A Working Mom's Playground

Back after a LOOOOONG hiatus

2010-04-22T21:51:00.001-07:00

It's been - oh like - 8 months since I've written here.

But I've been having that antsy feeling again.

You know - that feeling of really needing to blow off steam and vent and share and pontificate and just BE.

And not in the "let's put this in my Facebook status" kind of way.

So, I am back and will re-dedicate myself to writing in this blog.

Why?

For the same reasons I started.
To chronicle my kids' goings-on and funny stories - who were 3 when I started. And who are now 5 and going on Kindergarten in the fall. And who are growing up so damn fast.

And also, to provide an outlet to share thoughts around what-evs.
Politics.
Social etiquette.
Keeping up a social life in suburbia - a social life that now consists of kids' birthday parties, soccer games, bunco and book club with the neighborhood ladies. and, the occasional GNO and weekends away in Vegas.
Parenting.
Being a wife.
Managing a career. Or a job.
Balancing on a tight rope.
Fashion do's and don'ts for the late 30's/40's set (which seems to be a popular topic these days with my fellow momma girlfriends here in suburbia).

And even if no one else reads this but me, who gives a sh&t?! It's for me and my kids. And maybe, for my friends and whomever will want to read and listen and participate.

'Cause I have a lot to say, dammit. ;-)

Life lessons from Mr. President

2009-09-08T23:03:00.000-07:00

The kids watched President Obama's speech today in class with their teacher. This, after the inane hubbub about whether the President was overstepping his bounds by orating to our children about the importance of responsibility in education. (PSHAW! Shame on him!) And yes, I was floored when they sent out permission slips to the parents to opt-out of having your kids not watch the speech and instead, do some alternate activity during the 20 minute duration of the speech.

When I asked Hannah and Luke about President Obama's speech this morning (what they thought of it and what they learned) they both proudly exclaimed, "We learned about how important it us for us to take responsibility for our education. Not exaggerating the quote. From my 4 3/4 year olds.

OK, how can you NOT LOVE that 4 year olds were able to take away that message from Obama today? There's certainly nothing partisan about some classic messages:

Stay in school.

Work hard.

Dream big.

Achieve your goals.

And, OWN it. Your education, your future.

Love it. Love it.

I will play this speech for them every year before they start school in the fall. I swear.

my, how fast they grow

2009-08-20T22:40:00.000-07:00

today was the first day of school for hannah and luke. yep - the school district elementary school. the whole dang reason we moved here to this wonderful neighborhood. they enrolled in a 2-year kindergarten program offered by the district called PEPP. The PEPP program is for younger kindergartners...and our kids couldn't be any younger for kinder - they were born on the california state cut-off date -- december 2nd.

and of course, like many moms, i cried. not in front of them. but as i walked back to the car. on my ride into work. and throughout the day. i teared in spurts. and this isn't even kinder-kinder yet. just the first year of kinder.

maybe i'm nostalgic because we know we're not planning on having any more children and that these events and memories won't be relived again with another child. we're doing it all at once with both of our twins as they move through the milestones - kind of like a big bucket of water poured on you vs. a steady shower.

and this is just one of many more milestones to come.

my babies are growing up.

A working mom's best friend after a loooong week

2009-06-26T23:57:00.000-07:00

BS & T

Bombay Sapphire Gin and Tonic.

Thank God for my darling bartender.

it's only the beginning

2009-06-17T10:14:00.000-07:00

The other day I was lecturing Luke on some random thing that I can't even remember what it was.

Well, I was shocked and surprised when he retaliated and expressed his anger saying something that I was totally not expecting to hear.

He called me an idiot.

Yes, an idiot.

Of course, my jaw dropped.

He obviously heard that from someone in preschool, and NOT in our house. Because the house rule is that (especially for Dave and I) we NEVER say such words to each other (or in general) in the house...words like "stupid"..."dumb"..."idiot"...

But of course, here's Luke dropping "idiot" like it's the word "mommy" or "water".

Oy.

Needless to say, I lectured him (nicely, of course) about the word idiot and told him that it hurt my feelings to hear him say that to me.

And he knew that it was not a nice thing to say as soon as the word left his mouth and he saw my reaction.

I later told Dave what he called me and he laughed.

Indeed, we can't shelter them from these things. And I know it will only get worse as they start school and get surrounded by kids whose parents utter these words in front of them and have habits that would make me faint.

But, I need to just trust in our parenting. And trust that I - we - are raising them in a way that they will have good judgment to do and say what's right and good when confronted by not-so-pleasant things, words, whatevah...

Ayayayayayayay.

SoCal moment #154

2009-06-16T00:15:00.000-07:00

I ran into a friend (mostly casual acquaintance) who I hadn't seen in a while the other day.

And as I reached out to give her a greeting and a hug, she pulled away (not in a hostile way) pointed to her boobs and said, "Careful. I just had these done."

I couldn't figure out if she really was tender and sensitive in her boob area, or if she was merely calling attention to her 2 new BFFs.

Probably a little of both.

(I don't know why, but I am just so amused by that story. I really shouldn't be because this is so damn typical behavior of the - ahem, ahem - age/income demographic where I live - the aspiring MILF, almost-bordering-on-cougar, Wisteria Lane-types who live in my bubble of Southern California suburbia...but then again, I only live in THE ultimate cosmetic and collagen-n-botox-injection-happy capital of the world...yes, counting LA of course.)

Facebook usernames...wha?

2009-06-14T23:42:00.000-07:00

I don't get all of the kerfuffle about the Facebook username feature launch the other day.

Don't get me wrong, I got one approximately an hour after they made the username functionality available on 6/12/09...just to avoid someone "name squatting" me.

But, I still don't get it.

Is this so I can send a URL to friends and family that's easy to remember? But, can't they just find me on FB by searching through their friends?

And if friends and family are not already on FB connected to me, I don't want anyone else, anywhere else on the web finding me and seeing what I have to say. Uh...huh?

Thankfully my FB profile is still all behind registration, and still retains my desired privacy settings. (I know, I am a FB dork)

Point, please?

Ooooohhhhhhmmmmmmmmm

2009-06-12T22:45:00.001-07:00

Back in January when I was setting my goals for the year, I wrote this post where one of my goals was to earnestly get back in shape after 4 years of making excuses (my main excuse being the fact that I carried almost 12 pounds of baby matter & birthed our twinsies - DUH).

Little did I know that my "experiment" to find something other than running (due to my tweaked hip from running/training for 2 halfs poorly, I might add, last year) would turn into a new, surprisingly wonderful, potentially life-changing new passion...yoga.

And not just any yoga.

Hot yoga.

Sweltering hot, sticky, dripping, so-sweaty-I'm-uncomfortable-because-I'm-paranoid-I'm starting-to-stink-and-sweat-like-a-pig yoga.

And it's the sauna-like heat and movement that makes you sweat like you would not believe, coming from places on your body you didn't know were even capable of breaking sweat (my ears, my forearms are good examples).

Add to this that everyone around you is breaking a mad sweat too.

This yoga is not totally of the bikram variety.

It is the hot, vinyasa flow, ashtanga-type yoga with constant active postures. One might call it the more athletic type of yoga vs. traditional hatha (restorative) yoga.

And now, I'm totally, completely hooked. In fact, it's become so much a part of my life and routine that I don't quite think I can go without it without seriously getting cranky.

It has not only kept me in shape and has not only restored me to my pre-baby, pre-wedding body in 5 months (size 26 jeans - WOOT!), but has kept me from going insane. I also think yoga has even made me a more pleasant person to be around - for my family, friends and work colleagues alike.

Effin' amazing. There really is something to this yoga and mediation stuff. I'm a believer and am a yogini for life, I just know it.

And, as an added benefit, my kids have become so aware of my yoga obsession that they are starting to get into it, too.

Hopefully this is how good habits get started.

Hannah and her version of Tree pose.

Namaste (holding my palms together to my third eye center, bowing my head to the ground).

Still staving off the temptation

2009-06-10T12:52:00.000-07:00

It's been about a year since I've started blogging about my life, our life. And so, I recently took a quick down memory lane and looked at what I was consumed with (and blogging about) this time last June '08.

And, funny enough (and not surprisingly), it seems to be the same stuff that consumes me this year:

Kids.

Husband.

Career.

Balancing priorities.

My girlfriends and ME-time

And of course, my latest fashion and product obsessions.

As for the last topic, I chuckled to myself when I read this post from last year about my-then (and continuing) fetish with handbags, especially designer ones.

When I read my list of consumables from that post, I've checked off nearly all the ones off the top of the list except that I still have not given into the temptation of the Pelham (which by the way, is now $1395 vs. the $1330 from 2008 prices).

The same main reason for not giving in apply this year: GUILT.

I simply cannot bring myself to spend the money on something that costs as much as 2/3 of a month's worth of preschool tuition (even though preschool is DONE for us in another week - YAH!) for something that only I can enjoy and get satisfaction from. My kids won't care that this thing is hanging off of my shoulder like I would. For all they know, it's just another sack where they can throw their water bottles and snacks when we're out and about around town. But, it just doesn't seem fair that only I would enjoy it, especially for that price tag.

Never mind that my husband didn't think twice when he dropped more than double the Pelham's price tag for that new triathlon bicycle. ugggggh.

But then again (as some friends tell me), maybe....maybe it's ok and sometimes I need to just give in. Because sometimes, we moms, we just gotta treat ourselves - no matter how impractical.

I think about the purse now and again as I pass Fashion Valley mall and consider perusing the Gucci store, but I KNOW that I will give in if I set foot in that place.

For now, I will continue to stave off the temptation and spend our dollars on other worthwhile, family-enriching things like Disney passes, Spanish and foreign language classes for the kids, or a short vacation weekend away...whatever else other stuff we can enjoy together.

And I'm sure that this time next year, I'll be writing another post about the damn purse and complaining how I continue to take one for the team.

Why I Read to Myself

2009-06-04T23:23:00.000-07:00

Having inquisitive and curious 4 year olds often forces me to think about behaviors and natural tendencies I have that I take for granted every day. That's just what I do, and of course, I don't think twice about it...until I get interrogated. And it seems like every day lately, I get a new question from one of my little guys on why I do something or say something the way I do.

The Scene:

H is lying with me in bed, while she "reads" her Dr. Suess book and I am reading my book club book. (Mind you, I just recently started reading for-fun novels again after a long hiatus. For a long time my mind and attention span could not take more than the occasional Economist, Time, InStyle, US Magazine and NYTimes Sunday edition. Who has time?!)

H: Mommy...

Me: Umm-hmmm, sweetie (engrossed in my book).

H: Why are you so quiet?

Me: I'm reading, honey.

H: I KNOW, Mommy.

Me: Ummm-hmmmm.

H: But why aren't you reading out loud?

Me: (finally understanding where she's going with this) Oh, you're wondering why I'm not reading out loud like I do with you guys?

H: Yes, Mommy.

Me: Well, most of the time I read quietly to myself so that I don't bother other people if they don't like the story I'm reading. Also, it makes me read faster when I read quietly, so I can get through big books like this one (as I flip through the pages of my 300-page novel). That's what a lot of grown-ups do, unless they are your teacher.

H: Oh.

Me: And when you learn how to read, you will likely read out loud for a while but over time, you will learn to read quietly to yourself.

H: I don't think I'll ever want to read quietly. But, I will want to read fast. But why does your book not have pictures like mine?

Me: Well, there are a lot of books with just words. Not having pictures allows me to use my imagination so I can see pictures in my head as I'm reading the story, which is a lot more fun.

(pause)

H: Oh, ok. That does sound like it would be more fun. But, I guess I need to learn how to read first before I can read quietly and read fast. And then I can make up pictures in my head like you do, right mommy?

Speaking of the (im)mortal...

2009-06-02T19:00:00.000-07:00

...My kids are now somewhat obsessed with vampires. And specifically, they are obsessed with him.

Yes, Edward.

Edward Cullen.

The Edward Cullen.

So, how did this happen?

Well, sometimes, instead of reading books to them at night, my husband and I make up stories. They saw me reading New Moon one night (which is the 2nd in the Twilight series of vampire novels) and asked me what it was about. And I proceeded to tell them that the story is about vampires and werewolves. And just like that...they thought I was the coolest mom for reading such a cool book about such cool mythical creatures.

Then they asked me to tell them a story about it, and so I did. And thus, I began with the story of how Bella met Edward the vampire.

And now, just like the millions of tweens, teens and other adults out there who can't get enough of Bella and the Cullen family, they are hooked. Especially on Edward. They think he's just the best thing ever because he's a good vampire who doesn't eat people but has super-powers.

Wow, they learn fast about pop culture phenoms, don't they?

Explaining mortality to a 4 1/2 year old

2009-06-01T22:31:00.001-07:00

Yesterday, we took the kids to the "Touch a Truck" event to benefit pediatric cancer research. My friend and colleague, Andy Mikulak, formed the non-profit Max's Ring of Fire (which hosted the event) after the passing of his beautiful 7 year old boy Max to neuroblastoma (an aggressive childhood cancer) last August. We were there to not only offer our support but also enjoy a family-friendly outing that we knew the kids would enjoy.

We had attended Max's "celebration of life" last fall after his passing, so the kids still remember Max and continue to talk about him as if they actually knew him -- when in reality, they have never crossed paths.

But to my kids, Max continues to be their hero because of his strength and courage in his 4 year fight against the horrible cancer. And when they talk about heaven, they mention Max.

Every so often they ask about his cancer and are perplexed as to why he was so young when he died. My grandmother passed this past February and they "got" that she was old and lived a long life, but they still sometimes don't understand what happened to Max.

L: Mommy, why did Max die?

Me: Because he was very, very sick.

L: What made him sick?

Me: He had a disease, which is a sickness, and it's called cancer.

L: Was it because he didn't wear socks or have his shots at the doctor?

Me: No, honey...sometimes it just happens. But, wearing socks and getting your shots at the doctor can help you stay healthy.

L: But, why?

Me: I can't explain it honey. But, this is why it's always good to be as healthy as possible in the things you can control...like eating your veggies, exercising and other stuff.

L: So even if you do all that stuff, you still may die?

Me: Yes, honey...but this is why it's good to treat your body in the best way possible and that includes what you eat and making sure you get physical activity. So, this means that you shouldn't let Grandma and Grandpa take you to Big M (McDonalds) too much because the food isn't very healthy.

L: Oh, OK.

Me: So, does this means you will try your veggies?

L: (long pause) Um....No.

________

Despite the conversation that this event sparked between my son and I on mortality, I still think of Max often and am in awe of his courage and his vivacious spirit. I often use him as an example of the brave warrior in all of us who is now smiling upon us as an angel in heaven.

Just do it

2009-05-22T03:15:00.000-07:00

Below is the passage from one of my favorite Nike print ads, from the early 90's. I was in college at the time this ad campaign came out.

I don't know why this print ad inspired me so much at the time but after reading this again this week I realize that I still love it.

The message is quite simple and timeless:
Life happens but ultimately we all control our own destiny.
And often it amounts to the lens and attitude with which we choose to see the world that ultimately impacts how and if we move forward.

I sooo needed to read this again, especially this week.

You were born a daughter.
You looked up to your mother.
You looked up to your father.
You looked up at everyone.
You wanted to be a princess.
You thought you were a princess.
You wanted to own a horse.
You wanted to be a horse.
You wanted your brother to be a horse.
You wanted to wear pink.
You never wanted to wear pink.
You wanted to be a Veterinarian.
You wanted to be President.
You wanted to be the President's Veterinarian.
You were picked last for the team.
You were the best one on the team.
You refused to be on the team.
You wanted to be good in algebra.
You hid during algebra.
You wanted the boys to notice you.
You were afraid the boys would notice you.
You started to get acne.
You started to get breasts.
You started to get acne that was bigger than your breasts.
You wouldn't wear a bra.
You couldn't wait to wear a bra.
You couldn't fit into a bra.
You didn't like the way you looked.
You didn't like the way your parents looked.
You didn't want to grow up.
You had your first best friend.
You had your first date.
You had your second best friend.
You had your second first date.
You spent hours on the telephone.
You got kissed.
You got to kiss back.
You went to the prom.
You didn't go to the prom.
You went to the prom with the wrong person.
You spent hours on the telephone.
You fell in love.
You fell in love.
You fell in love.
You lost your best friend.
You lost your other best friend.
You really fell in love.
You became a steady girlfriend.
You became a significant other.

YOU BECAME SIGNIFICANT TO YOURSELF.

Sooner or later, you start taking yourself seriously. You know when you need a break. You know when you need a rest. You know what to get worked up about and what to get rid of. And you know when it's time to take care of yourself, for yourself. To do something that makes you stronger, faster, more complete. Because you know it's never too late to have a life. And never too late to change one.

JUST DO IT.

Catharsis

2009-05-19T23:27:00.000-07:00

dearest kids,

(breathe. breathe. breathe. deep. breaths. ooohhhhm.)

i am showing restraint right now by writing in my blog instead of marching into your bedroom like a drill sergeant and ordering you to go to bed.

it's 10:30p.m. and you are still up laughing and giggling and fighting and playing in the corners of your dimly lit room.

do you know that i have to wake you up at 6:30 a.m. tomorrow morning so i can make it in time to get myself together, get you together, feed you breakfast, eat my breakfast, lather you up with sunscreen, make your lunch, make my lunch, take you to preschool...all so i can make my 8:30 a.m. meeting at work??? (all this without any make-up and with my hair barely combed)

i know there are things i can do differently so it's not a battle every night when we put you down for bed and so that i am less tired when i wake up every morning.

like separate you.
or take the toys out of your room permanently.
or take down the nightlight and have it be completely dark.
or not keep you up with me to watch Idol, or Survivor or some other silly reality show.
or not stay up after i've put you down to surf the internets & facebook, or do work.

but i haven't acted on those ideas.

you know why?

because i inherently have faith that you will be able to deal and work through it. because you're 4 now.
and because i have an aspiration that instead of changing my habits, you may even adapt (even though i know it's unfair to expect from you).

or maybe sometimes i just don't want to deal which is why i am sitting here typing and venting instead of intervening and telling you for the 7th time to go to bed...because i'm so dang tired.

and that if i do go in there and intervene, i may have a mommy-dearest moment and say something i don't want to say or say something in a tone that i will regret later. and that you will be angry with me and resent me.

or maybe i'm just hoping that at some point ignoring your late-night-you-really-should-be-sleeping-banter is OK and that in a few minutes i'll have peace and quiet as you slowly fall into slumber.

