Just do it

Below is the passage from one of my favorite Nike print ads, from the early 90's. I was in college at the time this ad campaign came out.

I don't know why this print ad inspired me so much at the time but after reading this again this week I realize that I still love it.

The message is quite simple and timeless:
Life happens but ultimately we all control our own destiny.
And often it amounts to the lens and attitude with which we choose to see the world that ultimately impacts how and if we move forward.

I sooo needed to read this again, especially this week.


You were born a daughter.
You looked up to your mother.
You looked up to your father.
You looked up at everyone.
You wanted to be a princess.
You thought you were a princess.
You wanted to own a horse.
You wanted to be a horse.
You wanted your brother to be a horse.
You wanted to wear pink.
You never wanted to wear pink.
You wanted to be a Veterinarian.
You wanted to be President.
You wanted to be the President's Veterinarian.
You were picked last for the team.
You were the best one on the team.
You refused to be on the team.
You wanted to be good in algebra.
You hid during algebra.
You wanted the boys to notice you.
You were afraid the boys would notice you.
You started to get acne.
You started to get breasts.
You started to get acne that was bigger than your breasts.
You wouldn't wear a bra.
You couldn't wait to wear a bra.
You couldn't fit into a bra.
You didn't like the way you looked.
You didn't like the way your parents looked.
You didn't want to grow up.
You had your first best friend.
You had your first date.
You had your second best friend.
You had your second first date.
You spent hours on the telephone.
You got kissed.
You got to kiss back.
You went to the prom.
You didn't go to the prom.
You went to the prom with the wrong person.
You spent hours on the telephone.
You fell in love.
You fell in love.
You fell in love.
You lost your best friend.
You lost your other best friend.
You really fell in love.
You became a steady girlfriend.
You became a significant other.

YOU BECAME SIGNIFICANT TO YOURSELF.

Sooner or later, you start taking yourself seriously. You know when you need a break. You know when you need a rest. You know what to get worked up about and what to get rid of. And you know when it's time to take care of yourself, for yourself. To do something that makes you stronger, faster, more complete. Because you know it's never too late to have a life. And never too late to change one.

JUST DO IT.

Catharsis

dearest kids,

(breathe. breathe. breathe. deep. breaths. ooohhhhm.)

i am showing restraint right now by writing in my blog instead of marching into your bedroom like a drill sergeant and ordering you to go to bed.

it's 10:30p.m. and you are still up laughing and giggling and fighting and playing in the corners of your dimly lit room.

do you know that i have to wake you up at 6:30 a.m. tomorrow morning so i can make it in time to get myself together, get you together, feed you breakfast, eat my breakfast, lather you up with sunscreen, make your lunch, make my lunch, take you to preschool...all so i can make my 8:30 a.m. meeting at work??? (all this without any make-up and with my hair barely combed)

i know there are things i can do differently so it's not a battle every night when we put you down for bed and so that i am less tired when i wake up every morning.

like separate you.
or take the toys out of your room permanently.
or take down the nightlight and have it be completely dark.
or not keep you up with me to watch Idol, or Survivor or some other silly reality show.
or not stay up after i've put you down to surf the internets & facebook, or do work.

but i haven't acted on those ideas.

you know why?

because i inherently have faith that you will be able to deal and work through it. because you're 4 now.
and because i have an aspiration that instead of changing my habits, you may even adapt (even though i know it's unfair to expect from you).

or maybe sometimes i just don't want to deal which is why i am sitting here typing and venting instead of intervening and telling you for the 7th time to go to bed...because i'm so dang tired.

and that if i do go in there and intervene, i may have a mommy-dearest moment and say something i don't want to say or say something in a tone that i will regret later. and that you will be angry with me and resent me.

or maybe i'm just hoping that at some point ignoring your late-night-you-really-should-be-sleeping-banter is OK and that in a few minutes i'll have peace and quiet as you slowly fall into slumber.

......

which is what i now have, 25 minutes into typing this post.

whew.

ok, that felt good.

good night.

(Almost) officially in my late 30's

Today is my last day of being 36.  

You know, when you can still consider yourself in the mid-30-something cohort.  

Tomorrow, May 17, I turn 37.  I think that officially qualifies me as being a part of the late-30's set.  

I am exactly how old my mom was when I first told my mom, "gosh, you're old, momma."

But I don't feel old.  I feel exactly the way I did when I was 27, but wiser and more strong than I've ever been  - strong in mind, spirit and physicality.  Which is all a 37-year-old can ask for.

So, as with every birthday, I take inventory of what's happened over the last year...well, the last 10 years.  And I realize how far I've come since I was 27.  And it makes me smile.

