Blog guilt (Or, random musings and justification of how I spend my free time these days)

Where did the month go? 

The election happened; my candidate won.

Work continued to happen, and happen, and happen...with seemingly no end. (not that I am complaining...believe me, I'm just happy to have a job in these fragile economic times.)

The kids are getting closer to 4 years old with every passing day.

And now they are playing holiday music where ever I go.

Gyeeesh.  I know Q4 would fly but this is so ridiculous.

And.  I've been feeling guilty lately that I haven't been blogging.  After all, this is supposed to be my love letter to my kids, and my chronicle of our lives at this crazy, insane time in our lives. But I haven't been blogging.  And it's not that I don't have anything to blog about. 

I have plenty.

It's just that life is so....

Busy.  

Crazy.

Rushed.

That I don't have time to collect myself and my thoughts and write something semi-coherent and meaningful.

And when I do have that extra time these days, I choose to have a massage.  Or do some retail therapy (or window shopping, in this economy).  Or get my nails done. Or have a date with my husband.  Or grab drinks with the girls.   Since I barely have time for myself anymore - outside of parenting, working, wifing, etc.  And the last thing I want to do with any down time is sit in front of a computer when I've been sitting in front of one all damn day for work.

I keep thinking that things will slow down.

And maybe I should accept that they won't and that such is life and such is the pace where I am - WE ARE - in our lives right now.

For now, I will post a few of my favorite, recent photos of the kids that we recently took for our annual family beach photo shoot.  I'm also posting these because I've noticed lately that my last several posts have no photos (and this is why I started this whole thing to begin with - to chronicle our lives right now!)

These photos makes me smile.  And it reminds me that all of the craziness I feel at times (ok, probably most of the time) is ALL worth it.

Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy

I have waited 8 years for this.

What a victory it is. And it is so much sweeter because I know I did my teensy little part in making history here in California's 50th congressional district to help elect Barack Obama.

Effing amazing. I feel ebullient. Ecstatic. Hopeful. And I have faith in the American electorate again.

The enthusiasm and energy across the country... the world... is just amazing.

After today, I can go back to blogging about Hannah and Luke's poop or boogers and their goofy observations about life. Or darling husband's musings. Or mine, about something other than this election.

Hannah, Luke and darling husband - thanks for being so patient with me over the last 8 weeks.

All this campaigning and volunteering and electioneering and debating and attempts to educate others about why Barack- I did for you. I did this for our future, so we can feel hopeful and proud our what our country can achieve.

Yes we can.

Ever feel like you're running on a treadmill...

...and not sure how much further you have to go?

That's how I feel right now, and have been feeling for a few weeks.

Am trying to get it together.

This working mom stuff and my aspirational attempts to do-it-all is breaking me.

Thank goodness for my kids and husband, who put it all in perspective. That's what really matters in times of general stress and busy-ness.

Why I haven't been blogging lately

Yeah, I know.  Excuses, excuses:

Kids and family.

Work, work, and more work.  (it's kicking my ass right now!)

Busy weekend schedule - birthday parties, travel, Lord knows what else. 

Obama campaign volunteering, with 14 days to go.

Did I mention work?

Internet surfing to satisfy my internal political junkie and obsession with this campaign.

Would. Rather. Sleep. 

(OMG, where the hell did October go?!)

Blog topics that I will attempt to cover in the near-term, time permitting:  

• Funny (and appalling!) stories from my campaign involvement (and the myriad 80 year olds I seem to have to call from my canvassing lists)
  
• Camping with the kiddos, Take 1 (or, how to avoid having your 3 year old twins whine all night  when sleeping in a tent in the great outdoors)
  
• Family reunion (I guess I now understand why we only seem to do this every couple of years)
  
• Birthday party planning (I can't believe my babies are  actually kids now!)
  

You see, I actually DO have a lot to say and share; there are just not enough hours in the day to write about them.  

Fear and loathing in America

There was a lot of hullaballoo this week about the recent McCain/Palin rallies and all of the fear and loathing that these candidates have incited at these events.

"Arab!"     "Terrorist!"      "Kill Him!"  

Basically, it was everything short of calling the man a N -----, which, I have no doubt, was  being privately harbored or said under one's breath by many.

I've watched endless news and YouTube videos this week of these rallies.  And I took heed of the audience's background comments as Palin made insinuations of Obama's dangerousness and terrorist associations.  Not surprisingly, I  became more and more appalled, and more and more saddened by what I was seeing.  

And then, I got bitter.  So bitter that I became almost obsessed about this turn of events this week, wondering how this incitement of fear and loathing would impact the polls and the tide of the election.   And more importantly, I wondered what types of deep-rooted, downright ugly sentiments would surface from the American electorate when stoked by others...in this case, pitbull Palin.