......

which is what i now have, 25 minutes into typing this post.

whew.

ok, that felt good.

good night.

(Almost) officially in my late 30's

2009-05-16T13:01:00.000-07:00

Today is my last day of being 36.

You know, when you can still consider yourself in the mid-30-something cohort.

Tomorrow, May 17, I turn 37. I think that officially qualifies me as being a part of the late-30's set.

I am exactly how old my mom was when I first told my mom, "gosh, you're old, momma."

But I don't feel old. I feel exactly the way I did when I was 27, but wiser and more strong than I've ever been - strong in mind, spirit and physicality. Which is all a 37-year-old can ask for.

So, as with every birthday, I take inventory of what's happened over the last year...well, the last 10 years. And I realize how far I've come since I was 27. And it makes me smile.

First of all, "I" is now a WE x4 - me + a husband and two 4 1/2 year old lovely children. Twins, no less. A boy and a girl. I feel so blessed.

I don't live in a shoebox studio in San Fran anymore, living the life of a traveling consultant who never knew what city I would be in a month out. I...we actually own a home and are about as settled as we will ever be.

And my career. Who would have ever thought I would be doing what I'm doing and continuing to move this part of my life forward, but I am and I can't complain.

So, with that, I celebrate the fullness of my life and how far I have come on my 37th birthday-- however small, careful, and few the baby-steps I've taken to get here.

And.

I know.

I deserve.

THIS.

I'm ba-ack.

2009-05-15T16:35:00.000-07:00

Someone on FB reminded me the other day that I needed to update my blog (yes, that's you, M). And so I am.

I have to remember that I should not feel pressure to update this thing. And that this is here for my enjoyment, my venting outlet, and that updating this should be a fun thing.

It had been so long since I have updated this blog that I started feeling guilty for not updating it. And instead of addressing the guilt by taking action and blogging (even for just a short post), I kept prolonging it and then felt more and more guilty. Because of my guilt, I kept prolonging it and got into this virtuous cycle. (ever get into those cycles or is it just crazy me?!)

Well, I'm back. And I'm blogging. Even if it's about nothing. Or something short and quick. Or a silly, mundane thing that happened to me or the kids or US that I want to remember.

Because that's why I started this thing to begin with - to remember this crazy, busy, insane time in our lives when the kids are still this big, and life is THIS busy. Everyone I know with bigger or grown-up kids tells me that this time - this very special time - just zips by in a flash...and that someday, I'll want to remember and look back on these treasured days when the kids actually still want to hang out with me (instead of their friends) and when they are still so small that I can carry them without throwing out my back.

So here I am.

'xplainin the absence

2009-02-20T22:02:00.000-08:00

busy, busy at work... management presentations galore.

family funeral last week in which i wrote the eulogy (more to come on this when i am repaired from this experience).

husband traveled this week, leaving me with kids all week long - along with a full plate at work. was pulling hair out. four. days. straight.

i'll be back, just can't function enough to write a coherent blog post.

am only capable of phrases and short snippets, a la Facebook statuses.

am depleted of energy but the old me shall return soon, thanks to my new found solace in yoga.

ooohhhhhmmmmm.

Mammed up and A-OK

2009-01-31T12:55:00.000-08:00

Let me just start this post by saying that I have some strong hypochondriac tendencies.

When I get a bad migraine or start forgetting things, I think I have a brain tumor.

When I start to get the dullest of pain in my joints, I think I'm getting arthritis or think that I need to see an orthopedist because I might need surgery for seemingly permanent damage.

When I get a little soreness or lumpy in my boobs, I think it's breast cancer.

Well, I nearly scared myself last month and was so convinced that something was wrong with my breasts last month. Google and a semi-hypochondriac like myself are a scary combination. So, for my annual "Well Woman" visit earlier this month, I demanded that I get a mammogram.

Never mind that I am not yet 40.

Never mind that I don't have any real lumps that I could feel.

Never mind that there is no history of breast cancer in my family.

Something just felt a little off. I just wanted it for my piece of mind.

Not to mention, I am slowly inching towards the 40's and a few people (including friends or relatives of friends) I know have been diagnosed...Maybe it's just my age group, but I am slowly starting to become aware of the fact that it could happen.

So, while I was with the doctor for my "Well Woman" appointment, she told me that it was not likely going to be covered by insurance since I am not yet 40. And then she proceeded to examine me. Then she proceeded to tell me that she felt some density on my left breast.

Hmmm. Interesting.

Not what I expected since I had been diligent about doing my own exams and had never before felt anything strange.

"Well, since I am feeling some density and because you seem to really want to get the mammogram, I will go ahead an order one."

Uh, OK.

Of course, with our fabulous (being facetious) health care system here in the States, I had to wait another 3 weeks before getting an appointment with radiology.

And this past Thursday, I finally had my appointment in the Breast Cancer Center radiology department of the hospital which mind you, is a large university teaching hospital. Great. The Breast Cancer Center radiology, as opposed to just any radiology department. Not great for a hypo like me to enter a place like this. I was kind of freaking out, but my 40+ female friends said not to worry...They basically ran me through the drill:

Don't wear any deodorant.

Don't put lotion or perfume on your chest.

Wear pants and a top, not a one-piece dress.

Be prepared for some discomfort when they pancake your breasts top-to-bottom and left-to-right.

And even if they find something, chances are great that it could still be benign.

Etc.

So I went in, changed into my exam garb and sat in the waiting room. I was probably the youngest woman there (which made sense). Then, I got called in and had my very first mammogram and ultrasound. And it wasn't so bad.

The worst of it was waiting for the radiologist's review and wondering if my life was going to change significantly.

And. The. News. Was.

Negative.

Phhhheewwww.

I'm sure this means that I will now worry about some other ailment that I don't have.

CRigg is writing a post about Facebook statuses and her semi-addiction to them.

2009-01-21T22:42:00.000-08:00

Facebook has become a semi-appendage that I can't seem to live without. And in particular, I'm addicted to my friends' statuses.

You know, that thing at the top of your Facebook profile page where you can express whatever the hell you want about what it is you're doing, feeling, thinking, hating on, loving, whatevah... anything goes.

And ever since the Facebook peeps enabled the commenting feature on friends' statuses, I can't help but participate and comment on every little thing that moves me (or not), whether it's a friend in need of potty training advice, or someone bitching about a football score (or team), or even the seemingly mundane statuses that are not unique and occur for many of us throughout the day:

Suzy Q is at work.

Me: Me and you both! Hang in there! :)

Johnny B is at home drinking wine.

Me: Have one for me!!! :)

Jane Doe has a cold.

Me: Feel better!!!!! :\

Lizzie thinks Tina Fey is the bomb.

Me: LOVE HER!! isn't she the greatest?!

You get the picture. And somehow, I seem to over-exclamate, over-punctuate, over-capitalize and over-use emoticons, more than I ever do in a real-life, non-Facebook situation. What is it about Facebook that drives this strange behavior in me?!

And, when I don't hear from the regular statusers for a period of time (yes, that's you, M!), I begin to worry that something is wrong or that my friend needs some lovin. So I reach out.

My husband laughs at me and calls me an addict. He tells me I should be spending more of my Facebook time with the family instead of trolling peoples' statuses or friend lists. And I know he's right. I find myself logging in when I have a free moment just to see what my friends are up to through their Facebook status, and so that I can comment. And I love to comment.

But ultimately, what is it about Facebook statuses I find so intriguing??

The short answer: it's because I'm reconnected with old friends from all parts of my life and can now, through the magic and technology of Facebook, have a window into their lives...filling a vast data vacuum on so many of these folks that I have not been able to fill until now.

And I just can't get enough.

1.20.09 - A Beautiful Day

2009-01-20T20:36:00.000-08:00

You know that song from U2, "Beautiful Day"?

Well, that's what today was...for me, our kids, the citizens of our great country and for a many, many people around the world.

That song was the backdrop for a ginormous day in our country's history, where many breathed a collective sigh of relief while feeling the giddy anticipation and excitement of a child on Christmas morning. Like a child, we've been waiting a long time, hoping for a new gift that gave us a sense of renewal, even if we were to enjoy the newness of it for even a fleeting moment...knowing that the harsh reality of much work to be done will set in tomorrow.

However, for today, let's enjoy the moment. Today was historic and magical.

Truly a "where were you when..." moment.

Where were you when Barack Obama was sworn in as President?

Here was my reality...yes, work.

I said this the other day when I posted and I'll say it again:

Godspeed, President Obama. May we exceed our own expectations.

I pledge to do my part to help you - us - succeed.

You inspire me and our country to do great things, and I (and my kids, although they don't realize it yet) can't thank you enough for it. It truly is a gift.

(Yes, I sent them to preschool this way. i know, i am shamelessly leveraging my kids to get across my beliefs. It's my 1st amendment right after all.

God bless America.)

Whatta man, whatta man, whatta man, whatta mighty good man

2009-01-15T22:37:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I've posted about Barack Obama so I thought I would do it again for good measure, especially in anticipation (and celebration!) of his upcoming inauguration to be our 44th President (yah!!!!!) on January 20th.

Truly a big moment for our country. We have come such a long way.

A friend posted this article on Facebook today of an open letter from Barack to his daughters, Malia and Sasha. In it, he shares why he embarked on his campaign journey and what he envisions for his little girls and all children.

I so <3 heart <3 Barack. I so hope he does not disappoint and that he exceeds all expectations.

Godspeed, President-Elect Obama.

Dodging bullets like Neo...and prevailing

2009-01-15T22:22:00.000-08:00

Remember the movie The Matrix?

Well, I felt like Keanu Reaves's character "Neo" this week, dodging bullets in slow motion while the world around me kept moving at normal speed.

If I'm being vague, it's intentional. You can probably guess why.

It's the economy, stupid, as Slick Willy used to say.

But, I'm hanging in there, like everyone else in the world right now.

Because we have to.

Is this my 4-year old or my mom lecturing me?!

2009-01-12T21:43:00.000-08:00

This, yesterday evening:

Me: Sweeties, can you please clean up your room before you go to bed? (looking around at the plentiful Star Wars action figures, the TinkerToys, the Matchbox cars, and other plastic creatures that cluttered the rug of their room)

H: Relaaaaax, Mommy.

Me: Huh?? (Surprised, as I had never been told before to "Relax" from either of the kids)

H: Mommy, we're just kids - you've got to let us be kids. Kids are supposed to have messy rooms because we like to play.

My Goals - 2009

2009-01-07T22:38:00.000-08:00

OK, I am inspired to put my 2009 goals out there like my real-world twin mom friend and blog buddy, Sarah, at See Sarah Spin.

Here goes...

Goal #1: I will lose that twin pregnancy baggage from 4 years ago, if not through surgical help then definitely through natural means - eating better, working out, etc.

How I know I'm successful: I will fit comfortably back into my size 4 clothes and my 26" waist jeans, preferably with no muffin top.

Goal #2: I will work out at least 4 times a week and will vary up my routine besides only running. This includes strength/core training and toning.

How I know I'm successful: See Goal #1 success criteria + I will have more energy. Also, doing other exercise besides running...yoga, pilates, walking, hiking, swimming.

Goal #3: I will floss at least more than I have in the past, take better care of my skin and in general, take care of my body - it's my body and I'm stuck with it. So I better give it some TLC.

How I know I'm successful: Younger, more youthful skin, good dental visits and strangers calling me "young lady" or acting surprised (even if they are just humoring me) when I tell them my real age.

Goal #4: I will spend more quality time and create more genuine encounter moments with my children and my husband.

How I know I'm successful: Happy kids, happy husband who don't complain that I'm not present. Mutually satisfying relationships.

Goal #5: I will continue my path of community involvement/volunteering and take on a leadership role that also furthers my objective of advancing a skillset that can help me in other facets of my life like work, home, etc.

How I know I'm successful: A developed network of contacts from my community involvement and volunteer work. My community involvement actually shows tangible, positive outcomes.

Goal #6: I will reduce my carbon footprint.

How I know I'm successful: Hmmm. That's a tough one to measure success. I guess it's knowing that I am recycling more, driving less, etc.

Goal #7: I will eat more organically grown and produced foods. And so will my family. No processed crap or crap with preservatives. This includes expanding the fruits and vegetables we grow in our garden as well as buying from local farmers and harvesters.

How I know I'm successful: I guess knowing that we're doing this is enough!

And finally, Goal #8: I will be more patient.

How I know I'm successful: Putting on my "Pause" button before I start to talk/yell/scream. Being able to control my agitation if I want to say something or do something.

That's all.

Writing Exercise for the Soul

2009-01-02T09:53:00.000-08:00

I found this writing exercise from a blog friend, Aaryn Belfer, who I also happen to have met through mutual friends in real life before I re-met her in the blogosphere. (Go figure...Small world, indeed). Anyway, she has a blog I stalk on occasion. She is also a brilliant photographer and staff writer for CityBeat here in San Diego.

Anyway, I really loved what this writing exercise illuminated about her, even though I barely know her. I decided to do this for myself and post it here. I know am putting myself out there by doing this, but it also feels strangely liberating. And it makes me feel so damn self-aware.

If you read this and decide to do this as well, please let me know. I would love, love, love to check it out.

__________________________________________

I live my life with purpose, but all too often with an eye toward the future instead of the present. And I am all too aware of it.

I work to satisfy a need I have to do something more than be a wife, a mom, a...whatever. And even though it takes away from precious family time on occasion, I need to be unapologetic about it.

I talk out loud to myself when I need to build up my confidence about something I need to say. Sometimes I think I'm crazy.

I wish that I didn't worry as much as I do as it's causing me not to live more in the moment.

I enjoy spending Saturday mornings listening to my children play and interact with one another upstairs while my husband and I enjoy a coffee and reflect on our great life together, all the while our favorite iPod playlist is playing our life soundtrack in the background.

I look at my midsection every day and vow to get a tummy tuck...one of these days.

I smell my children's scent and deeply breathe in their aura every time I hug them. Pure bliss.

I hide my insecurities from very few, but for the most part, I am an open book.

I pray when I run. More like reflect. Running provides a state of spirituality for me that I cannot find in any organized religious forum.

I walk only when I can't run. Walking feels wimpy to me.

I sing at the top of my lungs in the car when I'm by myself. Especially during American Idol season when I realize that anyone can be a rock star if they really wanted to set their mind to it.

I can do-it-all-dammit. Or at least I try. Just watch me, and maybe I'll even try harder.

I watch my husband interact with our children and am in awe of him and how patient and loving he is with them. I really lucked out when I married him.

I yearn to travel the world, live overseas and be an ex-pat, but realize that our life here could severely limit the prospect of doing so. Which leads me to...

I daydream about being a contestant on the Amazing Race with my husband and seeing how it would potentially hurt or strengthen our marriage. After all, it is our mutual love of travel and wanderlust that initially brought us together. I also daydream (can I do another one??) of winning the lottery and what I would do with the money. I wonder how it would change our lives, positively and negatively.

I want (secretly) sometimes to keep up with the Joneses but then I catch myself doing it and then blow it off as a silly thought.

I cry at the drop of a hat, at the smallest things, and things that don't really warrant tears. Commercials, cheesy movies, even NCAA championships and Superbowl games. Vaccination shots, kids' holiday pageants, you name it.

I read too little (in this post-babies era) and when I do I am embarrassed to tell people what I read because they consist of non-intelligent things. Like Us magazine. Or Lucky. Or Perez Hilton.com. Hey, I think political websites count as intelligent right?

I love my life but often wonder what other untapped potential there is waiting for me.

I wonder what is going on in my children's heads when I am conversing with them.

I touch my children's face and am in awe that there is still a whole lifetime of highs and lows that they have yet to experience. And...

I hurt knowing that my children will at some point feel pain, sadness, guilt, inadequacy but that with the right coping skills that we can help instill in them, they will be OK.

I fear dying and being abandoned, but I take solace in the fact that I attempt to live each day with purpose.

I hope that the new president-elect does not disappoint. The world's hopes lie in his ability to lead, especially after 8 years of virtually no leadership.

I eat out less often than I used to when I was single. And when I do, it usually involves somewhere loud and a coloring book menu and crayons.

I break promises to my children sometimes when I bribe them. When I see the look of disappointment in their faces, it breaks my heart and I think I'm a terrible mother.

I quit my unhealthy social smoking habit years ago, but I still sometimes crave a cigarette. Especially after a few glasses of wine. Because it makes me feel like a bad-ass.

I bathe with my children in the shower and have come to really enjoy the typically mundane bath-time routine through their eyes. Who knew that cups and bath paints could entertain so much?

I drink too much caffeine and alcohol and too little water.

I save like I am an immigrant who is hording cash to send back to the family in the motherland. Perhaps because that is what my parents did when I was growing up?

I hug my children's little bodies and savor their petite size now, knowing that hugs will come fewer and far between in several years.

I miss the giddiness I used to feel when I first met my husband and yearn for that giddiness on those many days in recent years when I feel as if we are two ships passing in the night. And I wonder if all marriages follow this pattern and realize I am not alone.