First of all, "I" is now a WE x4 - me + a husband and two 4 1/2 year old lovely children.  Twins, no less.  A boy and a girl.  I feel so blessed.

I don't live in a shoebox studio in San Fran anymore, living the life of a traveling consultant who never knew what city I would be in a month out.  I...we actually own a home and are about as settled as we will ever be.

And my career.  Who would have ever thought I would be doing what I'm doing and continuing to move this part of my life forward, but I am and I can't complain.  

So, with that, I celebrate the fullness of my life and how far I have come on my 37th birthday-- however small, careful, and few the baby-steps I've taken to get here.   

And.  

I know.  

I deserve. 

THIS.

I'm ba-ack.

Someone on FB reminded me the other day that I needed to update my blog (yes, that's you, M). And so I am.

I have to remember that I should not feel pressure to update this thing. And that this is here for my enjoyment, my venting outlet, and that updating this should be a fun thing.

It had been so long since I have updated this blog that I started feeling guilty for not updating it. And instead of addressing the guilt by taking action and blogging (even for just a short post), I kept prolonging it and then felt more and more guilty. Because of my guilt, I kept prolonging it and got into this virtuous cycle. (ever get into those cycles or is it just crazy me?!)

Well, I'm back. And I'm blogging. Even if it's about nothing. Or something short and quick. Or a silly, mundane thing that happened to me or the kids or US that I want to remember.

Because that's why I started this thing to begin with - to remember this crazy, busy, insane time in our lives when the kids are still this big, and life is THIS busy. Everyone I know with bigger or grown-up kids tells me that this time - this very special time - just zips by in a flash...and that someday, I'll want to remember and look back on these treasured days when the kids actually still want to hang out with me (instead of their friends) and when they are still so small that I can carry them without throwing out my back.

So here I am.

'xplainin the absence

busy, busy at work... management presentations galore.

family funeral last week in which i wrote the eulogy (more to come on this when i am repaired from this experience).

husband traveled this week, leaving me with kids all week long - along with a full plate at work. was pulling hair out.  four. days. straight.

i'll be back, just can't function enough to write a coherent blog post. 

am only capable of phrases and short snippets, a la Facebook statuses.

am depleted of energy but the old me shall return soon, thanks to my new found solace in yoga.

ooohhhhhmmmmm.

Mammed up and A-OK

Let me just start this post by saying that I have some strong hypochondriac tendencies.

When I get a bad migraine or start forgetting things, I think I have a brain tumor.

When I start to get the dullest of pain in my joints, I think I'm getting arthritis or think that I need to see an orthopedist because I might need surgery for seemingly permanent damage. 

When I get a little soreness or lumpy in my boobs, I think it's breast cancer.

Well, I nearly scared myself last month and was so convinced  that something was wrong with my breasts last month.  Google and a semi-hypochondriac like myself are a scary combination.  So, for my annual "Well Woman" visit earlier this month, I demanded that I get a mammogram.  

Never mind that I am not yet 40.  

Never mind that I don't have any real lumps that I could feel. 

Never mind that there is no history of breast cancer in my family.

Something just felt a little off.   I just wanted it for my piece of mind.

Not to mention, I am slowly inching towards the 40's and a few people (including friends or relatives of friends) I know have been diagnosed...Maybe it's just my age group, but I am slowly starting to become aware of the fact that it could happen.

So, while I was with the doctor for my "Well Woman" appointment, she told me that it was not likely going to be covered by insurance since I am not yet 40.  And then she proceeded to examine me.   Then she proceeded to tell me that she felt some density on my left breast. 

Hmmm.  Interesting.  

Not what I expected since I had been diligent about doing my own exams and had never before felt anything strange.

"Well, since I am feeling some density and because you seem to really want to get the mammogram, I will go ahead an order one."

Uh, OK.

Of course, with our fabulous (being facetious) health care system here in the States, I had to wait another 3 weeks before getting an appointment with radiology.

And this past Thursday, I finally had my appointment in the Breast Cancer Center radiology department of the hospital which mind you, is a large university teaching hospital.  Great.  The Breast Cancer Center radiology, as opposed to just any radiology department.  Not great for a hypo like me to enter a place like this.  I was kind of freaking out, but my 40+ female friends said not to worry...They basically ran me through the drill:

Don't wear any deodorant.  

Don't put lotion or perfume on your chest. 

Wear pants and a top, not a one-piece dress. 

Be prepared for some discomfort when they pancake your breasts top-to-bottom and left-to-right.

And even if they find something, chances are great that it could still be benign.  

Etc.