It harkened me back to a time when I was an awkward teenager living in Charlotte, North Carolina, just having moved from the cultural melting-pot of Northern California.   My bitterness was rooted in a seminal event from my youth: when I had first heard racial slurs directed at me from some ignorant teenagers at a Burger King drive-thru.  

"Chink!  Go back to your own country!"  

they yelled with a North Carolina southern twang.

Needless to say, I was shocked.  And angry.   And I told myself that these people were ignorant, stupid fools.  (By the way, there are very nice people in the state of North Carolina...I just happened to run into some unfortunate ones that night).

"There are other countries besides China in the continent of Asia.  These dumbasses think that every Asian is Chinese.   How stupid!  They probably can't even name other Asian countries on the map!"  

This is what I justified to myself as a 1st generation Filipino who had just been called a chink.  And after this,  I vowed to myself that when I grew up I was never going to live in a non-socially progressive place again  - I did not want my children to ever experience this kind of disdain and disrespect (little did I know how naive that thinking was).  

So back to the events of this week.  

I wondered who these people at these rallies are.  Are they the sons and daughters of small-town U.S.A.??  Of bumblef&ck hicksville??  It also made me wonder - are there many closeted, narrow-minded people here in my own backyard of the so-called socially progressive, culturally-tolerant state of California??  

Who are these people making these awful comments and where the hell did they come from?! 

And sadly, these were my angry thoughts as I tried to rationalize what I was seeing:

They are certainly not people that I dare associate with.  

Nor will we ever be cut from the same cloth.  

Because I am more educated and open-minded than these people.  (yeah, yeah, call me an elitist)

And they are just a bunch of...retards.

But then I realized, and a fellow socially-progressive friend (thanks, M!) reminded me:  mocking and making fun of these people does not advance our cause; it only serves to fuel the fire and further polarize Americans into the elitists and non-elitists, the progressives and the conservatives, the free-thinkers and the narrow-minded, the well-informed and the ignorant.

And today, McCain attempted to tame the flame that his campaign had started, whether they intended to do this or not.  Unfortunately, this flame may turn into a fire that will continue to burn, if not on the surface then in the closets and basements...and nothing can be done to put it out.  This ugliness is what scares me the most -- for our generation and for our children's generation.  

So, now, I must have patience.  Patience that America will come through.  Patience that some good will come out of this.   Patience that the dark days we Americans are feeling are almost behind us.  Patience that the hope I continue to feel is palpable and real and is practically within our reach.

And I must continue to have tolerance that not everyone sees the world as I do.  And that there is still some ugliness that exists in this world.  In this country.  And probably even in my own socially progressive backyard here in the state of California.

Patience and tolerance does not come easy for this working mom of twins, but for the sake of my sanity over the next 25 days left in this campaign, I will certainly try.

My Extreme Makeover - on the Today Show site! (thankfully, no photos)

I mentioned in a post last week that my company, along with Dr. Amy Wechsler, has launched a new book on skincare with a short case study about yours truly on pages 21-23 of the book.

Well, Dr. Amy was on the Today Show the other day and my specific write-up and excerpt from the book is on the Today Show website, here. How fun!

From the write-up, I sound like I lead a crazy, pathetic life of a working mom who has no time to take care of herself, but I guess it's necessary if they want to tell a true makeover story.

Hehe.

Veeps face-off

Was it me, or was the Veep debate tonight MUCH more interesting than last Friday night's debate??!

Q4 is here

October 1 marks the beginning of what us calendar year fiscal year corporate folks call Q4.  So, no doubt, things are really, really busy.

For everyone else, it marks the beginning of the "holidays" which it seems starts earlier and earlier every year.   And with the holidays, comes the kids' birthday (along with the Star Wars-themed party I must plan along with it) - their 4th.

OMG.

Where did the year go?

And where did my babies go?

4 1/2 months old, April 2005

 

Almost 4 years old, September 2008

My 15 minutes of fame

About a year ago, one of my work colleagues asked me if I wanted to participate in a focus group for the new book we were developing (I work for a large media company, in case I haven't already mentioned that). The focus group participants would work and consult with a renowned New York City celebrity dermatologist-psychologist to help improve our skin, reduce our stress and help us achieve a more youthful looking appearance by doing a few simple things.    

In addition to other criteria for focus group participants, one of the participants they were seeking was a 30-something, busy woman (preferably a working mom who didn't have time to take care of herself) and if they could find one,  a token Asian (gee - sounds familiar!).   And I seemed to fit the bill for several of the criteria.

For free.   

To help out with a work project.  