I forgive my father, who has hurt me too many times during the most important events of my life. I now realize that he has always been an attention-seeker and this was his way of satisfying this need.

I've learned that marriage is an unnatural act. Putting two people together for the rest of their lives just goes against basic human instincts. This is why marriage takes work. And if you have found the right person it makes all the work worth it.

I have wonderful girlfriends who keep me grounded and in check, when my husband can't.

I don't have to do anything I don't want, but sometimes I do out of a sense of responsibility and obligation, because that's how I was raised.

I kiss my kids every night and stare at them as they sleep. I love that peace I feel when I look at my slumbering children (as opposed to when they are awake and jumping on me).

I wonder if I've learned anything new about myself going through this exercise...

2008 in review (Or, what has inspired me this year)

2008-12-29T23:09:00.000-08:00

These little guys (in 2005)...

...Who are now this big.

And him, my life partner, who is my source of balance and strength every day.

Quality time together as a family...whether on vacation or around the holiday table or simple, everyday things, like hanging out in our pajamas at home (or in this case, at a campground).

This awe-inspiring victory, and what it has meant for me, our children and the potential we can reach together...reminding me just how far we have come.

The wonderful company of female friends who are trying-to-balance-it-all-dammit. And who can also relate to this stressful, crazy, but blissful time in our lives parenting little ones.

Believing in magic, and viewing the world with the hope and wonderment that my children see with every little thing that most adults take for granted.

The beauty of children in general, and what I learn from them each day...especially the lesson about being carefree and unapologetic about anything.

Bummed

2008-12-14T21:59:00.000-08:00

I have been lucky the last couple of years to not travel as much as I did early my career when I was living the life of a airline mileage-racking, hotel points-collecting, Admiral's Club-card-toting life of a jetsetter management consultant.

And as timing would have it, the couple of times I've traveled for work lately, either we were hard-pressed for extra hands to help with the kids or I was missing some event.

Well, this time I'm missing a big event - their annual Holiday Christmas pageant at preschool.

Yep, the one where they wear Santa or Rudolph or Snowmen costumes and sing holiday carols. Truly, video-recording-worthy moments. This time, instead of just recording the pageant for posterity, it will also be so I can witness it second-hand since I will have to go deliver a biggie presentation to some biggie partner in-person, 2000 miles away from home on this day of all days.

And.

I'm bummed.

SO bummed.

But, I also recognize that it's necessary for me to carry out my responsibility for work and be there.

Because I'm required.

So, while the other moms and dads will be there to listen and video-record and cheer on their kids as they belt out their holiday hymns, I will be sitting in a presentation in unnamed corporate giant's campus thinking about my kids as hey sing "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer."

Such is the reality of a working mom living the corporate life. And I can't help but feel such guilt because I'm sure I'll be the only mom in both of their classes who won't be there because she's traveling and working.

(sigh. thank goodness for daddy and for the grandparents.)

Letter to my Lu-Lu

2008-12-09T23:05:00.000-08:00

My Dearest Lu-Lu,

You are my youngest child by one minute and you are now as old as the number of years I spent in college. My, how time flies.

All too often, your daddy and I have referred to you and your twin sister as a unit. After all, you were conceived together, you lived in my belly and subsisted on my nutrients together, you were born together and have cribbed together. And now, 4 years later, not only do you school together but you are each other's 24/7 playmates. So unique is your relationship with your twin sister that I hope you cherish what you have...it is a bond unlike any other.

Despite all of this, please know that we've always recognized you and your sister as two very unique, lovely individuals who bring such different aspects of delight to our lives.

And, like my letter to your sister, I wanted to write you a letter so that you know who you are but also, and most importantly, so you understand what and how much you mean to me during this crazy, hectic, beautiful time in our lives.

If Hannah is the cat, you definitely personify the loyal puppy dog: you are warm, loyal, welcoming, perennially energetic, charming. I love it when you run to me after a long day at work and knock me down with your enthusiastic, vigorous, signature Luke-hugs. You have one of the most warm, loving hearts I have ever seen.

There are many sides to you, Luke but at it's core, you are an open book. On one hand you are analytical, methodical in your approach to solving problems, organized. On the other hand, you are a free-spirit and love to go where the wind blows. You love to be the center of attention; you are often the life of the party. You invite people to participate in your world by constantly engaging others around you, including your not-so-gregarious sister. You love to sing at the top of your lungs. You love to dance. You jump up and down when you get excited and scream, "Hurray!" You are like the Energizer bunny and keep going and going and going... constantly in motion. You are not easily embarrassed and are completely unapologetic of who you are and what you are doing. I so admire this quality in you and am in awe of you every day.

You wear your heart on your sleeve, always - whether you are ecstatic or sad, angry or surprised. You are a quick study. Your self-awareness and emotional IQ in relating to others constantly amazes me; I only hope you sustain this awareness as you get older...it's a good trait to have.

And perhaps because of your self-awareness, you are able to project this awareness in how you interact with others around you. You are a sensitive little boy - you are easily amused, but at the same time, you readily get angry or frustrated. And sometimes this anger and frustration is manifested in playing control games with your daddy and I. A favorite of yours is to "reset" and start over at the point the affliction was made. You don't easily let things go; you often want to go back and start over before you can move forward. And like Hannah, you picked up a trait (or two...or three) of mine that I am not proud of and that I am aware I need to change. I only hope you can cultivate those coping skills as you grow older.

As your mother, I am so aware of your capability to charm and break hearts in the not-so-distant future. In fact, you already have a following in our neighborhood. :) I am sensitive to raise you into responsible young man who is respectful of women and what we bring to the table. And the only way I can best do this is by role modeling behavior of a woman, a mother, a wife who leads a balanced life. I am hoping you pay careful attention to the woman who is raising you (and of course, your daddy too).

I love that you are not afraid to show me how you feel about me every day, whether it's jumping on my back and giving me a Luke-hug from behind, or slopping on one of your big wet kisses on my nose. I especially love when you look into my eyes and tell me "I love you, mommy" and tell me I am beautiful. What mom doesn't find her son saying such things music to her ears?

You are truly momma's little boy and are one of the biggest delights of my life.

If I were 4 years old again I would want to marry you.

Letter to my mini-me at 4 years old

2008-12-06T06:57:00.000-08:00

My Dearest Baby Hannah,

You are my firstborn by one minute and my, how I have watched you grow into lovely little person the last 4 years.

You will read this blog at some point when you can read and when you actually care to learn what kind of person your mom was like when she was parenting you as a young child.

And so, I want to make sure to capture this snapshot of you exactly as you are...so here goes.

There are two sides of the continuum of your personality that I have grown to appreciate and love: the "I'm-just-getting-to-know-you" Hannah all the way to the "I-now-feel-comfortable-with-you-so-I'll-now-open-up" Hannah.

First, let's start with the "getting to know you" part of you.

I have always described you to many who don't know you as having the personality of a cat: You are very independent, cautious, shy and don't like to draw attention to yourself. You like to sit on the sidelines and watch before you jump in, and you are careful to observe your surroundings and absorb every little detail, even the most amazing of minutia. While it may not look like you are engaging as you sit on the sidelines, you really are - more than any of us ever realize.

When meeting you for the first time, you are polite (mostly because you know I expect it of you) but you can also be a little ice queen. I can tell you are skeptical of a person or situation from this very defining and SO-signature Hannah action you would take: You would cock your head to the side to carefully observe the said new person as if to say "I really don't know about you. I need to check you out a bit before I determine that you're OK." You've been doing this since you were 7 months old and could sit up.

A case in point:

When you realize said new person has surpassed your bar and has earned your trust (toy gifts and chocolate usually help), then I see the ice wall slowly start to melt. From there, you form a connection that, once established, is a difficult bond to break. Once trust is cemented with you, you are incredibly loyal and loving.
You are one of the most articulate and most absorbant sponges I've ever met. Your careful and detailed observations from first having sat back and taken in the scenery vs. jumping right in come out in the funniest and most pleasantly surprising of ways. And my how amused I am to see how you the application of your observations to many situations -- appropriately so. Which leads me to believe that you have deep capacity for problem solving and analytical thinking...which is a good thing. And I'm not sure where you get it from but there is a certain goofiness and playfulness to your personality. You are a character and constantly make me, your daddy and Luke chuckle.
And when you decide to be serious and focused, oh boy. When you decide you are really in to something, there's no taking your eye off the ball - whether it's coloring, playing with your dolls and figurines or building something with your legos or finding your lost blankie and revered dalmatian Puppy or baby Monkey.

Then I see a little mini-me come out. Yes, even when you were 3 years old, I already started to see traits of me in you. And now at 4, they couldn't be more pronounced. And of course, I see in you some of my very best and some of my very worst traits. My best I see in you: you are persistent, focused, aggressive, detail-oriented. My worst: you become obsessive, you are sometimes indecisive, you divert accountability and begin making your problem others' problem. Hannah, you are a mini-me in so many ways and often provide a mirror into things about myself that I am now learning to not take so seriously, or to change.

You are definitely your mother's daughter, for better or for worse.

All of this said, you are undoubtedly one of the three brightest beacons in my life. And even at 4 years old, I see so much inner and outer beauty in you and what I know you will become. I only hope to be a role model for you to help you truly reach your God-given potential.

I have no doubt in my mind that you will succeed in whatever you decide to do. You wouldn't dream of anything else.

Happy birthday, my sweet padawans

2008-12-05T20:50:00.000-08:00

The things we do for our kids.

Like this.

Just because we can.

Yes, this is the fight scene from Star Wars, Episode 3 - Revenge of the Sith. This is the one where Anakin Skywalker turns progressively to the Dark Side and at the very end of the movie he is in a fight scene with Obi Wan Kenobi in the lava fields of Mustafar. This is right before he loses his limbs and burns himself...only to then become Darth Vader.

Queen Amidala, his heartbroken bride gives birth to young twins Luke and Leia - who are hidden and separated at birth so that they are spared from the evil forces of the Dark Side.

And from there begins the saga.

Happy 4th Birthday, my precious little ones.

And may the force be with you.

Blog guilt (Or, random musings and justification of how I spend my free time these days)

2008-11-24T19:38:00.000-08:00

Where did the month go?

The election happened; my candidate won.

Work continued to happen, and happen, and happen...with seemingly no end. (not that I am complaining...believe me, I'm just happy to have a job in these fragile economic times.)

The kids are getting closer to 4 years old with every passing day.

And now they are playing holiday music where ever I go.

Gyeeesh. I know Q4 would fly but this is so ridiculous.

And. I've been feeling guilty lately that I haven't been blogging. After all, this is supposed to be my love letter to my kids, and my chronicle of our lives at this crazy, insane time in our lives. But I haven't been blogging. And it's not that I don't have anything to blog about.

I have plenty.

It's just that life is so....

Busy.

Crazy.

Rushed.

That I don't have time to collect myself and my thoughts and write something semi-coherent and meaningful.

And when I do have that extra time these days, I choose to have a massage. Or do some retail therapy (or window shopping, in this economy). Or get my nails done. Or have a date with my husband. Or grab drinks with the girls. Since I barely have time for myself anymore - outside of parenting, working, wifing, etc. And the last thing I want to do with any down time is sit in front of a computer when I've been sitting in front of one all damn day for work.

I keep thinking that things will slow down.

And maybe I should accept that they won't and that such is life and such is the pace where I am - WE ARE - in our lives right now.

For now, I will post a few of my favorite, recent photos of the kids that we recently took for our annual family beach photo shoot. I'm also posting these because I've noticed lately that my last several posts have no photos (and this is why I started this whole thing to begin with - to chronicle our lives right now!)

These photos makes me smile. And it reminds me that all of the craziness I feel at times (ok, probably most of the time) is ALL worth it.

Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy

2008-11-04T20:44:00.000-08:00

I have waited 8 years for this.

What a victory it is. And it is so much sweeter because I know I did my teensy little part in making history here in California's 50th congressional district to help elect Barack Obama.

Effing amazing. I feel ebullient. Ecstatic. Hopeful. And I have faith in the American electorate again.

The enthusiasm and energy across the country... the world... is just amazing.

After today, I can go back to blogging about Hannah and Luke's poop or boogers and their goofy observations about life. Or darling husband's musings. Or mine, about something other than this election.

Hannah, Luke and darling husband - thanks for being so patient with me over the last 8 weeks.

All this campaigning and volunteering and electioneering and debating and attempts to educate others about why Barack- I did for you. I did this for our future, so we can feel hopeful and proud our what our country can achieve.

Yes we can.

Ever feel like you're running on a treadmill...

2008-10-28T07:20:00.001-07:00

...and not sure how much further you have to go?

That's how I feel right now, and have been feeling for a few weeks.

Am trying to get it together.

This working mom stuff and my aspirational attempts to do-it-all is breaking me.

Thank goodness for my kids and husband, who put it all in perspective. That's what really matters in times of general stress and busy-ness.

Why I haven't been blogging lately

2008-10-20T22:20:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I know. Excuses, excuses:

Kids and family.

Work, work, and more work. (it's kicking my ass right now!)

Busy weekend schedule - birthday parties, travel, Lord knows what else.

Obama campaign volunteering, with 14 days to go.

Did I mention work?

Internet surfing to satisfy my internal political junkie and obsession with this campaign.

Would. Rather. Sleep.

(OMG, where the hell did October go?!)

Blog topics that I will attempt to cover in the near-term, time permitting:

Funny (and appalling!) stories from my campaign involvement (and the myriad 80 year olds I seem to have to call from my canvassing lists)
Camping with the kiddos, Take 1 (or, how to avoid having your 3 year old twins whine all night when sleeping in a tent in the great outdoors)
Family reunion (I guess I now understand why we only seem to do this every couple of years)
Birthday party planning (I can't believe my babies are actually kids now!)

You see, I actually DO have a lot to say and share; there are just not enough hours in the day to write about them.

Fear and loathing in America

2008-10-11T00:20:00.000-07:00

There was a lot of hullaballoo this week about the recent McCain/Palin rallies and all of the fear and loathing that these candidates have incited at these events.

"Arab!" "Terrorist!" "Kill Him!"

Basically, it was everything short of calling the man a N -----, which, I have no doubt, was being privately harbored or said under one's breath by many.

I've watched endless news and YouTube videos this week of these rallies. And I took heed of the audience's background comments as Palin made insinuations of Obama's dangerousness and terrorist associations. Not surprisingly, I became more and more appalled, and more and more saddened by what I was seeing.

And then, I got bitter. So bitter that I became almost obsessed about this turn of events this week, wondering how this incitement of fear and loathing would impact the polls and the tide of the election. And more importantly, I wondered what types of deep-rooted, downright ugly sentiments would surface from the American electorate when stoked by others...in this case, pitbull Palin.

It harkened me back to a time when I was an awkward teenager living in Charlotte, North Carolina, just having moved from the cultural melting-pot of Northern California. My bitterness was rooted in a seminal event from my youth: when I had first heard racial slurs directed at me from some ignorant teenagers at a Burger King drive-thru.

"Chink! Go back to your own country!"

they yelled with a North Carolina southern twang.

Needless to say, I was shocked. And angry. And I told myself that these people were ignorant, stupid fools. (By the way, there are very nice people in the state of North Carolina...I just happened to run into some unfortunate ones that night).

"There are other countries besides China in the continent of Asia. These dumbasses think that every Asian is Chinese. How stupid! They probably can't even name other Asian countries on the map!"

This is what I justified to myself as a 1st generation Filipino who had just been called a chink. And after this, I vowed to myself that when I grew up I was never going to live in a non-socially progressive place again - I did not want my children to ever experience this kind of disdain and disrespect (little did I know how naive that thinking was).

So back to the events of this week.

I wondered who these people at these rallies are. Are they the sons and daughters of small-town U.S.A.?? Of bumblef&ck hicksville?? It also made me wonder - are there many closeted, narrow-minded people here in my own backyard of the so-called socially progressive, culturally-tolerant state of California??

Who are these people making these awful comments and where the hell did they come from?!

And sadly, these were my angry thoughts as I tried to rationalize what I was seeing:

They are certainly not people that I dare associate with.

Nor will we ever be cut from the same cloth.

Because I am more educated and open-minded than these people. (yeah, yeah, call me an elitist)

And they are just a bunch of...retards.

But then I realized, and a fellow socially-progressive friend (thanks, M!) reminded me: mocking and making fun of these people does not advance our cause; it only serves to fuel the fire and further polarize Americans into the elitists and non-elitists, the progressives and the conservatives, the free-thinkers and the narrow-minded, the well-informed and the ignorant.

And today, McCain attempted to tame the flame that his campaign had started, whether they intended to do this or not. Unfortunately, this flame may turn into a fire that will continue to burn, if not on the surface then in the closets and basements...and nothing can be done to put it out. This ugliness is what scares me the most -- for our generation and for our children's generation.

So, now, I must have patience. Patience that America will come through. Patience that some good will come out of this. Patience that the dark days we Americans are feeling are almost behind us. Patience that the hope I continue to feel is palpable and real and is practically within our reach.

And I must continue to have tolerance that not everyone sees the world as I do. And that there is still some ugliness that exists in this world. In this country. And probably even in my own socially progressive backyard here in the state of California.

Patience and tolerance does not come easy for this working mom of twins, but for the sake of my sanity over the next 25 days left in this campaign, I will certainly try.

My Extreme Makeover - on the Today Show site! (thankfully, no photos)

2008-10-08T21:52:00.000-07:00

I mentioned in a post last week that my company, along with Dr. Amy Wechsler, has launched a new book on skincare with a short case study about yours truly on pages 21-23 of the book.

Well, Dr. Amy was on the Today Show the other day and my specific write-up and excerpt from the book is on the Today Show website, here. How fun!

