The sisterhood of the traveling pant(suits)

I have a cool group of Bunko chicas I've been hanging with this year. And while many of them are very similar to me personality-wise, others are not. But we do all have one thing in common: we are all mommies who are trying to do/have/balance-it-all, dammit.

Lately, our adventures and get-togethers have extended beyond our once a month girls-night-in playing Bunko. And many of them have become my friends.

We now go to each others' kids' birthday extravaganzas.

We attend each others' own birthday dinners.

We throw each other baby showers for #2 (or #3).

We support each others' fundraisers.

We sneak away during weekend errands to get manis and pedis together.

We get together in the guise of creating farm-fresh, organic meals for our families at those big-ass dinner-packaging places when we are really just looking for an excuse to have a glass of wine with our girlfriends during the week.

We support each other when getting botox and lipo...(oh, sorry, wrong mom's club...that's in Orange County)

We even walk 5ks, train for and run half marathons together.

And so, it's opened up a whole new social circle for me: the world of Southern California suburban super-mommies. They are MY sisterhood of the traveling pantsuits.

It's a world I always knew existed but never thought I would be a part of, at least 4 years ago when I started this adventure called parenting. And here I am in the thick of it...and I love it.

But lately, my husband has been complaining.

He thinks all of these social events weekend-in and weekend-out is just too much. And that it's taking away from us. The family. Even when a lot of our activities with the sisterhood of the traveling pantsuits involve the family (outside of Bunko of course).

So why is he still bitching about it?

I am hypothesizing it's because he is slightly jealous that I've developed a bond with these ladies that he hasn't replicated with guy friends since we've lived here. I'm also conjecturing that he does not like to have his social plans almost exclusively scheduled by me. But of course, he would never admit that to me.

Or is it because, at a fundamental level, he does not understand that women need other good female friends, that they feed off each other and rely so heavily upon the female bonds we make to feel normal and semi-validated?

And that the time we spend with other women vindicates all of the seemingly crazy emotions we feel as moms-trying-to-balance-it-all-dammit. And that all of this is just par for the course of attempting to be a super-mom, a super-woman in this day, in this age, in our situations?

Well, I don't know that he will ever really understand, but I guess that's why I rely on my sisterhood.

Bunko is the new Bridge

I have a pastime once a month and it is one of the few non-family, non-husband related extracurricular activities that I actually look forward to doing.

Bunko.

It's what bridge and mahjong used to be for my mom when I was growing up in the 70's - a time for busy moms to get together away from their husbands, the kids...reality, time to not have to think and take care of someone else, and time to just be YOU and be girly again.

But girly with a twist - a motherly, I-have-responsibilities-and-am-getting-a-hall-pass-just-for-tonight twist.

For many women, it's their one big getaway for the month. For me, it provides an outlet to rediscover my former self -- my pre-marriage, pre-babies self. It takes me back to the old days when I was single and had all the time in the world to spend with girlfriends having the typical, estrogen-filled discussions over the same tried but true topics:
Men.
Relationships.
Careers.
The glass ceiling.
Sex.
Shopping.
The latest collection of Tom Ford shades at Bloomingdale's.

And today, years (and weddings, and several pregnancies) later, it's a different group of ladies but we women still discuss the same topics, but with a new, slightly different filter.  (Add kids to the topic list!)

Rather than talking about THE ONE and what type of weddings we'd plan, we now talk about the importance of date nights and maintaining some semblance of a romantic relationship with our spouses.

Rather than trying to figure out men and the meaning of their every move like we did before, we recognize and accept that our husbands are pretty transparent -- what you see is what you get -- and we compare stories and learn that we are not the only ones who have to deal with not-involved-enough partners or too-involved-partners or semi-anti-social-partners (I'm not saying that Dave is any one of these people, by the way).

Rather than discuss our male hook-up escapades and compare tactics, we still talk about tactics, and we discover and learn new ways to make things more um,  interesting with our spouses in the bedroom when our everyday existence becomes mundane.  And sex becomes an event reserved only for adding to our brood (think: Bunko Challenge...ask me if you are ever interested.)

Rather than talking about graduate schools and the GMATs or GREs to advance our knowledge,
we still debate the merits of school - preschool, that is - comparing one over the other, and we list the benefits and drawbacks of private vs. public school education. Our knowledge swap consists of parenting tips and tactics. From potty training tips for #2. To redirecting power-addicted 3-year olds. To tips for raising our little girls into strong women. To coping with sleep deprivation. To handling our toddlers when when another one is on the way.

Rather than talking about that great deal on a new pair of designer jeans we got at Loehmann's, we ... oh we still do that.

And rather than talking about that next promotion or career step and making more money, we now talk about our work as "jobs", whether they are in the home, outside the home, or whatever or wherever each individual life calling takes us. We swap ideas and inquisitively discuss how to morph our "jobs" into passions that can help us do a better job balancing family life and the need to do something just for ourselves.

And we wonder and look in awe at the women around us and we ask ourselves how they manage to do it. And we feel better because we know we are not alone, and we have a wonderful network of women who can support us just because they listen, and understand.

(All of this while we role the dice and sip Merlot.)