With added bonus of potentially improving my then 35-year old sun-damaged, already-starting-to-age skin.   

PLUS, access to a renowned NYC dermatologist.   

Hmmmm... 

Well, as you can imagine, it didn't take too long for me to make a decision to be one of the sacrificial lambs for the writing of this book.  The purpose of the focus group was to go through Dr. Amy's treatment and eventually be featured in the book about reversing the physical aging that is caused by stress, lack of sleep, lack of hydration, you-name-it (basically, all of the bad habits that contribute to our physical appearance and skin - which is almost everything).

A few lifestyle changes (like more sleep, more date nights), lots of Shiseido 55 SPF sunscreen, Keihl's cleansing products, safflower oil and Neutrogena moisturizer and 2 tubes of Tretinoin retina cream later, my skin is smoother and a little more youthful because of Dr. Amy's treatment.

So now, voila!

Next week, the book launches.  And on pages 21-23, I am featured as what not-to-do (at least 12 months ago). Funny enough, it is quite a  pathetic read since it sounds like I do nothing but work, hang out with the family in spurts in the evenings and on weekends, and stay up late on the computer -- which, sadly, is not entirely untrue.  But I take solace in the fact that such is the life of a full-time working mom.

Thankfully, no photos of me.  Those were left on the Simon & Schuster editor's cutting room floor.

Here's to another 6 years of wedded bliss and new adventures

Sunday, the 21st was our 6 year wedding anniversary.

Six years ago on the 21st of September, we walked down the aisle at the Church in the Forest in Pebble Beach, California. And afterwards, we had a wonderful reception at the Quail Lodge in nearby Carmel-by-the-Sea with over 160 of our closest friends and family members. It was a blissful, unforgettable day. And it was exactly the wedding I had dreamed of having as a little girl, complete with the perfect wedding dress, a handsome groom, a classy, idyllic destination setting and all.

At the time, Dave was a job-searching, laid-off software sales guy and I was working in a stressful, sweatshop job in a big-and-corporate-consumer-software company in the Valley product managing small business software. We were renting our dinky little 2-bedroom, $1900 a-month (no joke!) apartment in the San Francisco Bay Area and contemplating leaving the rat race of Silicon Valley for greener and beachier pastures down in San Diego, where Dave grew up.

Six years ago, we felt like we were running on a treadmill with no set mileage goal and we were scared of what would happen if we tried to get off and stop.  And we were wondering, dreaming of the day that we could actually, finally afford our own home and start raising a family.  At the time, it seemed like a far-and-away prospect since the home prices in the Bay Area were (at least where we were in the Peninsula, just north of the Valley where we were thinking of buying) at the cheapest were about $700-$800K a pop.  Yes.  For a 1960's or 1970's-era "starter" home with probably no more than 1500 square feet of house.  And this was back in 2002 when we were a newly married couple, practically broke by today's standards.

So, we decided to up and move down south to San Diego in 2003 to create a new life that we felt we could not have had we stayed up north. And now, 6 years later, we are blessed with 2 amazing, healthy children, a warm, supportive family on both sides, a wonderful home in a caring, eco-friendly community, a comfortable lifestyle that allows us to travel and see the world, forward-moving careers and a blissful lifestyle in one of the best cities in the world. (Really, I'm not bragging; I'm just reminiscing and counting our many blessings :)

And my, how far we have come since then. And in a strange way, this -- our current existence -- is always how I planned it in my head.  I just didn't know how we would get here.

Sunday night, we went out on date night in La Jolla to celebrate year #6 and enjoyed a swanky sushi meal at Zenbu where the fancy rolls were little art creations unto themselves. And by the time we left, we were heavier on the tummies and lighter on the wallets. It felt so indulgent, especially with all of the economic hardship out in the country right now but it was our time to celebrate, so we did.

Here's the one of the off-the-menu sushi creations we enjoyed from the chef last night...called Sid Fishous - haha. (Notice the "anarchy" symbol made out of hotsauce...Dave was thoroughly amused being a skater punk kid of the 80's and all) Sid Fishous cost $20 so you can bet we enjoyed every bit of that roll, right down to the last grain of rice which probably cost at least $.05 cents. Despite my fetish for things designer/pricey (like jeans, sunglasses and purses), I am cheap with other things, like food and treating ourselves to a nice dinner, so not surprisingly I think that way.

Nonetheless, six years is a feat. It hasn't always been easy, and there are times when I'm sure we both at some point were contemplating our choice, but we've both managed to grow and learn and continue to make each other better through it all. We are committed to one another and we're in love, 6 years later.

And Sunday night, we drank Sapporos and Mai Tais, enjoyed fancy sushi and celebrated the life we've created together and the adventures that are yet to come.