From the write-up, I sound like I lead a crazy, pathetic life of a working mom who has no time to take care of herself, but I guess it's necessary if they want to tell a true makeover story.

Hehe.

Veeps face-off

2008-10-02T23:25:00.000-07:00

Was it me, or was the Veep debate tonight MUCH more interesting than last Friday night's debate??!

Q4 is here

2008-09-30T20:09:00.001-07:00

October 1 marks the beginning of what us calendar year fiscal year corporate folks call Q4. So, no doubt, things are really, really busy.

For everyone else, it marks the beginning of the "holidays" which it seems starts earlier and earlier every year. And with the holidays, comes the kids' birthday (along with the Star Wars-themed party I must plan along with it) - their 4th.

OMG.

Where did the year go?

And where did my babies go?

4 1/2 months old, April 2005

Almost 4 years old, September 2008

My 15 minutes of fame

2008-09-28T12:21:00.000-07:00

About a year ago, one of my work colleagues asked me if I wanted to participate in a focus group for the new book we were developing (I work for a large media company, in case I haven't already mentioned that). The focus group participants would work and consult with a renowned New York City celebrity dermatologist-psychologist to help improve our skin, reduce our stress and help us achieve a more youthful looking appearance by doing a few simple things.

In addition to other criteria for focus group participants, one of the participants they were seeking was a 30-something, busy woman (preferably a working mom who didn't have time to take care of herself) and if they could find one, a token Asian (gee - sounds familiar!). And I seemed to fit the bill for several of the criteria.

For free.

To help out with a work project.

With added bonus of potentially improving my then 35-year old sun-damaged, already-starting-to-age skin.

PLUS, access to a renowned NYC dermatologist.

Hmmmm...

Well, as you can imagine, it didn't take too long for me to make a decision to be one of the sacrificial lambs for the writing of this book. The purpose of the focus group was to go through Dr. Amy's treatment and eventually be featured in the book about reversing the physical aging that is caused by stress, lack of sleep, lack of hydration, you-name-it (basically, all of the bad habits that contribute to our physical appearance and skin - which is almost everything).

A few lifestyle changes (like more sleep, more date nights), lots of Shiseido 55 SPF sunscreen, Keihl's cleansing products, safflower oil and Neutrogena moisturizer and 2 tubes of Tretinoin retina cream later, my skin is smoother and a little more youthful because of Dr. Amy's treatment.

So now, voila!

Next week, the book launches. And on pages 21-23, I am featured as what not-to-do (at least 12 months ago). Funny enough, it is quite a pathetic read since it sounds like I do nothing but work, hang out with the family in spurts in the evenings and on weekends, and stay up late on the computer -- which, sadly, is not entirely untrue. But I take solace in the fact that such is the life of a full-time working mom.

Thankfully, no photos of me. Those were left on the Simon & Schuster editor's cutting room floor.

Here's to another 6 years of wedded bliss and new adventures

2008-09-24T22:52:00.000-07:00

Sunday, the 21st was our 6 year wedding anniversary.

Six years ago on the 21st of September, we walked down the aisle at the Church in the Forest in Pebble Beach, California. And afterwards, we had a wonderful reception at the Quail Lodge in nearby Carmel-by-the-Sea with over 160 of our closest friends and family members. It was a blissful, unforgettable day. And it was exactly the wedding I had dreamed of having as a little girl, complete with the perfect wedding dress, a handsome groom, a classy, idyllic destination setting and all.

At the time, Dave was a job-searching, laid-off software sales guy and I was working in a stressful, sweatshop job in a big-and-corporate-consumer-software company in the Valley product managing small business software. We were renting our dinky little 2-bedroom, $1900 a-month (no joke!) apartment in the San Francisco Bay Area and contemplating leaving the rat race of Silicon Valley for greener and beachier pastures down in San Diego, where Dave grew up.

Six years ago, we felt like we were running on a treadmill with no set mileage goal and we were scared of what would happen if we tried to get off and stop. And we were wondering, dreaming of the day that we could actually, finally afford our own home and start raising a family. At the time, it seemed like a far-and-away prospect since the home prices in the Bay Area were (at least where we were in the Peninsula, just north of the Valley where we were thinking of buying) at the cheapest were about $700-$800K a pop. Yes. For a 1960's or 1970's-era "starter" home with probably no more than 1500 square feet of house. And this was back in 2002 when we were a newly married couple, practically broke by today's standards.

So, we decided to up and move down south to San Diego in 2003 to create a new life that we felt we could not have had we stayed up north. And now, 6 years later, we are blessed with 2 amazing, healthy children, a warm, supportive family on both sides, a wonderful home in a caring, eco-friendly community, a comfortable lifestyle that allows us to travel and see the world, forward-moving careers and a blissful lifestyle in one of the best cities in the world. (Really, I'm not bragging; I'm just reminiscing and counting our many blessings :)

And my, how far we have come since then. And in a strange way, this -- our current existence -- is always how I planned it in my head. I just didn't know how we would get here.

Sunday night, we went out on date night in La Jolla to celebrate year #6 and enjoyed a swanky sushi meal at Zenbu where the fancy rolls were little art creations unto themselves. And by the time we left, we were heavier on the tummies and lighter on the wallets. It felt so indulgent, especially with all of the economic hardship out in the country right now but it was our time to celebrate, so we did.

Here's the one of the off-the-menu sushi creations we enjoyed from the chef last night...called Sid Fishous - haha. (Notice the "anarchy" symbol made out of hotsauce...Dave was thoroughly amused being a skater punk kid of the 80's and all) Sid Fishous cost $20 so you can bet we enjoyed every bit of that roll, right down to the last grain of rice which probably cost at least $.05 cents. Despite my fetish for things designer/pricey (like jeans, sunglasses and purses), I am cheap with other things, like food and treating ourselves to a nice dinner, so not surprisingly I think that way.

Nonetheless, six years is a feat. It hasn't always been easy, and there are times when I'm sure we both at some point were contemplating our choice, but we've both managed to grow and learn and continue to make each other better through it all. We are committed to one another and we're in love, 6 years later.

And Sunday night, we drank Sapporos and Mai Tais, enjoyed fancy sushi and celebrated the life we've created together and the adventures that are yet to come.

The Skills You Can Learn @ 3 years old!

2008-09-22T21:00:00.000-07:00

This past weekend, my husband hooked up the kids' new computer in the playroom...complete with parental controls and favorite bookmarks of our carefully chosen online learning games, of course.

With my husband and I both working the in the tech industry and tapping on our computers in the evenings sometimes when we need to finish work at home, it's no surprise that they have been showing interest in computers for a while now. And we decided it was time.

So as I watched them play their "fine motor skills" and "literacy-building and storytelling" games on the Sprout/PBS kids website, I sat there behind them proudly and was constantly bemused by the fact that our 3 year olds were clicking around on icons and learning how to work the mouse. They can't read yet, but they knew exactly where to click once we gave them the short tutorial. I knew this would come soon enough, but wow, at 3?!!

Part of the reason I think I was so amused was this: I don't think I knew how to work a computer and type until I was in high school (and in the late 80's/early 90's I think they were still called "word processors"...how funny!)

And now, here is this new generation of our children for whom computers, the internet, etc. is a part of their everyday existence...

Unfortunately, this morning before preschool they woke me up to see if they could play on the computer again.

Uh-oh.

Thank goodness they haven't yet discovered games that you actually play for regular fun instead of learning fun. Or worse yet, the Wii.

No country for (inconsistent, tired, clueless and corrupt) old men

2008-09-18T11:43:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I'm back to my politics talk again. I just can't stay away from this topic.

So, the last few days have been B-U-S-Y...not only on the family and work side, but also on the "figuring-out-my-campaign-volunteering-commitment-between-now-and-November-4th" side.

After 4 days of spinning my wheels and creative negotiation with my husband and our September-October schedule, here's where I ended up with my Obama campaign involvement:

Camp Obama & being a Deputy Field Organizer = just too much time commitment for little old me (Camp O meant at least 3 full weekends of volunteering - one weekend of boot camp training, 2 weekends in Nevada -- albeit Vegas - bling, bling, which would have been fun...we will likely still go though)
After 4 phone conversations and 3 e-mails to the Obama4America peeps in the L.A. regional office, we've determined the best way for me to be involved is to sign-up with my local San Diego peeps.
So now, I am on Team B in the 50th Congressional district (San Diego) and I have taken on a small leadership role called "Data Manager" - this is nice title for data input monkey for people who can't use the online tools for our canvassing calls to Nevada. (Ironically, as a tech person and computer savvy professional, this job is probably my worst nightmare since it involves picking up the slack of computer illiterate people and inputting their results into the voting software. BUT, I am over this and will do whatever it takes to help my team. Yes I am a pig, not a chicken, as the analogy goes.)

Last night I attended the 50th Congressional District Obama rally party in Encinitas. And how refreshing it was to be surrounded by 200 like-minded individuals who want so badly for our candidate to win that they are volunteering time to do so. The energy and excitement was palpable. And our stated goal for California campaign efforts is clear -- Help win Nevada's 5 electoral votes. This election may come to 5 votes at this rate.

This weekend, I begin my phone canvassing of Nevada undecided voters. And one of the weekends in October, our family will likely make the trip out to Las Vegas to do physical canvassing and voter registration - sans any Camp Obama training...I think we can handle it.
(Funny enough, with all of this Obama talk in our household, I have my almost 4-year-old twins saying "Obama for America" to their preschool teachers -- so much so that the teachers mentioned it to me the other day. Whoops! At least they will be ready for our Nevada canvassing. :)

I know, I know...all this time, all this commitment. And you know what? We may not win in November, but at least I will know that I am not just on the sidelines watching how this unfolds. 47 days commitment to this campaign is relatively short in the scheme of another 4 (or possibly 8) years of another potentially bad leader. I want to make my difference in this, however small.

To close, there was a great editorial I read earlier this week from Thomas Friedman, author of non-fiction bestseller The World Is Flat. The editorial was in the New York Times, entitled "Making America Stupid." It totally resonated with me and is the new article I point folks to when they ask me why I support Obama.

No country for (inconsistent, tired, clueless and corrupt) old men, especially McCain.

_________________

Update on my Data Manager role as of this evening's Obama campaign 9PM PST conference call :

Apparently, there's more to my responsibilities than data input guru. I will also be training other volunteers on the voter database software tool and will be the list generator for canvassing calls and for volunteer management on specific events like out of state travel, etc. OK, I feel better now. I think. This, on top of everything else. Oy. (I have to remind myself...it's only 47 more days in the grand scheme of 4 years of the same old, same old...)

Ah, summer - 'twas good seein' ya

2008-09-15T22:18:00.000-07:00

After the abyssmal Chargers-Broncos game yesterday where we disappointingly lost (subtext: were cheated), we decided to drive the 15 minute jaunt over to the beach to enjoy the last bits of the weekend and savor the last few nights before Summer officially turns into Fall.

The wind was a bit chillier, the water was a bit colder, and the sun was barely peeking out from the gray clouds as if to say, "Autumn's almost here... enjoy every last bit of this lovely late summer afternoon."

Of course, it was like, 60 degrees, but then again, I've become thin-skinned a total cold-weather wimp since I've moved to Southern California. I was sad to have been wearing a long-sleeved shirt in September...in San Diego of all places. But then again, it is almost Fall.

The surfers were out in full force, Luke was in regular form running circles in the sand (as only a 3 3/4 year old cooped up watching football in the house all day could be), and Dave and I were fully in the moment...enjoying the lovely stroll along the beach knowing that in another month we would be breaking out full-on sweatshirts, long pants and close-toed shoes.

There could be worse places to live, I guess.

(as I gloat :)

I got the call!!

2008-09-13T15:24:00.000-07:00

So after the RNC, I was so mortified with what I heard that I had started to rant and spin in circles. My ranting finally became productive when, on a whim, I decided to apply with the Obama campaign to be a "Deputy Field Organizer" and do my part to help win this election in a battleground state. (California is a non-factor/traditionally blue state.)

Well, I got a call!!!!!

Yesterday afternoon, I got a voicemail from an Obama campaign volunteer named Anjali who said they had reviewed my application and were interested in having me, just so long as I could attend Camp Obama (the weekend community organizer boot camp in SoCal) AND just as long as I could spend a weekend doing community organizer work somewhere in Nevada (a battleground state) between now and Election Day!

Wow. Be careful what you wish for, right??!

Like I need another extra-curricular activity besides...um, everything else I'm doing.
BUT, I so LOVE, LOVE this stuff. And I feel so passionate about this election, and this candidate, our candidate -- more than I've ever felt before.

So now, I am busily trying to arrange for child care and do some creative juggling around our next couple of weekends since, if you can believe it, we are almost totally booked up between now and Election Day.

I so, so, so hope I can make this work.

Thank goodness for Tivo

2008-09-10T19:15:00.000-07:00

It seems that everyone's talking about politics today and I am making a concerted effort not to (only because I am getting really obsessed about it and talk-- or read -- about it incessantly when I'm not talking about the kids or work or my other pastimes.)

Sooooo...I thought that I would write about something completely innocuous and mundane like my excitement over the TeeVee fall line-up of premieres that I am looking forward to checking out, starting with...

1) The Amazing Race

My fave, fave, fave reality show of all time - even more than Survivor. I love seeing these random couples duke it out against each other and also be put in precarious situations where they need to work out Roadblocks or Detours or FastForwards, etc. Not to mention, Phil Keoghan is probably the least annoying of all the reality show hosts...This show harkens me back to the old days when Dave and I used to jaunt to Aruba, Florence, Istanbul, Costa Rica, Sydney...satisfying our wanderlust. Since we've had the twinsies, we've (or should I say I have) started at least 2 show applications but have never dared send it in. Maybe next time I'll actually do it??! We can bill ourselves as the "yuppie-couple-from-So-Cal-who-met-and-fell-in-love-because-of-their-mutual-wanderlust-and-now-have-young-kids-and-miss-it-so." I really think we could get cast, and win, if we really tried.

2) Survivor: Gabon

I have been a fan of Survivor since Season 2. I remember catching the last epi of Season 1 when Richard Hatch won wondering what all the fuss was about it. Well, now I know! And 17 seasons later, here I am anxiously awaiting the latest - Survivor in Gabon, Africa. I love all the strategery (hehe) of the game and watching everyone outwit, outplay, outlast the other. Can't wait to find another character I love to hate.

3) Grey's Anatomy

So goes another season of Meredith and Derek, Izzie and George, Christina, Bailey and the others. I've been watching since Grey's was a pilot after the Superbowl a couple of years ago. And even with all of the ridiculousness that has transpired over the last couple of years, I am still watching it. For no other reason except that it feels like such a great escape to me since these characters are nothing like my life today.

4) The Office

Dunder Mifflin rocks. So does Schrute. Need I say more?

5) Lipstick Jungle

I tuned in last year by accident. I was up a few nights doing work and it happened to be on the TeeVee a few times. Now I am totally into it. I love all 3 of their characters and most especially, I can relate to Brooke Shields's character as the full-time working mom exec with the supportive hubby. I also love the backdrop of New York City. It's such a fabulous place to watch these fabulous women live their fabulous lives.

6) 90210

Yes, I am one of those mid-30 somethings that back in the day watched Brenda and Brandon Walsh fit in with the likes of Kelly Taylor, Dylan McKay, Donna Martin and Andrea Zuckerman at West Beverly High. I remember watching this show (along with Melrose Place, of course) in college and having a whole social gathering with my sorority sisters planned entirely around the epi. 90210 is to my generation what the OC and Gossip Girl is to today's legion of youth. It's only been 2 epis and I am already sucked in. And of course, I can't even remotely relate to this age group anymore, but it's still a nice guilty pleasure.

7) Desperate Housewives

Even though the storyline has gotten more and more out of hand the last few seasons, I can't help but tune in to the women of Wisteria Lane season in and season out. Bree, Lynette, Gabrielle and Susan are all caricatures of every day women we know and love, and the great part of this is that we can see a little bit of each of them in us.

8) NFL

Go Chargers!

Wow, that was nice to talk about something else besides politics for a change.

Thank goodness for Tivo.

Birthday cake, yum, yum

2008-09-09T22:07:00.000-07:00

We've been on the late summer birthday party circuit these days (think 5 birthday parties in a 4 week span...and we're not yet completely through it!). For some reason, late August - early September is B-U-S-Y with birthdays.

As a tribute to our friends' kids who have recently celebrated birthdays we've attended, I thought I'd post a few party photos of every kids' absolute favorite part of the party - CAKE!!!!

(The goody bag handout ranks high with our kiddos, too)

And of course, a piece of cake is often followed by sugar-induced exuberance.

Here's a chronicle of their sugar-high, cake loving (and eating) adventures at various friends' parties.

BE it, don't just do it

2008-09-07T22:56:00.001-07:00

So I told myself that I wasn't going to use this forum (too much) to even remotely pontificate (and/or rant, as I have been doing) on politics.

But lately I am finding that I can't help myself.

Why?

Because I CARE what happens to our country. And because I CARE how it affects my family and my kids, especially. And just because I lean left, that does not mean that I am not patriotic and I don't love America. Quite the contrary.

Tonight I read a very good, succinct blog post from Jamie Lee Curtis, the actress no less, on The Huffington Post. And she had echoed some things Obama said this weekend that I said a few days ago after having listened to Ms. Palin's RNC speech thinking to myself,

"Uh, oh...she was good (delivering from a teleprompter). SO GOOD that people are going to forget she's a friggin' puppet and be brainwashed by all of this KarlRovian garbage...like they were brainwashed in 2004 and 2000 - Lord help us."

Anyway, something in Jamie Lee's post struck me, and it was what she had quoted from Gandhi:

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."

While this is not the first time I've seen this quote, it really resonated with me, in particular, related to this election.