 

So I went in, changed into my exam garb and sat in the waiting room.  I was probably the youngest woman there (which made sense).  Then, I got called in and had my very first mammogram and ultrasound.  And it wasn't so bad.

The worst of it was waiting for the radiologist's review and wondering if my life was going to change significantly.

And.  The.  News. Was.

Negative.  

Phhhheewwww.

I'm sure this means that I will now worry about some other ailment that I don't have.

CRigg is writing a post about Facebook statuses and her semi-addiction to them.

Facebook has become a semi-appendage that I can't seem to live without.  And in particular, I'm addicted to my friends' statuses.

You know, that thing at the top of your Facebook profile page where you can express whatever the hell you want about what it is you're doing, feeling, thinking, hating on, loving, whatevah... anything goes.

And ever since the Facebook peeps enabled the commenting feature on friends' statuses, I can't help but participate and comment on every little thing that moves me (or not), whether it's a friend in need of potty training advice, or someone bitching about a football score (or team), or even the seemingly mundane statuses that are not unique and occur for many of us throughout the day:

Suzy Q is at work.  

Me:  Me and you both!  Hang in there! :)

Johnny B is at home drinking wine.

Me: Have one for me!!! :)

Jane Doe has a cold.

Me: Feel better!!!!!  :\

Lizzie thinks Tina Fey is the bomb.

Me: LOVE HER!!  isn't she the greatest?!

You get the picture.   And somehow, I seem to over-exclamate, over-punctuate, over-capitalize and over-use emoticons, more than I ever do in a real-life, non-Facebook situation.  What is it about Facebook that drives this strange behavior in me?!   

And, when I don't hear from the regular statusers for a period of time (yes, that's you, M!), I begin to worry that something is wrong or that my friend needs some lovin.  So I reach out.

My husband laughs at me and calls me an addict.   He tells me I should be spending more of my Facebook time with the family instead of trolling peoples' statuses or friend lists.  And I know he's right.  I find myself logging in when I have a free moment just to see what my friends are up to through their Facebook status, and so that I can comment.  And I love to comment.  

But ultimately, what is it about Facebook statuses I find so intriguing??

The short answer: it's because I'm reconnected with old friends from all parts of my life and can now, through the magic and technology of Facebook, have a window into their lives...filling a vast data vacuum on so many of these folks that I have not been able to fill until now.  

And I just can't get enough.

1.20.09 - A Beautiful Day

You know that song from U2, "Beautiful Day"?  

Well, that's what today was...for me, our kids, the citizens of our great country and for a many, many people around the world.   

That song was the backdrop for a ginormous day in our country's history, where many breathed a collective sigh of relief while feeling the giddy anticipation and excitement of a child on Christmas morning.  Like a child, we've been waiting a long time, hoping for a new gift that gave us a sense of renewal, even if we were to enjoy the newness of it for even a fleeting moment...knowing that the harsh reality of much work to be done will set in tomorrow. 

However, for today, let's enjoy the moment.  Today was historic and magical.  

Truly a "where were you when..." moment.

Where were you when Barack Obama was sworn in as President?

Here was my reality...yes, work.

I said this the other day when I posted and I'll say it again:   

Godspeed, President Obama.  May we exceed our own expectations.    

I pledge to do my part to help you - us - succeed.   

You inspire me and our country to do great things, and I (and my kids, although they don't realize it yet) can't thank you enough for it.   It truly is a gift.

(Yes, I sent them to preschool this way.  i know, i am shamelessly leveraging my kids to get across my beliefs.  It's my 1st amendment right after all.

God bless America.)

Whatta man, whatta man, whatta man, whatta mighty good man

It's been a while since I've posted about Barack Obama so I thought I would do it again for good measure, especially in anticipation (and celebration!) of his upcoming inauguration to be our 44th President (yah!!!!!) on January 20th.  

Truly a big moment for our country.  We have come such a long way.

A friend posted this article on Facebook today of an open letter from Barack to his daughters, Malia and Sasha.  In it, he shares why he embarked on his campaign journey and what he envisions for his little girls and all children.

I so <3 heart <3 Barack.  I so hope he does not disappoint and that he exceeds all expectations.

Godspeed, President-Elect Obama.

Dodging bullets like Neo...and prevailing

Remember the movie The Matrix?  

Well, I felt like Keanu Reaves's character "Neo" this week, dodging bullets in slow motion while the world around me kept moving at normal speed.

If I'm being vague, it's intentional.   You can probably guess why.

It's the economy, stupid, as Slick Willy used to say.

But, I'm hanging in there, like everyone else in the world right now.

Because we have to.