy Mikulak, formed the non-profit Max's Ring of Fire (which hosted the event) after the passing of his beautiful 7 year old boy Max to neuroblastoma (an aggressive childhood cancer) last August.  We were there to not only offer our support but also enjoy a family-friendly outing that we knew the kids would enjoy.

We had attended Max's "celebration of life"  last fall after his passing, so the kids still remember Max and continue to talk about him as if they actually knew him -- when in reality, they have never crossed paths.    

But to my kids, Max continues to be their hero because of his strength and courage in his 4 year fight against the horrible cancer.  And when they talk about heaven, they mention Max.

Every so often they ask about his cancer and are perplexed as to why he was so young when he died.  My grandmother passed this past February and they "got" that she was old and lived a long life, but they still sometimes don't understand what happened to Max.

L: Mommy, why did Max die?

Me: Because he was very, very sick.

L:  What made him sick?

Me: He had a disease, which is a sickness, and it's called cancer.

L:  Was it because he didn't wear socks or have his shots at the doctor?

Me:  No, honey...sometimes it just happens.  But, wearing socks and getting your shots at the doctor can help you stay healthy.

L: But, why?

Me:  I can't explain it honey. But, this is why it's always good to be as healthy as possible in the things you can control...like eating your veggies, exercising and other stuff.

L:  So even if you do all that stuff, you still may die?

Me: Yes, honey...but this is why it's good to treat your body in the best way possible and that includes what you eat and making sure you get physical activity. So, this means that you shouldn't let Grandma and Grandpa take you to Big M (McDonalds) too much because the food isn't very healthy.

L: Oh, OK.

Me: So, does this means you will try your veggies?

L: (long pause)  Um....No.

________

Despite the conversation that this event sparked between my son and I on mortality, I still think of Max often and am in awe of his courage and his vivacious spirit.   I often use him as an example of the brave warrior in all of us who is now smiling upon us as an angel in heaven.