With all of this talk about "change" from both sides (especially now that McCain decided to take on this as his campaign message), and with all of the GOP mockery of community organizers, this was the kick in the pants I needed. For me and the now and how I can make a difference come November 4th.

And as a registered Democrat and strong supporter of Barack Obama, I realized that I mustn't just sit here and let 2004 happen all over again. I needed to do my part outside of donating (which I have already done) or putting up lawn signs and bumper stickers in a state that will likely go blue anyway. And I can no longer be complacent and assume the last 8 years is enough to speak volumes and direct the American public to our candidate.

So this weekend, on a whim, I applied to help the Obama campaign and the Deputy Field Organizer Groups that they are mobilizing in California to spread the message to the audiences who most need to hear it. As such, the Obama campaign is recruiting a team of "community organizers" to attend Camp Obama with the goal of developing grassroots coalitions to gain victory in the battleground states. And while I can't travel to the battleground states with my current family and work responsibilities, I asked them if they could leverage me somehow remotely. I really don't know how, and highly doubt I will get "accepted" but I feel better knowing that I am trying to make a difference in this election.

Just BE it. My not-so-new mantra.

Not-so-new because when I stepped back to think about it, I've already started being some of the things I want to change in the world. But I still have more to be including making a difference (however small) with the choice of our new leader.

(ok, I'm done ranting for today.)

Celebrating life and it's dichotomies

2008-09-06T16:29:00.001-07:00

Today was a good, but strange day.

Good because it was quality time well spent with the kids.

Strange because of the dichotomy of our activities today, both celebrating life in different ways.

9:00AM

Hannah, Luke and I went to a memorial and celebration of life for my friend and colleague's beautiful, sweet 7-year-old son, Max who passed away after 4 years of fighting cancer.

It was a beautiful and heart-felt gathering of his family's friends, family and general support network -- there were probably a couple hundred of us there at the park sitting high on the bluff in scenic Seagrove Park in Del Mar, celebrating Max and listening to his favorite stories being read, hearing his teachers telling us their favorite Max stories, and watching his favorite vintage WWII planes fly overhead to salute him as he stared down at us from heaven. Family, friends, teachers, colleagues, kids, babies, parents, classmates from Max's school were there to pay tribute.

The event was purposefully family and child-oriented, complete with various Lego building stations of the take-your-Lego-creation-home-as-a-memory-of-Max-and-the-toys-he-loved-s-much variety. And with that, Hannah and Luke left with an airplane and a robot creation made from the very Legos that Max played with. Despite our sad reason for being there today, the kids had fun.

11:00AM

Contrast this with our next planned event 2 hours later, where we attended a birthday party for our friend and neighbor's daughter at PumpItUp, which is basically a huge gymnasium of inflatable bounce-houses.

Hannah and Luke and friends ran around for an hour and fifteen minutes jumping in the bouncies, sliding down the slide, and then ate pizza and had birthday cake.

There were at least 25 2-5 year old kids there with protective parents in tow. And again, not surprisingly, for different reasons at this particular event, we were surrounded by the birthday girl's friends, family, classmates, etc. Of course, the kids had fun.

******************

Two events, back-to-back, both celebrating life in different ways.

One event (the birthday party) was planned weeks ago and meticulously and lovingly executed.

The other event (the memorial) was not planned and meticulously and lovingly executed.

The dichotomy of life.

In either scenario, it is worth celebrating. And today, in particular with the unplanned juxtaposition of these two events, I have better perspective on how to value it.

I'm not buying the red meat

2008-09-04T06:32:00.000-07:00

I have been watching the RNC this week with curiosity as well as with a sincere attempt to be fair and balanced going into November (although I do have my biases).

As much as I commend Sarah Palin on her ability to read and deliver a wonderfully-crafted speech from the teleprompter and rally her conervative base, I remain largely unimpressed and have yet to hear anything new that will restore my faith in the Republican party. While they may critique the Democrat's rhetoric, I critique the patronizing, fearmongering soundbites and old ideas that they continue to leverage...soundbites that unfortunately people like my own Republican right wing conservative parents buy into and take as fact.

Big government! High taxes for everyone! Islamic terrorism! Country first!

So what else is new? And where are the real issues like the economy, health care, education, energy independence (outside of drilling), fiscal responsibility and fiscal balance, making America competitive again in the face of globalization? Issues at home that we have largely ignored while we've spent billions and billions of taxpayer dollars protecting America outside of our walls. With all due respect to our military, I commend their courage to protect us abroad as well as continuing to execute on their charter to restore peace and democracy in areas that need it, but honestly, it's time. Time to divert some of this attention back to your own home and see what you need to fix - or your family unit might just fall apart. Isn't this about Country first? Last I checked, it was.

Does America have selective amnesia from the last 8 years? I find it funny that after Day 2 at the RNC with all of us watching the sitting president orating via satellite, there has been no mention again of the Bush administration. Does the GOP think we are that stupid?

So, again tonight, I will watch with curiosity.

Oh, and by the way, I am not putting my America hat back on...I never took it off.

Today's WTF news...the mommy wars (campaign-style)

2008-09-02T11:02:00.000-07:00

Wow - check this out.

And so ignites the firestorm on one of the most polarizing issues ever (at least among women) outside of the abortion debate - the mommy wars of stay-at-home vs. work-away-from-home... at the highest and most political of levels.

Quick summary – Palin certainly has her own issues to deal with but now people are questioning if she should even take the VP post (implying working moms = bad, especially with her ) is insanity.

I may not be a supporter of McCain-Palin for November's ticket, but I am a supporter of women and their right to choose the path that's best for them - whether they decide to work outside of the home or not.

And for this, I commend Sarah Palin in her efforts to do what she has to do for herself and her family.

Yep. Uh-huh.

Bring it on.

I am so broken hearted.

2008-09-01T23:15:00.000-07:00

My friend's 7-year-old son, Max Mikulak, passed away this weekend. He has been fighting neuroblastoma (an aggressive form of pediatric cancer) for 4 years now and he finally succumbed to the disease on Sunday night.

I have posted about him several times, and more recently here, but I guess that our prayers to chase away the cancer monsters did not work (at least in this world). And if they did work, God did hear them and Max is now in heaven, chemo and radiation-free, pain-free, having all the popsicles his heart desires and having victorious light saber duels over Darth Vader.

I met Max only once, several months ago at the beach. But through his father who is my friend and colleague, I felt like I knew him so well - between their blog, their photos and stories about Max, I felt like he taught us some very important life lessons about living life to its fullest potential...living life to the Max. And all of this was engendered from his parents who have given us incredible examples. He and his wife Melissa, are two of the strongest and most admirable people I know.

Sweet dreams, beautiful Max.

Whip It

2008-08-30T22:54:00.000-07:00

We had date night last night.

And it was all planned very nicely by my husband.

My sister in law came in and watched the kids while we went to the Del Mar Fairgrounds to watch the horse races. And we won $8 from the last race (the only race we watched) which paid for one of our expensive beers.

The highlight of the night was watching a free concert at the end of the night by Devo. Yes, that Devo...the band with the red energy dome hats with the funny videos that accompanied signature 80's songs like "Whip It" and "Beautiful World."

Funny, he positioned it to me like were going to watch to Del Mar to watch and bet on the horses. Never mentioned Devo.

I know he just wanted to see Devo.

Tricky one, he is. (But a keeper!)

The sisterhood of the traveling pant(suits)

2008-08-30T22:15:00.000-07:00

I have a cool group of Bunko chicas I've been hanging with this year. And while many of them are very similar to me personality-wise, others are not. But we do all have one thing in common: we are all mommies who are trying to do/have/balance-it-all, dammit.

Lately, our adventures and get-togethers have extended beyond our once a month girls-night-in playing Bunko. And many of them have become my friends.

We now go to each others' kids' birthday extravaganzas.

We attend each others' own birthday dinners.

We throw each other baby showers for #2 (or #3).

We support each others' fundraisers.

We sneak away during weekend errands to get manis and pedis together.

We get together in the guise of creating farm-fresh, organic meals for our families at those big-ass dinner-packaging places when we are really just looking for an excuse to have a glass of wine with our girlfriends during the week.

We support each other when getting botox and lipo...(oh, sorry, wrong mom's club...that's in Orange County)

We even walk 5ks, train for and run half marathons together.

And so, it's opened up a whole new social circle for me: the world of Southern California suburban super-mommies. They are MY sisterhood of the traveling pantsuits.

It's a world I always knew existed but never thought I would be a part of, at least 4 years ago when I started this adventure called parenting. And here I am in the thick of it...and I love it.

But lately, my husband has been complaining.

He thinks all of these social events weekend-in and weekend-out is just too much. And that it's taking away from us. The family. Even when a lot of our activities with the sisterhood of the traveling pantsuits involve the family (outside of Bunko of course).

So why is he still bitching about it?

I am hypothesizing it's because he is slightly jealous that I've developed a bond with these ladies that he hasn't replicated with guy friends since we've lived here. I'm also conjecturing that he does not like to have his social plans almost exclusively scheduled by me. But of course, he would never admit that to me.

Or is it because, at a fundamental level, he does not understand that women need other good female friends, that they feed off each other and rely so heavily upon the female bonds we make to feel normal and semi-validated?

And that the time we spend with other women vindicates all of the seemingly crazy emotions we feel as moms-trying-to-balance-it-all-dammit. And that all of this is just par for the course of attempting to be a super-mom, a super-woman in this day, in this age, in our situations?

Well, I don't know that he will ever really understand, but I guess that's why I rely on my sisterhood.

And in WTF news...

2008-08-29T08:51:00.000-07:00

...this just in.

Huh?! This weakens all of McCain's arguments against Obama's lack of experience.

At any rate, this may be a lame attempt to woo Hillary's supporters. But I think it's kind of insulting if that's true. People don't vote because someone's male or female or black or purple or white (or maybe they do and I just don't carouse with them...which is likely since we would probably not get along.) They vote because the candidate stands for what they believe in - and Palin and Hillary could not be further apart. Just about the only thing they have in common is that they are both females.

More to come as we learn more about her over the next few days.

(Ok, I am done with my political rantings now...back to blogging about working mommy stuff).

I am moved

2008-08-28T20:36:00.000-07:00

I totally connected with Barack Obama tonight.

His speech almost moved me to tears and gave me hope that this country can be great(er) again. He was inspirational. He was larger-than-life. He was presidential. A true leader who wins hearts and minds. Someone this country so desperately needs right now.

And you know what? I don't care that he's a junior senator who has not been seasoned (read: infected) in the ways of Washington.

I actually like that he's idealistic and not schooled in the old guard M.O. I believe in his platform for change. Is McCain saying these things? All he can say is that Obama lacks the experience and the track record (temperament and judgment)...what's his case for change? I find it amusing and laughable that the GOP even bothers to waste their critiques over his acceptance speech venue dubbing it the "temple of Obama" with it's pillars and grand stage. Again, here goes the GOP making small issues out of big elections. What else ya got, McCain?

I will say this: The Republicans rightfully critiqued that his speech rhetoric does not fully contemplate the realities of funding his platform specifics to drive change. And I am curious to hear over the coming weeks and through the debates how exactly he plans to bankroll some of his aspirational (but not insurmountable) promises such as affordable education and health care for all, without increasing taxes. (And of course, those taxes will probably be assessed on people like me.)

And will he be able to execute on every tactic in his change platform? Probably not...let's remember that the Congress has its role to play in terms of policy-making - checks and balances was instituted for a reason. Our Founding Fathers were smart that way. But, I do believe that Obama will try his damnedest to uphold his promises, because I know that he believes we will hold him accountable.

Nonetheless, his idealism, optimism and his potential to drive true change is there and it is palpable.

And I so, so feel it, like I've never felt with any Democratic candidate I've supported before. Maybe it's because this is the first election where I am a parent and I am moved by such issues that affect more than just my generation? Regardless, I think many Americans who watched tonight felt the energy and the stirring too. And like me, many probably also feel that there is a light at the end of this long, dark tunnel we've been traveling through for 8 years.

And yes, while potential is no match for true experience (which is the retort of the McCain camp) what we do know is that when you put a damn smart leader with great potential who is hungry in a BIG job, they often rise to the occasion...just as Barack Obama has demonstrated time and again.

And that is the track record that I am using as my benchmark. It may be naive, but I believe.

Tonight Obama was "epic, yet accessible." And as David Gergen stated, his wasn't so much "a speech but a symphony." A masterpiece. And he had me at hello.

Forget my post from 2 days ago (I'm over the Hillary thing, even though I loved her speech too...), I am a proud supporter of the Obama-Biden ticket.

God bless him.

Chasing (and praying) away the monsters

2008-08-26T22:24:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, I posted about a friend and colleague of mine whose 7-year old sweet son Max is fighting neuroblastoma - an aggressive, common, and uncurable form of pediatric cancer. He was been fighting cancer now for 4 years and after being a brave warrior for so long, it now appears that the inevitable may be coming. I have been watching his story unfold and have been reading about how the cancer has progressed for months now -- and it has reached an inflection point.

His parents were told last Thursday by the oncologists at the children's hospital that they should just stop. Stop treatment to ease Max's constant pain. Stop with hospice.

They may as well just told them to stop hoping. And as Max's dad said, "Without hope, what is there?"

My heart aches for them, and everytime I think about it, I cry.

And even though I was raised Catholic, I am not very religious and prayerful. But tonight, I, along with Hannah and Luke prayed for Max and his family. And we prayed that the Mikulak family and Max could still have hope.

I was mindful tonight as I was reading Max's blog update how our kids would react to my bursts of tearfulness. So I decided to explain it to them. And I was surprised at how much they understood the magnitude of such a complicated and heart-wrenching situation.

Me: Guys, my friend has a little boy named Max. We have to pray for Max tonight and for the next few nights...he needs us to keep hope alive. He is very sick and is dying.

Hannah: Why is he sick? And he's dying? What's wrong with him? Didn't his mommy give him medicine?

Me: Honey, his mommy and doctors have him all kinds of medicine. And it's just not working anymore.

Luke: Why is he sick? What does he have? What's it called?

Me: It's called cancer.

Luke: It's a cancer monster?

Me: Yes, it's a cancer monster.

Hannah: Where is the cancer monster? Is it in his house?

Me: The cancer monster is inside his body and it's spreading all over.

Luke: It's inside his body? How did it get there? Where did it come from?

Me: I don't know, but it's there. And they can't get rid of it.

Luke: What's it doing in his body?

Hannah: (putting the pieces together, as eloquently as an almost-4-year-old could, she answered his question)
Luke, the cancer monster is eating up Max's insides and his bones. And when it is done, all that will be left is a skeleton.

Luke: Oh... (realizing the potential finality of the cancer monster's impact)
So, we need to pray for Max so he won't die and so the cancer monster will go away forever.

And with that, we said a special prayer and sent vibes of hope to sweet Max.

Wisteria Lane = my neighborhood?

2008-08-25T23:00:00.001-07:00

I think my neighborhood is turning into Wisteria Lane.

We have quite a few Lynette Scavos (the strong-willed, full-time working, Alpha moms).

We have a Gabrielle Solis (the fashionista, diva-type).

We have a Susan Mayer (the down-to-earth, cutsie single mom).

While there is no one who is fully a Bree Van De Camp Hodge, we all have a little Bree in all of us (the ultra-proper, Martha-Stewart-esque, uber mom who on the surface is put together but under the covers is a complete, hot mess).

And we even have an Edie Britt (the single, bitchy, watch-your-husband-or-she-might-try-to-bang-him type...)

Our neighborhood's tendencies to be Wisteria Lane-like has been even more pronounced by a lot of recent drama that has taken place in the lives of the women who live here. And drama, it is...

With drama and very public knowledge of your neighbors' goings-on comes the gossip and unfair carousing and side-taking.

And I don't want any part of it.

But I find myself getting sucked in.

Why? Because I have grown to actually like some of these people (well, maybe not the Edie-type). A few of them I consider to be good friends vs. only acquaintances. And I care about them.

But some of the drama is making me sick...and sad.

Is this the inevitable nature of white-collar-class American suburbia? Or is it just my 'hood?

(i will probably regret even writing this in the morning...but in the true spirit of blogging - which is journaling, really - i am writing this as a cathartic measure so i can vent and get it all out...i refuse for my voice to be dictated by who may or may not see it...Or, am I just plain stupid?!)

Back to school blues

2008-08-24T17:46:00.000-07:00

Hannah and Luke start preschool again on Monday. And I am feeling mixed emotions about their return to school.

On one hand, I am excited because they've had a nice, activity-filled summer with grandma and grandpa and I think they are ready for more structured days and play-based academic learning again.

On the other hand, I feel nervous.

Why?

Because, based on the recommendation of their last preschool teacher and the director of the school, we are putting them in different classes for the first time. With different teachers. And at some point they will be making different friends alltogether.

And I guess it's okay, since of course, as twins, it is inevitable that they would eventually split up as a "unit"...but at 3 years old? I've only known them together, doing almost everything together.

But, the obvious rationale here is that they need to develop independently -- socially, academically, physically. And better to get that established sooner rather than later.

Still, I am anxious about our decision. Hannah is the independent, the pensive and methodical one...the thinker. She is also Luke's caretaker -- she loves to mother Luke. She is also painfully shy and relies on her very gregarious brother. Luke on the other hand, is the social butterfly, the life of the party, the physically active one as well as the problem solver. He is also very sensitive and needs his twin sister.

They are two unique individuals with their own demeanors who will eventually choose their own path...I know, but still, I wasn't ready for this yet.

We've prepped them the last 2 weeks that they would not be together at school, except for a few times in the 4-year old playground, and they seem to be OK with it.

Despite this, I feel angst. And I also feel a little sad. Going back to school means that the summer is pretty much over. And going back to school also means that my babies are growing up.

Obama + Biden = sellout?

2008-08-24T00:11:00.001-07:00

Ok, so I rarely make political commentary on a lifestyle forum such as my blog, but I wanted to comment on something that has perplexed me all day since I learned of the news this morning.

I'm all for "change we can believe in," but...

Senator Joe Biden?

Yes, he has a long history on Capitol Hill and compliments Obama on almost every issue where there is a perceived deficit or gap, but...wha?? Biden does not represent what Obama's campaign modus operandi has been so far - "change we can believe in." Biden is more like "status quo" in my book.

No disrespect to Mr. Biden (who, no doubt has done great things for his constituents). The Obama camp may characterize this move as a rounding out of the Democratic ticket. But to me this highlights a lack of confidence on Obama's part and a virtual selling out to the Washington bourgeoisie of Howard Dean and the like.

Don't get me wrong, I will still put my vote down for Obama-Biden come November but I have to admit that this choice has me scratching my head.

Am I the only one?

I'll get over it in a few days, I guess.

(Or maybe I'm just disappointed because I was secretly hoping for an Obama-Clinton dream ticket to be announced today, despite news of her keynote address at the DNC next week. Or Obama and some other lucky female running mate like Kathleen Sebellius from Kansas. I guess we'll wait another 20 years before seeing another woman in #1 or #2 spot.)

Tired.

2008-08-22T22:11:00.000-07:00

TGIF. What a week.

Between a kick-butt work week, the Olympics (watching, let's be clear), mothering and being a wife to my husband (barely), I just feel exhausted. Like I don't have much to give, much less to myself.

So when I sit here all by my lonesome, with everyone asleep, and the house still, what do I do?

I want to write. Or sit. Or muse and ponder.

Or all of the above.

But I'm so beat I can barely keep my eyes open as I type.

Why am I still writing?

So I can remember.

Remember that there are good weeks and bad weeks. Remember that being a full-time working mom, or a MOM in general is not easy and can leave you depleted at the end of the day...at the end of the week...where even though you have the aspiration to catch that precious time that you've already spent away from the family all week, your real desire is to hole up and sit by yourself. And think about nothing. Or write about nothing...like I am doing now. Or just be.

I sometimes forget what that's like - to just be. And it's kind of nice.

This is exactly why I blog.

The Empire (working mother guilt) Strikes Back

2008-08-20T20:18:00.000-07:00

I came home tonight from work, only to get back on the computer an hour later to fire off some critical work e-mails before the evening settled in.

So there I was sitting in our home office (mind you, after having spent 10 hours at my work office with no real break...including a 1 1/2 hour working lunch meeting) finishing up e-mails that needed to be sent for a big presentation on Monday. For 45 minutes.

And there was Hannah, sitting in the home office with me for those 45 minutes, periodically coloring, watching me type e-mails on the computer, and basically trying to get my attention by asking me the same questions...to which I kept replying "Um..hmmm... yes, Hannah. Ten minutes, sweetie," etc.

Finally, she gave up. Here's how it went down:

H: What are you doing, mommy? Are you on your e-mail?

Me: Yes, Hannah (continuing to look at my computer screen while typing away)...Just 10 minutes before you have my full attention. (tap, tap, tap, tap. type, type, type, type...)

H: Why are you saying 10 minutes? You said that 10 minutes ago.

Me: Oh yeah, you're right. (Looking up from my typing. Oops! Wow, only 3 1/2 - she catches on fast.)

H: Mommy, do you like to spend time with me when you're at home?

Me: (At this point, I stop typing all together and look her in the eye. Oh goodness, here it -- GUILT-- goes again.)

Hannah, honey. Of course I do.

H: Then why are you typing e-mails? You were at work all day during the daytime. And now it's almost night time.

Me: Hannah, I need to do some things for work. This is part of my responsibility. I need to do this for my job. And then after I'm done, you will have me 100%!

H: (looking down.)

But you're not looking at me when I talk to you.

Me: Because I'm typing. But when I'm done, we can talk all we want! (I give her a big smile and give her a bear hug.)

H: Uh...OK. Can I just stay here in the office with you while you finish? I just want to be here with you.

Me: (feeling sad and guilty that I could not give her my undivided attention even after I've already left the physical work office...but haven't yet emotionally left the office) Ok, honey. If it makes you feel better to be here with me while I am on e-mail, then please feel free to stay. I just can't pay full attention to you until I am done. OK?

H: OK. (she looks defeated and proceeds to color a Princess Leia coloring page I printed out for her)

(sigh, again)

And of course, two hours later, here I am in the same home office where I was previously sending out work e-mails.

And now, I am blogging about my interaction with Hannah instead of spending pure quality time --interacting, talking and making solid eye contact with her. GEMS, or "genuine encounter moments" as my parenting class teacher in Redirecting Children's Behavior called them. We need them to make deposits into the emotional bank account vs. what I am doing, which is probably a bunch of withdrawals.

(At least they are on the floor 2 feet away from me coloring Princess Leia, Darth Vader, Luke Skywalker... and if it makes them feel close to me and is providing a deposit in the emotional bank account, well, then...it'll do.)

One week at a time. And sometimes, I will have to take shortcuts.

T minus 1 day until...

2008-08-15T19:28:00.000-07:00

...this race.

Oh well, I guess you never really feel ready. But I will run it no matter what.
Forget my goal of doing this race under 2 hours. I just want to finish.

I just hope staying up late every night to watch the Olympics doesn't catch up with me for this run. I will certainly need the energy!

This week at work and with my new non-profit foundation was a bitch and a half. And then pile this race on top of the super-busy week, and I have an unrelaxing weekend since I will be consumed by it, at least until 9am Sunday when it will be done and over with.

And then afterwards I will go to a spa and get a massage and get a pedicure. I will think those happy thoughts as I trudge through serene Point Loma, the beautiful harbor downtown and then through idyllic Balboa Park - all 13.1 miles of it.

The wonderful world of Disney

2008-08-12T20:50:00.000-07:00

After a lovely and relaxing 5-day vacation in the serene central coast, we spent an un-relaxing day at The Happiest Place On Earth on the way back home to San Diego.

Main Street, U.S.A., with Sleeping Beauty's castle in the distance

The kids had a ball of a time.

I, however, feel like I was bitchslapped. Bitchslapped by the Southern California August heat, bitchslapped by the summer crowds, bitchslapped by the Disney marketing machine which resulted in the kids whining every time we were funnelled at the end of an ride right into the contextually relevant-themed Disneyland store beckoning us to spend more money (Even after the $69 per adult head and the $59 for each kid we had paid just to enter the park).

I can only imagine the Disney marketing people in a conference room when they were laying out the design of Disneyland...

Travelled to Endor on Star Tours? Come to our Tomorrowland store and spend money on Star Wars action figures and light sabers!

Just rode Pirates of the Caribbean? Dole out some cash for a wig and be just like Captain Jack Sparrow! OR, come buy plastic swords so you can pummel each other with it!

Drove a car on Autopia? Buy your kids the *exclusive* Lightning McQueen and Tow Mater cars that you can only find here at the wonderful world of Disney!

Don't even get me started on the Princess Faire, where we could have visited Cinderella, Belle and Ariel within a 5 minute span (after about a 45 minute wait in line). As you walk out of the "visits" with the princesses, you enter the most lovely store complete with beautiful Disney Princess dresses and accoutrements. (We didn't visit the princesses this time, but here's a photo of our last visit to Princess Faire back in February).

At least the ride-to-merchant layouts and upsells are contextually relevant -- I'll give them that. So much so that the kids were asking us to shop after every ride. Oy. Disney...the Marketing Machine.

Anyhooooo....

Despite all my bitching about the unsolicited attempts to spend money at every corner, the kids had a great time. Which is what matters most, really.

(And OK, OK. I admit, we had a great time, too. How can you not when your kids are grinning from ear to ear?!)

Here are some photos chronicling our latest adventures at The Happiest Place On Earth.

Jedi Training Camp...waiting for Darth

Don't ever let your 3 year old drive the car at Autopia. I still have whiplash.

Tarzan's Treehouse (formerly the Swiss Family Robinson Treehouse back in the 70's when I was a kid visiting Disneyland. Good move changing the name, Disney. I can see today's kids now - Swiss Family...uh...who?)

Mad Tea Party - a 1955 original

King Arthur's Carousel

And nearing the end of the day, this:

Cafe Orleans for a nice sit-down dinner, right after riding Pirates of the Caribbean

And we all know this well...end-of-the-evening general crankiness. Time to go home now!

Who says you need to go far to have a nice family vacation?

2008-08-10T10:36:00.000-07:00

...Especially when the exceptionally gorgeous central coast of California is just a 5 hour drive away?

I am always in wonderment when we road trip through our home state. Nowhere else in the world can you have the beach, the desert, ski slopes and world-renowned national parks all within a short(ish) drive. (Well...OK, maybe New Zealand qualifies too, but it certainly is *not* the best place to live.)

The beach, in particular on the central California coast is a sight to behold...it really is unlike any other coastline in the world. Drive through the Pacific Coast Highway or the 101 anywhere from Big Sur all the way down to Santa Barbara and you are in for a visual feast.

I told Dave to kick me next time I have wanderlust and want to shell out about a month's worth of salary on another expensive family trip to Europe. (NOT recommended with 3 year old twins, by the way, and definitely NOT recommended when the dollar is doing as shi%ty as it is against the British pound sterling and the Euro. Thanks, Mr. Bush.)

Central coast rocks.

Vacation's all I ever wanted

2008-08-03T20:04:00.000-07:00

Here we are on vacation, finally. A road-trip one, at that. Just 250 miles north of San Diego at Dave's family's shore house in a sleepy little beach hamlet called Cayucos.

And I wonder why we haven't done this sooner?!

Who says that you need to go to Mexico or Maui or Europe for a great vacation?

Only Day 2 in the beautiful central coast of California and my pulse rate is already lower, my sleep time is more restful and my relaxation meter is at an all-time high. I don't think I've been this relaxed since I went to La Costa Spa...and that was over a year ago. And to boot, we're with the kids and both grandmas. (They are our babysitters - and they are both happy to do it!) Yes, we are all relaxed.

Some friends chuckled when I told them I was going up the coast to the beach.
"Well, isn't San Diego one big beach town, really?!" they would say.

Yes, but San Diego is so not Cayucos, where the town itself is so small you may miss it if you stop to blink while on Highway 1. You can saunter a slow "I'm-at-the-beach" saunter to the market, church, town pier and a variety of adorable beach eateries all within 15 minutes of the house.

And the beach...oh, the lovely beach. The shoreline stretches for at least 6 miles and the beach is wide and flat and packed with sand...it's a runner's dream beach, really. Not to mention, there are just small smatterings of people along the shore...you feel like you have the place all to yourself. And to top it off, you can see the shoreline crest around and on a clear day, you can see Morro Rock in nearby Morro Bay. Just amazing.

If I weren't on dial-up and I had my camera cord, I would upload photos...but we'll save that for the next post.

In the meantime, I'll keep enjoying my family and my overall decreased pulse rate (I will need it since the month of August at work will be so not fun...there's probably some higher reason I somehow neglected to bring the power cord to my blackberry...Oops).

'Til then, I'll enjoy my beachin' self.

Explaining career decisions to a 3 year old

2008-07-28T22:42:00.000-07:00

My fellow work-away-from-the-home mom friends with older kids warned me this would happen soon enough.

Well, it's here and it's happened...or should I say, happening.

It went down like this...

***************************
Tonight, 9pm - Good night routine

Me: Good night my honeys...it's lights-out now. Mommy has to go downstairs and do some work for a little bit.

Luke: Are you leaving us?

Me: No, I'm going to be downstairs in the office.

Luke: In the home office?

Me: Yes, sweetheart, in the home office.

Luke: And will you be here in the daytime tomorrow?

(sigh)

Me: No, honey, mommy won't be in the home office tomorrow. I have to go to work and be in my work office tomorrow morning. But I'll be back in the afternoon and it will still be daytime. Hope that's OK.

Luke: But whyyyy, mommy? I want you to stay with us during the daytime in the morning. Mommy, we have a home office and you can work downstairs.

Me: Luke honey, I have to go in and be with my work colleagues to get some things done (yes, I used the word colleagues with my 3 year old and strangely, I think he understood).

Luke: But whyyyyy?

Me: Honey, I have responsibilities at work and have to get them done.

Luke: But what about Luke and Hannah?

(sigh)

Me: You and Hannah and daddy are the most important people in my life. In addition to being your mommy, I work so that I can be a well-rounded and happy and overall better person, which also makes me a better mommy.

Luke: (Pause. He looks at me quizzically.)

Me: (I should have shut up there and left it at that, but I kept going.) ...And I also work so that I can help daddy provide a great life for our family. I hope you understand that.

Luke: (Pause)

OK, are we still going to Disneyland next week when we go on vacation?

************************

No joke.

I can't believe I'm already explaining why I work to our 3-year-olds, and something tells me that this won't be the last time I have this discussion. And if it makes them feel better to know that it helps pay for our vacations and enables us to go to Disneyland, then so be it.

But it still makes me sad.

I hope someday they understand.

Did you know...

2008-07-25T23:45:00.000-07:00

...that the chance of a fraternal twin pregnancy naturally occuring in women is less than 1%?

I didn't know either, until I flipped through the Us mag at the newsstand today while standing in line at the grocery store. The statistic was presented in the context of the latest famous twin spawn from Brangelina, noting that these babies were IVF-generated.

Wow - never thought I'd be in the less than 1% category.

And boy, do I feel so blessed and lucky.

Have time (and grandparents), will travel (in a car)

2008-07-24T21:57:00.000-07:00

Summertime.

The very thought of it harkens me back to the old days when we used to be able to travel overseas for weeks at a time. Every night we'd have a leisurely dinner over wine. We would people-watch and sometimes carouse with the locals. And then we'd stumble back to our hotel room at whatever time of the night. The next morning, we'd sleep in and have a long breakfast or brunch sipping our coffee while reading the Herald Tribune or USA Today before planning our day's activities. Or, we would revel in not having to plan at all. Because we were on vacation, after all.

And perhaps we'd take in a museum or two. Or we'd go to a local park and take in the sun and fall asleep on a park bench. Or under a palapa. Just because we were on no real schedule. And sometimes, we'd read a book or two that doesn't require a short attention span. Or we would take in the sights and sounds of the locale we were visiting - whether it's the bustling activity of La Rambla, or the haggling and bargaining over handicrafts in the Plaka, or venturing on a jungle cruise through the rainforest in Belize, or taking in the breathtaking Tuscan vista and tranquility of Cortona, or hanging by the pool in Cozumel as we waited for our dive boat. And we would pause, take it all in, and live SO in the moment because we were on vacation. And that's what vacations are for, after all.

The old days. We had it so, SO good.

(sound of car tires screeching to a sudden halt)

Fast forward to 5 years later.

Here are several scenes and memories from our last 3 1/2 years of travel:

Hannah has the major runs in the make-shift pack and play in the same room we are sharing on our "family getaway" trip to Puerto Vallarta. Then Luke gets the runs. And then all night, we proceed to change out their diapers as they work through Montezuma's Revenge. And then we all proceed to get sick.

Luke's face flares up for 2 days from the "sugar" cookie my dad accidentally gives Luke. The sugar cookie that ends up being a peanut butter cookie. Luke's got a BAD peanut allergy. And we are on a boat. With no real doctors. Yes.

Hannah barfs on Dave (after my dad gives her Cheetos, see the theme here?) on our 3.5 hour flight from Chicago after we've already been flying for about 9 hours from overseas. Of course, we have spare clothes for Hannah, no spare clothes for Dave. Dave proceeds to stink up our row for the rest of the flight. I want to barf myself. This, and the anxiety I already felt at the beginning of the flight when I learn that San Diego is burning (think SoCal wildfires) and that our neighborhood is in the evacuation zone...yes, our neighborhood with the house we had just bought 6 months prior. And of course, we are evacuated after we've been out of the country for 16 days. Thank goodness for packing well.

Luke has an accident in his carseat and doesn't bother to tell us about it on a 6 hour roadtrip up the California coast to our family beach house. (Oh by the way, dried pee stank on a carseat is a bitch to wash out.)

I freak out when I see the flashing red battery sign on our portable DVD, and yet, we still have another 2 hours left on the plane. In desperation, I break out the Dollar Store gifts out of my backpack gift-wrapped in aluminum foil as another attempt to entertain the kiddos. They open them in excitement, and then at some point during the course of the rest of the trip, they manage to throw them under the seat at which point the toys roll forward about 10 rows. (Note to self: don't ever buy airplane toys that are capable of rolling).

Luke has a major breakdown on our tour bus coming back from Florence after a long day of shopping and sightseeing - with no naps for the kiddos, of course. And naturally, the bus is filled with old people who at some point many moons ago were parents but clearly forgot what it's like to have toddler-aged children. A man in the row ahead of us yells "SHUT UP!!!" I do everything in my power not to reach over the seat and knock his spectacles into his head.

That's all. So you'd think with all of this we would plan to never go on a trip again. Especially an overseas one. Or one to Europe, especially. But noooooooo... here we go plotting yet another overseas vacation (or perhaps maybe it's just me, in my mind?!), romanticizing the notion that we will be infusing all of this culture into our children's lives at an early age, bequeathing to them our love of travel, our wanderlust and our aspirations to do and be all things worldly.

And you know what they get out of it?

Not much - at least at this age. Luke's big memory of our European vacation last year is of the "London Bridge" (it's really the Tower Bridge, but he loves the song so much that he calls it that) and the "bicycle wheel" (the London Eye). Hannah's big memory was of Big Ben and her obsession with it throughout the trip. And losing Flounder in a tapas restaurant in Barcelona.

But, that's. about. it. Yup.

So, it's not that I don't have peaceful, serene memories of our last several trips with the kids. It's just that most of them involve sleeping or spa'ing or running by myself for an hour or having a babysitter who is watching them while we can actually enjoy the vacation locale.

And happy memories? That, we have a TON of. But calm serenity is another thing. NO. CAN. DO. This is precisely why parents plan trips away. To recharge their batteries. Because dear God knows that taking a family vacation depletes energy and often leaves you running on empty by the end of it.

So what does that mean for our vacation this year? Yes, another road trip up the central California coast to the family beach house. And if we learned anything from our last few travel experiences, we will bring the grandparents in tow (this time, sans peanuts and Cheetos).

And according to Dave, we won't even attempt to do another overseas or "flying" trip for some time...at least until the kids can appreciate it and we can handle it better.

At least I have my imagination...and my old travel memories.

(And in my mind, we will be off to Belize, or Cabo, or Ireland, or New Zealand, or...)

Oops, I did it again

2008-07-22T20:54:00.000-07:00

I think I have a problem. I am a chronic over-committer.

Or so my husband says. And maybe he's right.

As I transition responsibilities from an extra-curricular activity I've been involved with the last two years, I find myself getting involved with yet another one -- with no breaks in between. And why?

Because I just can't say no? (no)

Because I don't feel as fulfilled if I don't have a few balls juggling in the air? (getting warmer)

Because having my hands in lots of different things of substance make me feel like I'm adding value in the world? (ding, ding, ding, as i put my finger on my nose to indicate "precisely!")

He says that I have a hard time setting boundaries for myself. I call it trying to "step up my life." But sometimes it's to my detriment.

Like when I wake up in the middle of the night remembering that e-mail for work I needed to send before the morning. Or when I feel guilty for not baking those cupcakes from scratch for the kids' pot-luck picnic at preschool, or have a hard time making it on time to their soccer practice. Or when that newsletter deadline for my non-profit is looming and I still haven't gotten the write-up ready for it.

And I get myself all worked up and worked out so that I get tired and am in a tizzy about everything. And then. I get paralyzed. And I end up doing everything and nothing because I don't know what to do next, or where to go. And wonder if I am really just a slacker...mom, wife, employee, non-profit volunteer, whatever. Ever feel like that when you get overwhelmed?

Not that I'm overwhelmed right now or anything. I'm just musing on this in my mellow, reflective state so that next time I get worked up and in a tizzy, I can point to what's driving it. And I can recognize and understand what my natural reaction is under duress and times of general busy-ness. And, of course, I can also be ok with it since I acknowledge, "Oh, ok, that's just how I get in these situations."

Self awareness is good like that, ain't it?

Priceless

2008-07-21T23:01:00.000-07:00

(Multi) million dollar babies.

Yes, but aren't they all?

Some are more literally than others. With all the news of the recent births of famous twins Vivienne Marcheline and Knox Leon and the the ~~stupidity and absurdness~~ double digit millions that entertainment mags are willing to pay for the right to publish their baby photos, it made me think about the $400-ish bucks we've shelled out in recent years for each of our professional photo sessions chronicling the growth and progression of our lovelies.

Here are a few of my favorites from the photo shoot we did with the kids when they were almost 3 years old. The location of the photo session was right in our own backyard at the Ranch House in our neighborhood community...

And here are a few more going back in time when the kids were almost 2. Location this time was at Crystal Pier in Pacific Beach.

Now, they may not have the famous parents to warrant a professional photo shoot for Us or People or OK! mag but they are our precious twinsies. And they are priceless.

So, no additional photos of ridiculous Frette nursery bedding linens handmade in Italy or images of sterling silver rattles or shoots of Dave and I decked out in the latest couture caressing our swaddled infants here (save that for JLo)...just good old natural photography reflecting our kids just the way they are in real life.

And isn't that what good photography is about?

Overheard at a Twin Mom's Night Out

2008-07-17T08:58:00.000-07:00

I recently attended a Mom's Night Out for a non-profit twin mom's support group I've been involved with the last few years. There were quite a few amusing conversations I either participated in or overheard:

Regarding being a twin mom, in general:

Five-months-along-pregnant-with-twins-mom: "I'm due in December" (she said as she proudly rubbed her tummy) "These guys are my IVF babies."

Me: "Oh, yes, there are plenty of us here. Although for me, it ran on both sides of the family, but of course, no one ever assumes that."

Other twin mom: "Yeah. I'm so surprised how many people have asked me whether they are natural. That's none of their business! Nonetheless, why is it that people just assume you're on fertility pills if you have twins?!"

Yet another twin mom: "Uh, hello -- Hollywood?! Angelina. JLo. Julia. Marcia Cross. John and Kate + 8."

Regarding schooling and moving them forward or holding them back for kindergarten:

Twin mom: "I have a boy and a girl, and because of my boy, I'm definitely holding them back a year to start kindergarten.

Another twin mom: "Oh yes, my boy is the reason I'm going to hold them back, too. My daughter runs circles around him."

(By the way, no disrespect to boys or anything, but only moms of boy/girl twins would ever notice these things!)

Yet another twin mom: "Well, I know of someone who separated her twins into different class years. And it was BAD. The kid in the younger class always referred to his twin in the older class as 'my smart sister.' "

Twin mom: "How sad. I'm never separating them."

Regarding the very popular Redirecting Children's Behavior (RCB) class we took with Susie Walton:

Twin mom: "No one understands how impactful this class was for us. Everyone thinks I'm crazy when I parent my kids. They think I'm too permissive."

Me: "Yeah, but the reality is that we are just more relaxed because we now have the tools to address all the issues we face our kids."

Twin mom: "I feel like Susie is just one big gift, and we learned her secrets. And we want everyone to know about it. But now everyone thinks we're nuts."

Regarding getting out with us couples while the (grand) parents are in town:

Twin mom: "OK, my folks are in town for 2 weeks. Let's plan an outing, all 6 of us."

Me: "Yeah, we need to get this in, otherwise we will NEVER get out again until the next time the grandparents are back. They are too much to handle for one person right now (in reference to our 3 1/2 year old twins)."

Regarding working full time and parenting twins:

Stay-at-home Twin mom: "I just don't know how working moms can do it."

Full-time-work-outside-the-home twin mom: "It's quite simple. I have twins. Working full time makes me sane. Adult interaction is good."

Regarding random stuff:

Me: "So when's the next botox party?"

Twin mom friend: "Oh, when my mom comes back in town! I'll call you can we'll get together and take some shots."

Peace out.

A 3-year-old's view of the world

2008-07-15T00:04:00.000-07:00

Luke: Mommy, I wanted to show you something.

Me: Yes, sweetie.

Luke: This is what we see on the way to preschool in the morning.

Me: What do you mean, Luke? What is it? (looking quizzically at the toy cars he's placed on the bin)
Luke: It's traffic, mommy. (Like it was the most obvious thing I should have acknowledged).

I smile and think to myself that this is a blog-worthy moment to capture on film and in type script.

Me: And who's this? (pointing to the Transformer)

Luke: This is the guy who tells the cars where to go. And they do it because he's big.

Birthday Fun

2008-07-14T11:00:00.000-07:00

Ah, birthday parties. We've been going to a lot of 'em lately.

And we all love 'em for different reasons.

For the kids, it's time to have a blast with their friends. Time to have cake. Time for goody bags. Time for jumpy or whatever form of entertainment the party hosts have provided. Time to celebrate with the lucky birthday girl or boy. And for Hannah, time to break out the new party dress and matching hair accessory.
For us parents, it's time for the kids to be entertained for a few hours, and hopefully not by us. Time for the kids to tire themselves out (to facilitate that nap). And time to socialize (even it it's interrupted at least 10 times to run after the kids and figure out what they're doing) with the other parents.

So Hannah, Luke, Dave and I came out for a friend's daughter's birthday ~~party~~ extravaganza recently at Santa Fe Sur Community park in RSF and boy, was it over-the-top fun. (Belated Happy Birthday Soph!)

First there was the good old jumpy.

And then there were the pony rides.

Of course, bring out the live music entertainment complete with accompanying sing-along instruments and other accoutrements to grab kids' attention.

And then to top it all off (literally) the yum, yum, yummy sangria and wonderfully catered BBQ for the kiddies and us mommies and daddies.

All for for little Sophie who just turned 2 years old.

And a great time was had by all on a wonderful Sunday summer afternoon. Certainly, the bar is set for the next birthday party!

(As I start to feel insecure)

In fact, I think I'll reserve that space now at PumpItUp or Helen Woodward Animal Center for Hannah and Luke's birthday #4 in December.

Think they'll be booked?

Gotta love days like this

2008-07-13T08:23:00.000-07:00

It's Sunday morning. Not yet 8:30am.

And I've already run 9 1/2 miles as a training run for this upcoming half.

Now I can spend a leisurely morning with the kiddos who just got up - with no stress about working out, because it's all out of the way now.

I SO love Sunday mornings like this.

These people obviously don't have kids

2008-07-11T16:09:00.001-07:00

I drove to the mall today at lunch to run a few errands and naturally went to my normal parking lot on the 2nd level outside of Nordstrom. The lot was strangely crowded and full of cars circling about looking for spots. Hmmmm...Friday...lunchime - I guess everyone had the same idea I had.

After about 10 minutes of making rounds through the lot, I was able to weasel my way to a parking spot. As I walked through the mall to run my errands, I was quickly reminded that little known company from Cupertino, CA was having a big product launch today.

Yes, the Apple iPhone 3G. Lovely.

The line snaked past the food court and around a few stores on the other side of the mall. You would think from this line that they were waiting in line to see the Pope, or better yet, they were auditioning for latest season of American Idol.

(Jealous, sarcastic tone begins here.) These people obviously have a LOT of time on their hands. And they obviously don't have kids. I just don't get the American fascination with gadgets and being the first in line to get the latest and greatest.

Someday when these people have babies, they'll recognize and appreciate and love what's easy and convenient and low-stress. For now, they can enjoy their child-free days and stand in line for days just to have the bragging rights that they were the first to get coolest, greatest, new Apple thang.

Yeah, uh, that's it.

(Note: Clarissa mocks only because she wants a 3G, too. For now, she will continue to appreciate her Palm Centro...until next week when you will probably see her in line at UTC mall along with the others waiting to get their hands on the latest and greatest Apple creation).

Live life to the Max

2008-07-07T10:13:00.000-07:00

A work colleague (and friend of mine) has got to be one of the strongest souls I know.

Mostly because I really don't know how he does it. But what I do see of him is just plain amazing.

He comes to work everyday as an executive leader within our company and you would never know that he and his family are dealing with the most heart-wrenching of situations at home.

His 7-year old son, Max has a rare form of pediatric cancer called Neuroblastoma. You can read about Max and his fight with his relapsed cancer in this blog. Or, alternatively, you can view this photojournalistic essay blog that captures Max and his family's journey. Be warned...tears will fall.

I have met Max only once and he is such an amazing, happy, strong boy. And at the ripe age of 7, he has already dealt with more than most people ever deal with in their lifetime and has shown the bravery and courage of a trained warrior.

Every time I read my colleague's blog updates about Max, I experience the emotional roller coaster ride with them. And sometimes I laugh and smile, but lately my heart has just been breaking. Max is continuing to fight the fight every day with his relapsed cancer and has been in and out of the hospital the last few weeks - there is no known cure for relapsed Neuroblastoma.

And I can't even imagine what he and his family are going through (which is nothing short of traumatic) and how they are dealing with it (which is nothing short of amazing) since I do not walk in his shoes nor do I ever want to in my worst nightmares as a parent.

And it makes me just want to help.

So, I am walking in a fundraiser walk in a few weeks to do my small part in all of this, which is to raise awareness and funding for finding a cure for this terrible disease. If you are so inclined, please feel free to donate...Or, at the very least, read about this to educate yourself and raise your own awareness, remember to take nothing for granted, and count the many blessings we have in our lives.

Chasing Fireworks

2008-07-06T22:06:00.000-07:00

We spent a rather mellow 4th of July at home, with no real plans, and no real schedule...which was rather nice for a change.

For the evening, we thought it would be fun to take the kids out to see fireworks. We wanted something mellow, convenient and kid-friendly (meaning, not too many people). Perhaps this is too much to ask on the 4th of July. We thought not, so we consulted Signonsandiego.com and looked at our options:

Downtown San Diego at the Embarcadero (not mellow, not that kid-friendly, crappy parking)
Coronado (too far, and by the time we get there we will have spent $20 in gas consumption)
La Jolla Cove (um, parking will be even crappier than downtown)
Del Mar Fairgrounds (too crowded, not mellow, no thanks)

So imagine our surprise when we found a nice little, mellow park in RB called Webb Park where it was advertised "Fireworks after sunset."

Sounded cool, uncrowded and totally in line with our informal list of requirements.

So we got there at 8:30 anticipating fireworks to shoot off at 9:00 and layed down our blanket and opened up our bottle of wine.

People were just arriving. Red flag #1. I should have remembered that people camp out for hours for good fireworks shows.

We also noticed that the park was just east of the 15 highway. Red flag #2. Now why would they have fireworks next to a highway? Where would they shoot the fireworks from so close to the 15? Didn't add up.

Then we naturally noticed that there were no pyrotechnics set up anywhere close to the park. Red flag #3.

So we waited. And waited.

And all of a sudden around 9:05 we heard boom! noises just east of us. And we saw the top of the fireworks canopies just over the trees that were blocking our sight.

"Fireworks after sunset" the website advertised...but not at this location apparently. Gyeeeesh.

So, determined for Hannah and Luke to enjoy fireworks, we jumped in the car and attempted to find the source. And we drove through the annals of RB until we found them, about 2 1/2 miles from where we were parked originally.

Because we didn't want to park, walk and miss anything, we rolled down all the windows and sunroof and stopped the car in the street at a stoplight. (there were no cars on the road of course).

And Hannah and Luke were able to see the last of the fireworks from our car. At least we were able to catch the finale.

The inner Samantha in all of us

2008-06-30T10:46:00.000-07:00

I went to a fabulous SATC party with about 20 fabulous women several weekends ago.

While we were supposed to dress like our fave SATC character or diva, I saw a vacuum in amount of Samanthas.

There were all kinds of Carries, Mirandas and Charlottes (myself included), but no Samanthas.

And that got me wondering...Are suburban American moms afraid to unleash our inner divas (read: sexy, sassy, get-down-with-your-bad-self MILFs)?

Yes, we are mostly 30-something women, married, with kids, homes, responsibilities. And with this status, it sometimes carries with it a sense of beatific saintly motherhood expectations (I know it does for me as the good Catholic girl).

But we all know that we have a little Samantha in us. We just may not talk about it, or share it with others. But it's in there. Just ask our husbands. Or our old boyfriends from college or (sigh) our 20's.

So, I don't mean to imply that Samantha Jones was a diva (read: chain-smoking, cosmo swigging hussy). She was very, let's say comfortable with her sexuality and open in dialoguing about her indiscretions. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

And maybe that's OK if you're single.

Many moons ago back in college, there was this fraternity I used to hang out with that had an annual theme party called Bourbon Street. And boy, did this kegger give every other woman I knew free license to look like a street walker. (Not I, of course, the good Catholic girl that I am). And of course, a lot of these women ended up with some frat guy at the end of the night hooking up, just like they planned it.

But there's something about being married with children that makes many of us creep back into school-girl mode and cover our mouths and blush and act, oh, so shocked by such improprieties. Maybe it's because we feel like we need to look and act a certain way now that we have this maternal status that carries with it a sense of responsibility, propriety, mom-ness...every bit of which is so not sexual.

And many moms I know today sigh and look back wistfully at their pre-motherhood, pre-married states and mourn our supposed former selves. "Boy, was I BAD/CRAZY/WILD/insert your own adjective here" I hear many moms say. Like it was a person in the past who we longer know.

But aren't we the same people we were when we were in our 20's - only older, wiser and with a few extra centimeters (or inches) of skin around the middle??

We all have her in us...we just forget she's there.

So, the moral of this post: Take this as a gentle nudge (read: kick in the pants) to remember to unleash your inner Samantha every now and again. Now, I'm not necessarily condoning the promiscuous, multiple-man-loving Samantha, but the salacious, comfortable-with-her-sexuality, get-down-with-your-bad-self Samantha.

Our husbands will certainly appreciate it.

(This one's for the Bunko ladies!)

Kid-free weekend

2008-06-28T09:44:00.000-07:00

For the first time in 3 1/2 years, we just don't know what to do with ourselves.

My folks are in town all summer and they decided (and we agreed) to take Hannah and Luke with them to visit my uncle in OC. All weekend.

Now, we've taken overnight dates and weekends before. But they were away vs. here. At home. And what a novel concept - a weekend away at home. Who knew it could be so nice?

So after work yesterday, Dave and I met for Happy Hour and dinner. Straight from work. Like we used to do.

And for the first time, we didn't feel pressure to come home and see the kids before they went down for the night. Because they weren't home. And we felt guilt-free because we knew my parents were with them and we were comforted that they were in good hands, having a grand old time without us.

And then we came home. He watched a movie on TV. I leisurely surfed the internet...bought iTunes, read the news, skimmed the Hollywood gossip sites, caught up on e-mail. All before 9pm. Then we reconvened and sat in our living room and sipped wine and watched Friday night programming.

Uninterrupted. Relaxed.

A rare bliss at home.

No running around to make dinner for them and for ourselves.

No drawing straws to see who got to bathe them.

No fighting with them to stay in bed after lights-out.

No wistful looks exchanged between Dave and I at the end of the night because of the realization that we'd have only 1/2 hour of alone-time together before collapsing into bed after a long week at work.

Just a quiet evening at home. Like the old days. With seemingly all the time in the world to ourselves.

This morning, we slept in until almost 8:00am.

Then we went for a run in the trails behind our neighborhood, together.

After making a big breakfast in our kitchen, we leisurely sipped our coffee and we wondered and speculated on what to do today.

Perhaps that art festival in La Jolla?

Or a little shopping at Fashion Valley?

Or a hike in Torrey Pines?

No naptime considerations to time-box our day's agenda.

No scurrying around before leaving the house to make sure the kids have all their snacks and gear before running off to our kid-friendly schedule of Saturday activities.

No coordination of who will be with which child and when, so we can run errands and get in precious-few "me" moments during the weekend.

We felt a rare peace.

Yet we also felt eerily empty.

And tomorrow morning, they will return. And sounds of their laughter and giggles and fighting will again fill the house.

We will again return to our seemingly chaotic weekend schedule and enjoy the rest of Sunday together in a kid-friendly manner - a birthday party at the park, a playdate, dinner at Pat & Oscars.

And for as much as Dave and I have longed to have the extra time together the last 3 1/2 years, we realize that we just can't stay away from them.

Bunko is the new Bridge

2008-06-24T23:17:00.000-07:00

I have a pastime once a month and it is one of the few non-family, non-husband related extracurricular activities that I actually look forward to doing.

Bunko.

It's what bridge and mahjong used to be for my mom when I was growing up in the 70's - a time for busy moms to get together away from their husbands, the kids...reality, time to not have to think and take care of someone else, and time to just be YOU and be girly again.

But girly with a twist - a motherly, I-have-responsibilities-and-am-getting-a-hall-pass-just-for-tonight twist.

For many women, it's their one big getaway for the month. For me, it provides an outlet to rediscover my former self -- my pre-marriage, pre-babies self. It takes me back to the old days when I was single and had all the time in the world to spend with girlfriends having the typical, estrogen-filled discussions over the same tried but true topics:
Men.
Relationships.
Careers.
The glass ceiling.
Sex.
Shopping.
The latest collection of Tom Ford shades at Bloomingdale's.

And today, years (and weddings, and several pregnancies) later, it's a different group of ladies but we women still discuss the same topics, but with a new, slightly different filter. (Add kids to the topic list!)

Rather than talking about THE ONE and what type of weddings we'd plan, we now talk about the importance of date nights and maintaining some semblance of a romantic relationship with our spouses.

Rather than trying to figure out men and the meaning of their every move like we did before, we recognize and accept that our husbands are pretty transparent -- what you see is what you get -- and we compare stories and learn that we are not the only ones who have to deal with not-involved-enough partners or too-involved-partners or semi-anti-social-partners (I'm not saying that Dave is any one of these people, by the way).

Rather than discuss our male hook-up escapades and compare tactics, we still talk about tactics, and we discover and learn new ways to make things more um, interesting with our spouses in the bedroom when our everyday existence becomes mundane. And sex becomes an event reserved only for adding to our brood (think: Bunko Challenge...ask me if you are ever interested.)

Rather than talking about graduate schools and the GMATs or GREs to advance our knowledge,
we still debate the merits of school - preschool, that is - comparing one over the other, and we list the benefits and drawbacks of private vs. public school education. Our knowledge swap consists of parenting tips and tactics. From potty training tips for #2. To redirecting power-addicted 3-year olds. To tips for raising our little girls into strong women. To coping with sleep deprivation. To handling our toddlers when when another one is on the way.

Rather than talking about that great deal on a new pair of designer jeans we got at Loehmann's, we ... oh we still do that.

And rather than talking about that next promotion or career step and making more money, we now talk about our work as "jobs", whether they are in the home, outside the home, or whatever or wherever each individual life calling takes us. We swap ideas and inquisitively discuss how to morph our "jobs" into passions that can help us do a better job balancing family life and the need to do something just for ourselves.

And we wonder and look in awe at the women around us and we ask ourselves how they manage to do it. And we feel better because we know we are not alone, and we have a wonderful network of women who can support us just because they listen, and understand.

(All of this while we role the dice and sip Merlot.)

Overextended

2008-06-19T20:38:00.000-07:00

I royally messed up the planning of my twins' end-of-preschool-year class party this weekend.

Why?

Because I'm overextended, and as a result I was disorganized.
And I have so much going on right now that I don't know my head from my ass.

Dave reminded me that this screw-up is a sign I am taking on too much right now. Between the demanding nature of my job, being a mom, taking a parenting class, training for a half marathon, extra-curriculars and non-profit work, our busy summer social calendar, preschool class party-planning, and oh yes, blogging, way too much. Oy. With all of this juggling, I was bound to mess something up at some point.

And the sad thing is that I had planned this way in advance.

I put the sign-up sheet for potluck and RSVP on the parent's board up um, a month ago.

And I had carefully planned the potluck sign-up menu so that we had a good balance of the food pyramid for both preschoolers (protein, bread products, fruit, veggies, dairy and juice boxes) and parents (same food as preschoolers + beer).

Then I took down the sign-up sheet so I could create another fun poster on the board to remind the parents of the party. I was feeling oh, so momsy and involved and proud that I could be such the pre-school party planner given my full plate.
I really felt like I could do it all, dammit.

And then, in my state of busy-ness and chaos last week, I lost the damn sign-up sheet.
But all was not lost - I asked their teachers to put up a reminder sign. Problem solved (or so I thought).

It gets worse. I guess on the original sign up sheet (that no one seemed to have a copy of, except the one I lost), I wrote down the right day (Saturday), but the wrong date (Sunday's date). And of course, the teachers wrote down the wrong date on the reminder, my wrong date, but the right one as far as they were concerned.

So guess who got to call every one of the parents today tell them about the screw-up, my screw-up with the dates? Yup, me.

The good news is that I caught about 2/3 of the class and told them about the date of the party, and that most of them can come.

Oy.

What's your thing?

2008-06-18T22:30:00.000-07:00

Most women have a thing.

For some, it's shoes.

For others, it's purses.

For me, it's sunglasses (and purses, but that's another post).

And my latest coveted prize is Tom Ford's Raquel.

I once read somewhere that a famous, fashionista first lady by the name of Jackie O had a big basket near her front door where she would put all of her fabulous designer glasses and choose one that suited her mood for the day.

Feeling luxe? Wear the Chanels.

Feeling fierce? Slip on the Dolce & Gabbanas.

Feeling some drama? Wear the Guccis.

Feeling sporty? Put on those Oakleys.

Feeling a little Hollywood? Don those Diors.

Feeling inconspicuously classic? Wear the Tom Fords.

I have about 4 pairs of sunglasses worth wearing, but I just have to have this one.

Sunglasses are the perfect accessory. Why? Because you could be all junked out and casual in your track suit or old jeans & T and, because you are wearing fabulous glasses, you feel fabulous. (Fabulous sunglasses have the same effect as fabulous jeans, by the way.)

Jackie O was a smart, smart lady.

Parenting lessons and the Woods (as in, Tiger) Family Playbook

2008-06-16T10:39:00.000-07:00

I *heart* Tiger.

Best. Athlete. Ever. Period.

And the best role model I've ever seen on mental toughness and internal drive to be the best he can be. For nobody else but himself.

WOW.

So what does this have to do with augmenting our parenting skill-set?

Well, we're taking a page out of the Earl Woods playbook. Earl Woods. You know, the father who raised, mentored and trained the greatest and most mentally tough golfer, the greatest athlete, to walk the face of this planet?

Many criticize and say that Earl was hard on Tiger and pushed him into the sport. But talk to Earl and he claims it was all coming from his little boy.

Have you seen the new Nike commercial (called "Never") where they show old clips of young Tiger in his early beginnings of greatness with the voiceover of his late father?

"You don't really instill anything in a child. You encourage the development of it. "

Those are the first few words uttered by the late Earl Woods in the 60 second commercial.

Dave and I are taking a fantastic parenting class right now called Redirecting Children's Behavior. Last week's session was on praise vs. encouragement. And boy, did we learn that we were doing a few things, um, wrong.

Basically,
Praise = bad. (Well, not bad, really but not sustainable for the long term.)
Encouragement = preferred method.

Praise = External focus that often results in kids wanting to please mommy or daddy or other people besides him or herself. Such common culprits are "I'm so proud of you, Hannah" or "Wow, what a great job you did, Luke."

And what parent hasn't said that to her child? You read every parenting book and magazine and listen to every child psychologist who tells you that praising your child helps build him or her build self esteem. But the difference is that you are focused on how you feel as a parent about the child vs. how the child feels about their task or accomplishment. And it makes sense, it's an innate, human need to feel wanted and be recognized.

Encouragement = internally focused on the child and the child's feelings and his or her process of getting to the desired outcome.

Encouragement results in the child feeling and articulating how she feels about what she accomplished vs. having you the parent bestow your feelings and pride upon the child. This results in the child wanting to do this because it makes the child feel good, or it makes the child feel like she worked hard...vs. mommy being happy and proud about the task.

So what does encouragement look like?

Hannah was practicing writing her letters the other day and when she finished, she proudly showed me her paper with her crayon scribbled alphabet.

Me: Wow, Hannah, you wrote all your letters? How does that make you feel?

Hannah: (Expecting a praise statement from me and not getting it. Pause. Pause. Pause. Then all of a sudden...) Happy! It makes me feel happy. I wrote my letters! I did it myself.

Me: It's a nice feeling to work hard and get good results, huh?

Hannah: Yes, it makes me feel good.

Me: So, what did you learn?

Hannah: (Pause. Pause. Pause. Looks curiously at me since I've probably never asked her this question before because I typically praised her before I could ask her how she felt about the task...if I even did that!)
Well, I learned that if I keep trying, I will do good.

And with that, I learned and practiced a new parenting tactic, and hopefully Hannah learned a life lesson. It's not about trying to get praise and then stopping if you are not getting attention or not succeeding. It's about focusing on learnings and the process. It's about enabling them to recognize and find their own strength. And it's about giving them the tools to dig deep within themselves to cope and manage through issues and capitalize on opportunities.

Just like Tiger.

Encouragement vs. Praise.

BIG difference between the two. And probably a BIG difference in outcomes and self-esteem later on.

Who knows, really. But we won't know unless we try.

Part 2 of the Luke & Hannah Chronicles (more from Year 1)

2008-06-13T23:50:00.000-07:00

More baby photos of our not-so-babylike-anymore babies.

My, how fast they grow.

Photos! (Finally....) Year 1 (0-6 months)

2008-06-13T23:25:00.000-07:00

I started blogging again to document Hannah and Luke...me...Dave...US. But since I have re-started my blogging endeavors, I have yet to actually do a retrospective and chronicle the last few years together (as my Catholic guilt sweeps over me...seriously).

So here goes...and it all starts here.

And hot dayummm!

Why is it so darn hard to post photos as a WYSIWYG?

I guess I'll start another post with more photos then...

Chapter 2, more from Year 1 is forthcoming.

How much is too much?

2008-06-10T01:15:00.001-07:00

Last week I signed up for this half marathon.

To top it off, I signed up with about 5 of my co-workers, one of whom is a regular running partner. So now this means I'm totally committed. No backing out now.

It's my second half race this year, after the Carlsbad race I did in January.

All of this said, I must admit -- a small part of me is disappointed in myself for not doing the La Jolla Half in April. I would have had a cool medal come August and bragging rights of having run the Triple Crown. Of course, damn work got in the way. And other more important priorities, like spending time with the twins and Dave.

But how much else can I do with everything I have going on?! I guess I need to set limits for myself too or I'll probably make myself insane.

True Religions...Move over

2008-06-10T00:13:00.000-07:00

I have a new favorite pair of jeans.

Yes, the Hudson flap pocket jean, boot-cut stretch in Marcy Wash.

Wearing Hudsons is like wearing sweats (no joke) but WAAAY cuter and oh, so, un-momsy like. Top this with a pair of wedge sandals and a cute pastel blouse and voila! Instant chic, AND they make you feel like a million bucks.

And every mom wants to feel like a million bucks.

This little incident also helped put this lovely denim on top of my designer jean fetish list:

When I wore my Hudson's to work for the first time the other week, within 10 minutes of being there right after grabbing my morning coffee, the most discriminating of fashionistas in my office commented on how skinny I looked (this, after my Spanx post -- just so we all know I need help). I knew it was the jeans immediately.

(Oh, and flattery helps, too)

Hudsons, where have you been hiding all these years??

And why did I wait so long to buy you?!

Broccoli

2008-06-07T14:05:00.000-07:00

Last Monday night, Dave and I went to our parenting class (which is a totally different post alltogether) so we had Alejandra, our old nanny of two years, watch the kids. When we came back that night, Alejandra told me that Luke ate a whole plate of broccoli for dinner, among other things.

My jaw dropped.

Now let me tell you something about Luke. Like many toddlers and preschoolers (or kids for that matter!) Luke is a carbo-loader by nature. If it's got any form of carbohydrates (especially bread product) in it, he will eat it. He has a natural aversion to anything that does not take a bread-like form. (Although he does like chicken and fish too, thank goodness). But if it's veggies or even remotely non-grain-like in texture, he won't even try it. Even if I entice him with a treat afterward, he shakes his head vigorously. Veggies = "No can do mommy."

So imagine my surprise when I heard that he had a whole plate of broccoli...from someone other than his mommy no less. What gives?!

Once I got over the fact that he agreed to eat veggies from someone other than me or Dave, (after months, years of trying to feed him such nutrients), I thought I would check it out myself.

Sure enough, twice this past week he ate broccoli. And gladly, I gave him his two mini oatmeal cookies as a dessert treat.

Alejandra is coming over again tonight to watch the kids. I think I'll ask her to try spinach and carrots.

The $72 Tummy Tuck

2008-06-06T20:36:00.000-07:00

Spanx is my new best friend.

And it's the perfect solution for my 3 1/2 year old twin tummy (read: muffin top) that I will never get rid of (without surgical help, obviously). How did I not pick one up sooner?!

I know that they've been around and popular for some time now, especially thanks to Oprah's well-documented adoration of them. And who doesn't listen to Oprah?

Apparently me.

A few weeks ago while at Nordstrom's Half Yearly Sale, I decided to give them a shot at the urging of my mom who with me. After trying on lots of cute summer clothes and nearly 30 swim suits, I was (not surprisingly) semi-depressed.

Mom: I don't understand how you can sit here and try on clothes, shop for nice things, and not get the most basic of basics.

Me: I have bras and underwear, mom.

Mom: Do you watch Oprah?

Me: No. I'm at work. And plus, our Tivo is filled with WordWorld and SuperWhy.

Mom: Geesh, Clarissa. Spanx. Don't you read US Magazine?! All the stars wear them. All that skinniness is not real. They get help. And so can you.

Me: But mom, isn't a girdle? I don't wear girdles.

Mom: (exasperated) Ackkk. Here. Just try them on and see. (as she hands me some Spanx and ushers me away)

So off I went, into the Nordstrom dressing room with my size Small pair of Slim Cognito Spanx.

And all I could say was WOW. Just like that, my body was transformed back to my pre-baby figure.

It's been a few weeks now and I can still say that I'm happy with it. It truly is one of those rare life-changing products. Spanx certainly lives up to the hype.

And true to form, I do find that since I've been wearing my Spanx, I stand straighter, I walk taller, and I fit back into my old skinny jeans without seeing the muffin top.

Hey, if Gwyneth and Jessica Alba can wear a girdle, so can I.

And I'm proud of it.

Stopping to smell the roses while running a (half) marathon

2008-06-05T22:01:00.000-07:00

Life these days as a mom feels like I'm running a marathon. I trained, I conditioned, I prepared for what I thought it would be like but I never knew how I was quite going to deal until I was actually doing it. And sometimes race day is a good running day, sometimes notsomuch. But I keep going, because I have to. I'm committed and don't want to let my support system down. More importantly, I don't want to let myself down.

And sometimes I feel defeated because I have to stop because I've lost my breath, or I begin to cramp. And it's necessary to rest myself just so I can finish. Even though I am disappointed when I have to pause, I rationalize it because I know it's required so I don't hurt

even more later. And I wonder what I am missing, who I am not passing as a result of my short hiatus.

With each mile marker and water station, I take a breath, and for a split second, I appreciate the small accomplishment I've achieved. And then I realize that I still have a long road ahead. And while at the mile markers, instead of feeling like I'm truly doing my best (as I thought I would do when I was in training), I just try to make it to the next one, and the next one, and the next one. So off I go, continuing to trudge along without enjoying the scenery and my beautiful surroundings -- always anticipating what the next mile has in store for me as opposed to enjoying the NOW.

My parenting class instructor, Susie Walton, recently said, "Never in the history of our lives will anyone live more in the NOW than your 3 year old children."

It's so true. I watch what they do and it's so obvious they are on no timeline or agenda. They just ARE and they just DO, whatever and whenever they want. Whether it's assuming another 5 minutes of playtime when I called "time!" 5 minutes ago, creating an unsupervised opportunity with their water faucet (and making their room a small water park for a day), or getting into a stray jar of vaseline and pretending that it's shampoo -- they live in the NOW with little regard for consequences.

Now I'm not advocating acting irresponsibly with them or living in the moment every time we're spending time together. But admittedly, I do feel guilty (see the running theme here?) because I rush them through so much every day. I rush them in the morning when I get them ready for preschool and I throw myself together for work. I rush them to our weekend outings, even if it's to go to an unscheduled event like the library or the park. And I plan their schedules for after-school, for summer, for the rest of the next 15 years, it seems. What a disconnect it is for them and for me. But it makes sense because it's consistent with my marathon mentality of moving along, briefly celebrating small successes, but pacing for the long haul.

There's a lesson to be learned from their NOW attitude. And I better take heed. Because before I know it, they'll be rushing too.